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I've had several girlfriends who would complain about me wanting to play video games... but then offer little incentive for me not to. They expected me to sacrifice my activity for the sake of going to do what they wanted to do, but when I so much as suggested them playing games with me, it was all "Oh no, I don't like playing games. It's a waste of time!"
As if going to the mall for a couple hours and buying like... one thing was a great use of time.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 02-01-2011 at 07:16 PM..
Reason: Edited out reference to deleted post
I've had several girlfriends who would complain about me wanting to play video games... but then offer little incentive for me not to. They expected me to sacrifice my activity for the sake of going to do what they wanted to do, but when I so much as suggested them playing games with me, it was all "Oh no, I don't like playing games. It's a waste of time!"
As if going to the mall for a couple hours and buying like... one thing was a great use of time.
Exactly, as I said my Ex-wife was fixated on these forum based RPGs for writing and her romance novels... the style of RPGs she was interested in and the novels held no appeal at all for me.
On the other side my new GF... she is an avid gamer. But this has not posed any sort of problem. In fact it has lead to us trying games the other likes or recommending games so that we have something to talk about as well as use of MMOs or games like Little Big Planet so that we can both enjoy the games together via social and multi-player aspects.
I honestly feel that the only time games or rpgs of any type become a problem in a relationship... is if they are not a shared interest and they become an obsessive fixation. If you both enjoy it then it is common ground, or if you can walk away and say "hey I am going to dinner with my significant other" then no problem develops.... it is when these things do not occur that it adds stress to the dynamic. But if there was such a lack of common ground and such fixation to the point of ignoring your significant others wants or needs... then it is not a question of if things would fall apart but rather of when assuming things did not change. Blaming the hobby in such a case as I said in an earlier post would be displacement.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 02-01-2011 at 07:17 PM..
Reason: Edited quoted text
My initial thought was that it was sexist...(one reason is because he assumed the gamers were always rational males and the ignored spouse always a boring female)... but also the post showed a lack of maturity and consideration in any relationship. I do what my best friend wants sometimes and they do what I want sometimes. If I am not willing to compromise then I am not much of a friend. Common courtesy in a marriage means the gamer gets some of his/her own time...but also contributes to the health of the relationship with "we" time.
Keeping with the assumption that the gamer is male- an immature spouse will also whine about lack of sex time...but may not realize that without an investment in the wife- she may just come to view HIM as boring.
(How many are willing to just go along and see if you enjoy 'her' hobbies? I don't see many men volunteering to go shopping.)
My initial thought was that it was sexist...(one reason is because he assumed the gamers were always rational males and the ignored spouse always a boring female)... but also the post showed a lack of maturity and consideration in any relationship. I do what my best friend wants sometimes and they do what I want sometimes. If I am not willing to compromise then I am not much of a friend. Common courtesy in a marriage means the gamer gets some of his/her own time...but also contributes to the health of the relationship with "we" time.
Keeping with the assumption that the gamer is male- an immature spouse will also whine about lack of sex time...but may not realize that without an investment in the wife- she may just come to view HIM as boring.
(How many are willing to just go along and see if you enjoy 'her' hobbies? I don't see many men volunteering to go shopping.)
And that's exactly why I don't get in a relationship with someone unless most of our hobbies are the exact same. The only difference is that she likes to go out more and I like to have people come over more.
Because I'm sorry, I don't go clubbing, I don't go bar hopping, I"m not a social person unless I know the people involved. So, if one can't deal with my gaming hobby, then that person doesn't need to be in a relationship with me.
I do what my best friend wants sometimes and they do what I want sometimes. If I am not willing to compromise then I am not much of a friend. Common courtesy in a marriage means the gamer gets some of his/her own time...but also contributes to the health of the relationship with "we" time.
That goes both ways though, it is no more accurate to assume the gamer did not make attempts than it is to assume that the wife in the scenario did. As I have said before unless the hobby trends into fixation and obsession (which can occur with any hobby not just gaming) then there is no issue there. Likewise it is not only the gamer who needs to make attempts to share time. If a spouse of either gender simply complains about their significant others hobby but there is no attempt to give incentive or cause to do something else... and no attempt ever made to try and share said hobby... then the blame does not lie only with the one who has the hobby but also the one who made no attempts or offered no alternatives.
If a wife always goes shopping to the point where she does so to the detriment of the relationship, that is no different than the husband playing MMORPGs to the detriment of he relationship.
Basically it is not the hobby or even one spouse or the other... both need to engage the other and share time.
Quote:
(How many are willing to just go along and see if you enjoy 'her' hobbies? I don't see many men volunteering to go shopping.)
Again that goes both ways... did the wife in question try to see if she would enjoy gaming with the husband? I know couples that have both tried and refused to try this. In one case the wife got into some types of gaming because of it... in the other the wife refused because she said she had no interest in such games. Likewise I know husbands who have put down their games to watch pixar movies because their wife loves them.... and others who would not turn off WoW to watch Dr Who which was the wives new favorite show.
In short... it is not the hobby that is the problem... nor is gender the deciding factor... if any relationship has these problems regardless of what the hobby may be they will cause break downs long term.
It really is a case of "Guns don't kill people, people kill people" more or less... it is not the hobby but the individual
My initial thought was that it was sexist...(one reason is because he assumed the gamers were always rational males and the ignored spouse always a boring female)... but also the post showed a lack of maturity and consideration in any relationship. I do what my best friend wants sometimes and they do what I want sometimes. If I am not willing to compromise then I am not much of a friend. Common courtesy in a marriage means the gamer gets some of his/her own time...but also contributes to the health of the relationship with "we" time.
Keeping with the assumption that the gamer is male- an immature spouse will also whine about lack of sex time...but may not realize that without an investment in the wife- she may just come to view HIM as boring.
(How many are willing to just go along and see if you enjoy 'her' hobbies? I don't see many men volunteering to go shopping.)
There's a difference between consideration and sacrifice.
My wife married me knowing full well that I play video games. If she expects me to stop just so I can do what she wants to do, then she shouldn't have married me.
Although this, of course, is not an issue with me because she is just as much a gamer as I am.
Both sides need to be considerate of the other. The person playing games shouldn't ignore everything about their spouse, but their spouse also shouldn't expect them to drop their hobby without giving them a reason to outside of "Because I want you to and we're married." That's unfair to the person with the games.
If the spouse wants them to change, then they should offer incentives to help them. I fail to believe that every person who's been "widowed" by a game has tried everything in their power to fix the "problem" short of being a total jerk and discarding everything against the gamer's will. Speaking of which, any time I see any news stories of girlfriends/wives who smash/sell/discard/give away their significant other's property because they're not getting enough attention, I want to smack anybody who thinks they were in the right. That's too far.
And the people who have tried everything and the person is still completely obsessed with their games? Well, I highly doubt that many, if any, of those cases were with gamers who didn't play games before they got into a relationship. In my experience, people don't tend to go from zero to obsessed in one game session. And if you know your significant other is a gamer, and you're willing to marry them, then you accept that they're a gamer.
And that's exactly why I don't get in a relationship with someone unless most of our hobbies are the exact same. The only difference is that she likes to go out more and I like to have people come over more.
Because I'm sorry, I don't go clubbing, I don't go bar hopping, I"m not a social person unless I know the people involved. So, if one can't deal with my gaming hobby, then that person doesn't need to be in a relationship with me.
Exactly... having common ground or finding common ground is a cornerstone of any relationship.
If you are with someone if differing interests and neither you or they make effort to find or create common ground... eventually odds are the strain of those disparaging interests or the feeling of "we time" seeming forced is going to cause problems.
Does this also apply to Politics and Controversies on city-data?
Anyone that would rather gain a level in a game than get laid deserves what they get. Eventually that will be nothing but the addiction.
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