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That was a large part of the issue the other post I made, was I'd just come to grips w/ it all and began to see the totality in costs and the effects on my carrer and life. Prior to getting married we did talk about moving and at that time I was told the oldest father was the only one she needed to notify and that all she had to give him was a 90day notice per their divorce decree. However the part either she didn't know nor I or was left out was that moving even 50miles needs court approval not approval of the non custodial parent.
You see when she told me this it was basically true cause everyone said they'd never have guessed the baby's dad would be causing such a stink over visitation and child support. The middle childs father has no legal rights so he doesn't have to be notified, but she's going to do it anyways which in turn gives him ample time to stop the move should he just want to be a prick.
Previously I did speak to step parents and said as u did that it's a thankless job, you get all the responsibility w/ no real say in the childs life, to me that's a bum rap, but it is what it is, however we did offer the baby's father to walk away from it all and sign over adoption papers but he of course declined cause he want's attachment to my wife more so than the child, and since he's known my wife for over 20yrs he knows the best way to get at her and drive her nuts is thru her children. To give u a tidbit more our legal expenses were in excess of $3K for just what we'd offered him for visitation thru mediation, his legal costs were $150 and he's ordered currently to pay only $225 in support, while her daycare is $800 almost so that's a lot were dealing w/.
So relocating was agreed upon by both of us and discussed at length down to where we'd go visit to determine the final landing spot. But all we need is to lose w/ just one kid and were not moving. This I had no idea about before getting married, and after speaking w/ other atty's the likelihood is very low that it will be approved, so my life and my marriage is basically being dictated by people other than my wife and I.
So excuse me if I'm a bit taken back and shocked. and to all those who feel I shuda known well you can't know everything, and I can only trust what my wife's told me before hand and what I knew coming into it.
The amt of time people knowing one another has already been disproven as a correlating factor in divorce, stability in relationships etc. cause do u ever really truly know someone, if that's the case the divorce rate wouldn't be so high Im guessing.
You cant know everything? Well maybe not but if you had a girlfriend who continuously bounced checks would you think she was a good candidate to share a checking account with? Past choices and actions are at least a sign of future behavior. But what the hell do I know? I'm just a man who actually raised his kids.
Well then I guess the world of fertility and adoption and sperm donors disagree w/ you, again that's your moral view point that a child can only effectively be raised properly w/ both parents around or involved.
When I spoke before about not knowing what I was in for does anyone really truly? I seriously doubt it. While I knew there were 3 children w/ diff fathers I saw past that and got to know the person, but in so many here's views once she got into that position she should just live in a box and care for her kids w/ no hopes of a life for her self, right. That's not the way I was raised or tought.
Sure some things maybe I should've expected but when asked and I was told otherwise what can you do, people want to know how long we knew one another before getting married as if that plays any real role into any of this, sure maybe I'd learned a thing or two I didn't know before hand but none of those are marriage killers. We all know people that dated someone for years and got married only to have the marriage go to hell in a hand basket shortly thereafter, we all also know of people that dated for a short period of time and the got married and it lasted for 50yrs.
Point is when things change in a relationship or marriage were allowed to reasses things especially when they involve kids, or one partner giving up their life dreams.
Trust me I've done my research and regardless of if it was one child or 10 being raised in a broken home to a single parent the child is anywhere from 60%-80% likely to grow up and repeat the mistakes of the parents, no matter if the other parent is involved or not.
Did u know and I just learned this the other day and was shocked to learn this that 1 in 5 women have kids w/ multiple fathers, sounds like to me this is a spreading trend.
So since your so against how my wife lived her life what are your suggestions for someone like her? Go live in a box, never date or marry again? Just go to work punch the clock then come home feed the kids and repeat? That's not only a bias way of looking at things it's borderline ignorant.
She made a decision to have three kids with three different fathers. If by taking responsibility for these three children prevents her from achieving her dreams in life that is a decision SHE made. Remember in the closed thread how you indicated you were well off financially? ( as a masseuse I presume) Well, why would $ be a reason to give up the baby to the looser father?
My suggestion for your wife is to get rid of you on the scrap heap of her former looser SO's and get a lot of counseling to see why she makes the same bad decisions over and over again. Are you and your wife really Casey Anthony and Kevin Federline?
So regarding what's best for a child you tell me then hypothetically all things are equal financially and socially between both parents lets say both earn 30K a yr, one parent has 3 kids to support by themselves w/ that amt, and the other parent has just one child to support w/ the same dollar amt. You tell me all things equal what's the best environment for that child???
Simple. With the parent and siblings he has always known! A child is not a rescue pet who gets to go home with the best owner!
You cant know everything? Well maybe not but if you had a girlfriend who continuously bounced checks would you think she was a good candidate to share a checking account with? Past choices and actions are at least a sign of future behavior. But what the hell do I know? I'm just a man who actually raised his kids.
Precisely. Some people hit the skids once due to a stupid mistake on their part, and they learn from it. But some people don't learn. Reason why I suggested counseling is so both people in this situation don't make Mistake No. 4. Because I'm still mystified at why the OP wants to have children with this woman. Only reason I could think he would is that he wants his "own" kids, because, ya know, that DNA makes all the difference in the world.
Well I don't think it's always wrong for the mother to give custody to the father. In many cases the father is the better parent and the mother's life is too unstable. In fact it can require more love and unselfishness for a mother to realize that the child is better off with the father. I don't see a problem with fathers having custody and the mothers having visitation.
I agree. i work with a mom who did this. She just did not have the earning capacity to take care of the kids and the father was a jerk to her, but a good dad to the sons...so he took custody. She tells me the two sons are doing pretty well in school, etc. Obviously, it would have been better if she hadn't created the mess with her husband, but I think she made the best possible choice, given the circumstances.
Of course not - I don't think anyone thinks that. But the two people involved in this particular situation have been very irresponsible and the children are the ones who might pay the price.
No ones been irresponsible, matter of fact my wife owned up to her previous mistakes and has taken care of her children w/ no help from the fathers nor the state nor had anyone so much as a baby sitter to allow her to go to a movie should she like to do so.
And to call me irresponsible because in your mind I didn't have a crystal ball is down right ignorant on your part, but I guess you knew your whole life in advance huh.
You cant know everything? Well maybe not but if you had a girlfriend who continuously bounced checks would you think she was a good candidate to share a checking account with? Past choices and actions are at least a sign of future behavior. But what the hell do I know? I'm just a man who actually raised his kids.
UR dead on the money that is if your girlfriend told u of the bounced checks to start w/, plus not the same thing. But Im guessing your life is perfect and people who own up to their mistakes and make the best of it still should be tared and feathered in your book huh! Priceless, just cause someone lives their lives by a diff set of rules and standards than you doesn't make them wrong.
She made a decision to have three kids with three different fathers. If by taking responsibility for these three children prevents her from achieving her dreams in life that is a decision SHE made. Remember in the closed thread how you indicated you were well off financially? ( as a masseuse I presume) Well, why would $ be a reason to give up the baby to the looser father?
My suggestion for your wife is to get rid of you on the scrap heap of her former looser SO's and get a lot of counseling to see why she makes the same bad decisions over and over again. Are you and your wife really Casey Anthony and Kevin Federline?
You see no real insight just ignorant homeless baggering. And I'm not a masseuse, thanks.
No ones been irresponsible, matter of fact my wife owned up to her previous mistakes and has taken care of her children w/ no help from the fathers nor the state nor had anyone so much as a baby sitter to allow her to go to a movie should she like to do so.
And to call me irresponsible because in your mind I didn't have a crystal ball is down right ignorant on your part, but I guess you knew your whole life in advance huh.
I wouldn’t call you irresponsible because you did not anticipate any issues arising from the three looser fathers of your wife’s three children. I think idiot is a better term.
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