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I posted a week ago about issues I was dealing w/ in my marriage on if I should stay put or check out, in that post I gave some insight into my marriage insight in hindsight maybe I should've never given cause there were many of you that felt as if it gave you a free pass to not address my question/concerns at hand and instead used your response as open season to attack my wife (who is a mother of 3, and all 3 have separate fathers).
That led me to ponder another question, why is it that public perception is somehow she's not a good person/mother etc? I mean I know if she was a divorced mother of 3 all from the same father public percetion is more sympathetic towards women like my wife, even bordering feeling sorry for them as if they've been dealt a bad hand in life.
Many of you lashed out calling my wife an unfit mother, trash, ***** etc. But funny thing was those same people also said that it would be selfish of her to want her own life and let the fathers take the everyday role and she take the everyother weekend role.
This totally perplexed me cause what I took from that is that it's ok for a man to walk away from his everyday responsibility and live his life (or more socially exceptable) but if the mom does it or wants a better life for her and her children it's unheard of.
Your honest and educated and clean responses would be appreciated.
It's 2012, we should be striving to live in a society where a person can both be looked down upon for having children with 3 different fathers, and also for pawning them off in order to regain freedom.
Maybe I'm crazy but that's the type of world I'd like to live in..
The three different fathers thing because - unless she makes a lot of money - those kids are going to suffer in one way or another, be it financially, not having a relationship with their father, etc etc. The pawning them off because - unless you were raped, you chose to have them.
Personal responsibility must enter the picture at some point. And the out of the picture dads would be losers too. Before you chose to have a child with someone, you should know a bit about their character, it is a huge decision to have a child...and a pattern starts to set after three times, three different men, all left.
But I don't know ya'll or your situation, I'm more so imagining a fictitious situation, might be you guys might not.
Basically I don't like having to pay taxes to support other peoples willy-nilly attitude about having children. Just because you're irresponsible and make poor decisions, means you get access to my paycheck? Not cool..
Last edited by TheEarthBeneathMe; 01-02-2012 at 06:55 PM..
My question - which I asked a couple of times and was left unanswered - was how long did you know your wife before you got married? How much thought did you put into marrying her? I'm not saying anything about her character at all - but I don't understand how you could marry someone that has 3 children with 3 different men and not expect there to be some issues involved. So - how long did you know her before you got married?
Someone who makes the same mistake 3 times in a row--the exact same life-altering mistake--deserves to have their judgement questioned.
I'm sorry but I agree. I have no issues with a woman that has 3 children by the same man and it didn't work out because hey, stuff happens. But by three different men?
The only thing I do agree with the OP on is that those men should have to have some type of custody of their children. I just hope that now she has learned her lesson.
It never really occurred to me to pass judgement on your wife. She has made some very poor decisions which she may or may not have taken responsibility for but it does take two and the kids are now here. I understand this as my sister, who is a great person, has 3 by two fathers that don't pay a dime and have nothing to do with her kids (one is a drunk that's now homeless and the other lived and still lives with his mommy), but she works and does the best she can, and I think she finally realizes how stupid her decisions were. My real issue was with your attitude. You seem like a nice enough guy, and you took on an enormous amount of baggage by marrying her and I think that was admirable. I think you were unprepared for what that really meant and are not mature enough to handle it, which is completely understandable. This is why people with lots of baggage and people with minimal baggage have a tough time. You seem to think that you can marry into this situation and still still operate autonomously, making your own decisions with little regard to the fact that there are three children involved, and you just can't do that. You'd suggest leaving her child with the father simply so you can move and start a life? Really? Nothing wrong with letting a willing father raise a child if that's what best, but to simply get rid of a child because dealing with the father interferes with your life is the epitomy of selfishness. The fact that you not only don't understand this but make no mention whatsoever that suggests you've even considered what is best for the lives of these children lead me to believe you are simply not mature enough to handle this. No disrespect intended here; like I said, you seem like a good guy and it's normal for you to feel like you do, but I think if you had a child that a new partner wanted you to part with simply because she wanted to move and start a new life you might have a little better perspective. I really think you are better off cutting your losses here and finding someone with more compatible baggage. Good luck.
That led me to ponder another question, why is it that public perception is somehow she's not a good person/mother etc? I mean I know if she was a divorced mother of 3 all from the same father public percetion is more sympathetic towards women like my wife, even bordering feeling sorry for them as if they've been dealt a bad hand in life.
Being "dealt a bad hand in life" is something that happens beyond one's control. An example would be a serious illness.
This situation doesn't qualify. Sorry.
Last edited by MoNative34; 01-02-2012 at 08:06 PM..
Reason: fix quote :)
I have a cousin who has three children by three different fathers. She had her first at 19 and the relationship didn't work out. Several years later, she got married and had her second child with her husband. The marriage didn't work out and several years later, she remarried. She just recently had her third child by her third man.
It would be a whole different story if she had had all three of these children from one-night stands. She was married to two out of three, and the first was when she was young and had an accident.
I don't think a woman should be judged by the amount of fathers, but how she came about having that many fathers. A woman who is widowed or divorced is in a far different situation from a woman who sleeps around and doesn't know who the fathers of her children are.
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