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You can't be serious. Plenty of couples meet and are perfectly compatible and have good intentions. As the years past, things happen, people change. There are people that have been married 30-40 years that get divorce because things don't work out. It has nothing to do with picking a loser. People get addicted to drugs, cheat, find sports more important, develope mental problems etc. So every single mom doesn't pick losers. Heck some of the most powerful, smart and rich men stray from their relationships aka Tiger Woods.
The scenario you painted is not the typical one, but the exception that proves the rule.
I tend to think there were signs with Tiger Woods before she married him.
If a single mother has three children by three different fathers, is educating herself and self-supporting; if is a conscientious responsible parent who makes sure the fathers stay in each child's life (if the fathers are fit parents) I can't see the problem in it for HER. I would not want that for myself or my daughters, but that is how she chooses to live. That's her life choice. Married or single, parents need to make their children a priority. Children of married parents can be neglected too, but less is made of it because the parent's married status insulates them from judgment and censure. Neglecting one's children is still morally reprehensible.
Whether it works for her or not does't mean it really works for the kids. Three kids by three different fathers is more likely to cause more chaos.
How do you arrange holidays and visitation time? How do you rectify your three children spending time with their fathers who might all have different parenting styles vs what you are doing in your own house.
As far as priority goes, the woman who has gotten pregnant for the third time
with a different dad is not at all making the children she already has a priority.
Just the logistics of trying to arrange support and custody issues with three different dads has to be a major time drainer.
Blame the feminist movement, after the 1960s rates of single mothers grew in this past decade there are a lot of single white mothers now before it was mostly single black and Hispanic mothers. Now it seems single mother parenting is now the norm in America but its repercussions for the future are not good, a cycle of daughters being single mothers, sons dropping out of school and going off to jail, and last a declining middle class due to only one person bringing in an income to or asking uncle Sam for help to raise your three kids. Where I'm from its the norm to be single mothers but some how these chicks don't see the future until its too late.
Exactly right on all points.
And before anyone writes this guy off as some kind of right wing nut job, other more liberal organizations are (finally) saying the same thing. As if we really need someone with a PhD to tell us that you're going to be strained for both time and money most of your life if you have a kid without being married!
"Having unmarried parents can be devastating for children who start out with no cushion in life. In 1999 congressional testimony, Isabel Sawhill of the Brookings Institution said that the increase in single-parent families—mostly due to unwed motherhood in the past few decades—"can account for virtually all of the increase in child poverty since 1970." A recent study found that the stress of early childhood poverty can literally damage developing brains."
This has basically been the central theme for the few single moms I know. One gal was married for nearly 10 years and her husband left her while she was pregnant with their third (planned) child because it was 'overwhelming'. She's now divorced with three young children while her ex is dating a 19 year old.
One gal was in a very long term relationship, engaged to the man, got pregnant and he got scared about halfway through and left the country to live with a cousin in Argentina so she couldn't claim child support. She's due in 2 months so we'll see how that goes.
I think these things happen to many women and they get blamed for being bad people.
Clearly the scenarios here are not as bad as the OPs, but I do suspect the red flags were there with these two men and the women didn't see (didn't want to see) them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
I asked for a tubal ligation and I can't find a doctor that will do it unless I'm AT LEAST 32 years old or have a child. I can't afford to pay for it out of pocket, so I guess I'm waiting.
Hey, I was just spelling the term correctly, not necessarily agreeing with the post.
Whether it works for her or not does't mean it really works for the kids. Three kids by three different fathers is more likely to cause more chaos.
How do you arrange holidays and visitation time? How do you rectify your three children spending time with their fathers who might all have different parenting styles vs what you are doing in your own house?
As far as priority goes, the woman who has gotten pregnant for the third time
with a different dad is not at all making the children she already has a priority.
Just the logistics of trying to arrange support and custody issues with three different dads has to be a major time drainer.
Exactly . It wouldn't let me rep you, so +1 to 'ya.
I don't have anything against single moms. A single mom with 3 kids by the same dad is totally different than this scenario though
The situation described by OP is incredibly complex though. I have to say I really feel sorry for the kids. Honestly nothing is gained from the kids point of view the more players are added to the situation. From the point of view of the oldest, she can't hep but feel pushed to the side each time a new man or kid is added.
Was being positive and kind..did not see the point in persecuting a person that made not one mistake but three mistakes. Yes it is very complex and judgement to fall on this person in a negative way can't be helped. I can see a woman with one child and no husband...that is understandable--two is getting busy...past that you would think that the woman would have shown better judgement and perhaps better behavior..
That the woman would have learned something during her life- I would say she is the product of liberality..."You don't have to put up with that from a man"---on to the next man...new advice from a meddling feminist friend.."You don't have to put up with that from a man" - next - enter number three...and so on,
Yes you do have to put up with a man being a man- You just don't trade them in for a new on and expect better results- relationships are based on respect and work.
In my life, I put up with all sorts of foolishness---but it was my duty to stay and raise the children- I put in my 30 years with the same person- whether they were a good partner or not- was not at issue. Duty is duty.
Clearly the scenarios here are not as bad as the OPs, but I do suspect the red flags were there with these two men and the women didn't see (didn't want to see) them.
Hey, I was just spelling the term correctly, not necessarily agreeing with the post.
Well, with the first woman she was with her husband from Jr. High, they both have college degrees and got along pretty well from what I saw. It really took all of us by surprise when he served her with divorce papers.
As for the second woman, they had been engaged for going on 2 years and were planning on getting married this August but the baby pushed it off until next year, they were together for 8 years total. I knew him before I met her and they were incredible together, I honestly thought they would outlast everyone relationship-wise.
The scenario you painted is not the typical one, but the exception that proves the rule.
I tend to think there were signs with Tiger Woods before she married him.
I think Elin was a young girl in love with a super star...surrounded by an entourage who covered for Tiger's tracks...it's unfair to blame her...she and the children were the victims!
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. It wouldn't let me rep you, so +1 to 'ya.
