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TBH, your post does sound like you want people to keep these things to themselves. "It says a lot about our society"??? Thats is a good thing. We should no longer protect the abuser by keeping our mouths shut. So what if he wants to write a book about it? At least he has something important to say and maybe another 50 year old man that has never talked about his abuse, will open up about it as well.
I agree. As long as people think that having been sexually abused should be kept a "private matter", it only helps abusers to keep on abusing children in secrecy.
From talking with survivors, telling a child that the sexual abuse is "a private thing, just between us" etc is a way for a child molestor to manipulate a child to keep them from telling anyone else.
Its doesnt have to be his abuser, but generally speaking. Here people protect priests that have molested children because they just can't accept someone religious could have done something like that (even though there is evidence).
I think we are clouding the issue. Prosecuting molestors and abusers to the full extend of the law and questioning why someone would disclose something like this 40 years later are two different subjects. Especially since the perp in this case is probably deceased.
I can "accept" priests would do it and believe in fact that that is why some position themselves in certain fields. Disgusting. And that the catholic church has been slow to admit and address this is abhorent.
Its doesnt have to be his abuser, but generally speaking. Here people protect priests that have molested children because they just can't accept someone religious could have done something like that (even though there is evidence).
And people protect family members like husbands, fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers, uncles, older brothers etc because they can't accept that someone in their family that they know and love could have done something like that -especially to a child in their own family.
It can completely wreck a family if it comes out. And this is another way a child sexual abuser manipulates children into keeping quiet about the abuse. They play on the child's guilt that if they tell anyone, it would get dad or uncle or grandpa etc into trouble and that everyone would be upset or angry with them (the child) for destroying the family.
Some people want to share everything with the public where others would prefer to remain private. Why is this so upsetting to you?
It's upsetting to some of us because it mirrors the tactics of the abusers, who tell their victims that what's happening is a "private matter" and shouldn't be shared with anyone.
I get that you aren't saying "tell noone, tell authorities". But you don't seem to understand the dynamics of an abuser and their victim and how the aura of silence permeates to such a degree that the "tell the authorities" portion of your position doesn't happen.
And it's upsetting to some of us because the notion that sexual abuse is "dirty laundry" perpetuates the notion that there's shame to be felt by the victim when there's not. If you don't believe the victims should feel shame, then I suggest you drop the use of the term "their dirty laundry". All the dictionary definitions in the world won't negate the fact that that term carries connotations to it that are understood by all to mean that there is something untoward about the person who's speaking, because not only are they hanging their laundry out, but it's dirty.
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Originally Posted by Booya
No, again I don't want "people to keep these things to themselves" what I said is that my opinion is that I am surprised that people want to share their private lives to the public. And that I would not want to.
I am not saying people should not share, just that I would not. Why is this hard to understand or accept? I was simply expressing my opinion.
And why should I be attacked for my opinion? I don't get it. I guess it is a highly emotional subject for some.
You've done more than that. Your posts are still here to prove that.
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Originally Posted by Booya
I believe stuff like this should remain private. And I don't really believe sharing "helps others." First there are enough others who have "shared" their stories-celebs ad naseum.
It is especially suspect if it comes at a time when they can profit financially such as when they are selling something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Booya
No. I am saying that I am a private person and I would never air my dirty laundry such as this man has. He could confront the offender and press charges if applicable. This is what he should do. Not sensationalize it and try to make money from a book.
I do not see the benefit from making his personal pain a front page salacious story. I know in todays society people want to out everything in their lives. But I believe there are some things that are just private.
Those statements are about what you believe others should do, not just yourself.
I get that this subject matter squicks you out (you do call it "dirty" laundry, after all). It is uncomfortable to hear about it. But the empirical evidence shows that the more light of day we shine on these types of abuses, the more likely children are to "tell", the more likely a parent may be to recognize the signs, and the less shame adult victims of abuse begin to feel and healing becomes easier.
When a society pushes this kind of behavior under the rug, it actually creates more victims, and those victims suffer much worse emotionally because they think they're all alone. And when victims feel alone, scared and angry, they are more likely to become abusers themselves.
When people in the public eye come forward, it helps other victims. That's really the bottom line, and we'd like you to come to understand that.
There is a point in your highly emotional and overfraught responses that you seem to be missing.
You state, "Do you want "discretion and reticence" from children who are being sexually abused? "
Did you miss that fact that Mr. Brown is in his 50's? Yes. He is over 50 years old. I stated in my post (which you also became upset with) that he should consult the proper authorites if legal charges can be brought). If a child is being abused I think every single one of us would want the child to tell an adult immediately. This is pretty much understood.
Some people want to share everything with the public where others would prefer to remain private. Why is this so upsetting to you?
The thing that matters is that it not be something that makes victums so ashamed they feel they must be quiet about it. That applies to any age they are. If at fifty he had come to the point where he can disclose freely, then he is helping others. Bring in the public eye means more attention will be paid. How many kids are hiding in their rooms afraid to tell because it makes people be uncomfortable? How many kids will keep being abused because they are afraid to tell? The child isn't going to tell the world but an example of someone who has, who has said it is acceptable to make people uncomfortable and aware can be a huge help in giveng children the courage to break the silence.
And what of other adults who have let the secret poision their lives for years? Not because they want it to be private, but because they still feel that shame. The poision will never go away until they can willingly let go of it and that comes with help and sharing.
Oprah testified before congress a few years ago that she had been molested by a family member. Her going public and being willing to put it right on the screen in the middle of the afternoon has given many the chance to free themselves from either current or old abuse. Celebraties are no more or less victums than your average citizen but they do have the power to have their voice heard. That is why Mr. Brown absolutely did the right thing.
It's upsetting to some of us because it mirrors the tactics of the abusers, who tell their victims that what's happening is a "private matter" and shouldn't be shared with anyone.
I get that you aren't saying "tell noone, tell authorities". But you don't seem to understand the dynamics of an abuser and their victim and how the aura of silence permeates to such a degree that the "tell the authorities" portion of your position doesn't happen.
And it's upsetting to some of us because the notion that sexual abuse is "dirty laundry" perpetuates the notion that there's shame to be felt by the victim when there's not. If you don't believe the victims should feel shame, then I suggest you drop the use of the term "their dirty laundry". All the dictionary definitions in the world won't negate the fact that that term carries connotations to it that are understood by all to mean that there is something untoward about the person who's speaking, because not only are they hanging their laundry out, but it's dirty. You've done more than that. Your posts are still here to prove that.
Those statements are about what you believe others should do, not just yourself.
I get that this subject matter squicks you out (you do call it "dirty" laundry, after all). It is uncomfortable to hear about it. But the empirical evidence shows that the more light of day we shine on these types of abuses, the more likely children are to "tell", the more likely a parent may be to recognize the signs, and the less shame adult victims of abuse begin to feel and healing becomes easier.
When a society pushes this kind of behavior under the rug, it actually creates more victims, and those victims suffer much worse emotionally because they think they're all alone. And when victims feel alone, scared and angry, they are more likely to become abusers themselves.
When people in the public eye come forward, it helps other victims. That's really the bottom line, and we'd like you to come to understand that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47
The thing that matters is that it not be something that makes victums so ashamed they feel they must be quiet about it. That applies to any age they are. If at fifty he had come to the point where he can disclose freely, then he is helping others. Bring in the public eye means more attention will be paid. How many kids are hiding in their rooms afraid to tell because it makes people be uncomfortable? How many kids will keep being abused because they are afraid to tell? The child isn't going to tell the world but an example of someone who has, who has said it is acceptable to make people uncomfortable and aware can be a huge help in giveng children the courage to break the silence.
And what of other adults who have let the secret poision their lives for years? Not because they want it to be private, but because they still feel that shame. The poision will never go away until they can willingly let go of it and that comes with help and sharing.
Oprah testified before congress a few years ago that she had been molested by a family member. Her going public and being willing to put it right on the screen in the middle of the afternoon has given many the chance to free themselves from either current or old abuse. Celebraties are no more or less victums than your average citizen but they do have the power to have their voice heard. That is why Mr. Brown absolutely did the right thing.
I do not understand the logic of how criminals are dissuaded from committing criminal acts because other criminal acts have been broadcast publicly and tut-tutted over ad nauseum.
If anything, publicizing and dramatizing evil behavior only seems to inspire other sociopaths to engage in copycat crimes. Witness the recent rash of mass shootings at Columbine, Ft. Hood, and Tucson.
Please do not misrepresent my post by interpreting it as saying that we should hide these things away and pretend that they do not happen. That is not my intent. I am simply making the point that exposing and publicizing crimes, especially egregiously evil ones like child abuse, does not in itself mean that criminals will be reluctant to commit them; for seriously disturbed individuals, such publicity may even encourage them.
Until research demonstrates that revelations like Mr. Brown's have the effect of reducing the number and severity of instances of child abuse, we need to be more judicious as a society in proclaiming our obvious outrage at behavior which is by definition irrational and criminal, since sick minds unaffected by our emotions -- and may actually feed off them....
I imagine your husband is straight, married and religious?
Then he fits the profile of a child molestor far more than any gay man. Whether it's boys or girls.
Get your facts straight.
I don't think that was the point.
No straight or gay guy without a psychological problem likes kids in a sexual manner.
A child molester likes kids. Gay, straight, married, divorced, single.
Yet, and you should know this, they tend to be specific toward the sex of the the kids they prey on.
Which would lead anyone to believe that an adult male sexual predator who preys on boys is not only gay but also sick in the head.
Edited to add: Just because one is gay, does not make one a predator of children of the same sex. Just like straight males are not attracted to little girls, gay males are not attracted to little boys "just because". That is ridiculous.
Last edited by Informed Info; 02-19-2011 at 12:33 AM..
No straight or gay guy without a psychological problem likes kids in a sexual manner.
A child molester likes kids. Gay, straight, married, divorced, single.
Yet, and you should know this, they tend to be specific toward the sex of the the kids they prey on.
Which would lead anyone to believe that an adult male sexual predator who preys on boys is not only gay but also sick in the head.
Edited to add: Just because one is gay, does not make one a predator of children of the same sex. Just like straight males are not attracted to little girls, gay males are not attracted to little boys "just because". That is ridiculous.
There is a difference between fixated pedophiles, regressed pedophiles and opportunistic child molestors. The most common form of child sexual abuse is incest by a male family member.
"Homosexuality and homosexual pedophilia are not synonymous. In fact, it may be that these two orientations are mutually exclusive, the reason being that the homosexual male is sexually attracted to masculine qualities whereas the heterosexual male is sexually attracted to feminine characteristics, and the sexually immature child’s qualities are more feminine than masculine. . . . The child offender who is attracted to and engaged in adult sexual relationships is heterosexual. It appears, therefore, that the adult heterosexual male constitutes a greater sexual risk to underage children than does the adult homosexual male." A. Nicholas Groth, William F. Hobson, and Thomas S. Gary, “The Child Molester: Clinical Observations,” in Social Work and Child Sexual Abuse, eds. Jon R. Conte and David A. Shore (New York: Haworth Press, 1982), p.136.
Isn't it strange that he revealed this 'tragedy' in a book first before telling his wife or family? Isn't it strange that he's not naming the perpetrator? Isn't it strange that he described his molester as a long-haired, tie-dyed wearing hippie (aka liberal) when the christian camp hired only clean-cut midwestern college students as counselors? This man is a bimbo and he's been using sex his whole life, one way or another, to attract attention to himself, whether it be posing nude in Cosmo, perusing Studio 54 in his wilder days as an underwear model, or jumping on the "I've been molested as a child" bandwagon.
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