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Perhaps, but I don't think that it takes away from the idea that many of these "good men" aren't exactly ecstatic with their choices in self-proclaimed black women. As a black male with "good black male" friends, many are "playing the field" because they are not seeing the current crop as marriage material or long term relationship worthy, not simply because they can.
Ask them why they aren't tied down with these good black women and you'll get the same answers time and time again... they are either "too fat", have a gold-digger entitlement mentality, children oow, an attitude problem or all of the above.
People can brush it off as stereotypes all day, but it is not going to change how these men feel or how they experience black women on a day to day basis.
If your male friends were as good of a catch as you say they are then they would not be attracting the black women who are too fat and with too many children. They would be able to attract the better looking, educated, childless black women. They are not as good looking and as desirable as they think they are.
You should be careful about making such blanket generalizations. Again, black women are not a monolithic group. Perhaps those stereotypes are true for the women in your family and/or immediate circle, but it doesn't apply to most educated black women.
That's an easy card to play, but I believe there's a lot of truth to it. Relegating it as simply "stereotypes" and nothing more isn't going to change what people are experiencing out there.
If your male friends were as good of a catch as you say they are then they would not be attracting the black women who are too fat and with too many children. They would be able to attract the better looking, educated, childless black women. They are not as good looking and as desirable as they think they are.
Perhaps not, but they still aren't "settling" with what's available to them. They'd rather remain single, and "play the field." They understand the value of marriage--many just aren't seeing the value of marrying women that they aren't attracted to. Those are two separate points there.
DC is an area where it's all about class. If you're in the upper echelon, race matters not. Otherwise, it's a surprising segregated city. So, I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I've just never witnessed this in my years living in this area and I was born in DC.
Also, you've been approached, but have you dated any white men? Been engaged? Married? Again, my assertion is that for the most part you won't find white men who aren't intimidated (for whatever reason) to approach black women. And for those who will date them, an even smaller percentage will actually MARRY them.
Yes, I have dated several White, Hispanic and Asian men. My situation may be a bit different than yours because I don't subscribe to liberalism. Also, I'm naturally thin (which is not the case for many Black women in DC) and I reside in a predominately white area.
Perhaps, but I don't think that it takes away from the idea that many of these "good men" aren't exactly ecstatic with their choices in self-proclaimed black women. As a black male with "good black male" friends, many are "playing the field" because they are not seeing the current crop as marriage material or long term relationship worthy, not simply because they can.
Ask them why they aren't tied down with these good black women and you'll get the same answers time and time again... they are either "too fat", have a gold-digger entitlement mentality, children oow, an attitude problem or all of the above.
People can brush it off as stereotypes all day, but it is not going to change how these men feel or how they experience black women on a day to day basis.
Well, I'm not a "good black man", so perhaps I'm not seeing what they are seeing. I do know that I have a few friends who are single and looking to settle down. Among them:
-A coworker who has 2 degrees and has just finished nursing school. She's been with her BF for 10 years and is ready to get married. He instead wants to live together and has suggested that they have a baby. This is a "no go" for her and she's asked my advice about how long she should wait before she leaves him. His excuse for not being ready for marriage: "I want to finish my degree (which will take 6-7 years because he's going part-time) and make sure I can provide for my family". So, his reluctance is not through any fault of her own, but simply out of his insecurity. This happens quite often. Some men are intimidated at a woman's success and feels a need to compete and ensure that they remain "the man".
-Another friend who is 26. She is a virgin. She owns her own business (day care) and wants to get married. It's difficult for her to find a potential partner, because the men run for the hills when they learn that she will not consider sex until after marriage.
I have many others, but none of the women in my social circle are "losers". All of them are beautiful women who are looking for a man to commit. Unfortunately, some men seem to just want to play the field.
And the whole "gold-digger" thing is laughable. The men who complain about gold-diggers are usually the ones that don't even have any "gold" to dig. And overweight? Yeah, right.
If your suggestion is that black men are shying away from black women because of perceived stereotypes, then I'm even more baffled. With the stereotypes that plague them, are they really ones to throw stones? Luckily, most black women aren't foolish enough to blame all black men for the actions of some of them.
Perhaps not, but they still aren't "settling" with what's available to them. They'd rather remain single, and "play the field." They understand the value of marriage--many just aren't seeing the value of marrying women that they aren't attracted to. Those are two separate points there.
What I am saying is, you can't blame it on all black women being too fat, and too ghetto when you yourself may be the equivalent. That is why you are attracting those types of women, because you are on their level and do not want accept it.
I knew two African American guys, who were very overweight, and not the most good looking, who felt they were entitled to some of the hottest girls on campus and in our city. These guys only pursued the prettiest girls and always got rejected. For some reason, they never got the message that they needed to lower their standards. Whenever friends would hook them up with women who looked like them, they were not attracted to them in the least. They didn't like fat girls, even though they were fat. It's not surprising that they are always single. I'm wondering if this is the case with you.
So what are the desirable traits that "good men" want? It just can't be beauty b/c I've seen many attractive women bemoan the lack of good men and many less-than-attractive women find and keep a man. I'm curious what do good black men want in a black women that would appeal to them.
A part of me does want to agree w/ your observations, but a part of me also wants to say that, if black women display a certain attitude, it may be out of frustration. Black women are constantly being told how ugly we are, how we're always angry, our hair is messed up, we're not submissive enough, etc. I think for some women, it's a self fulling prophesy where constantly hearing this does alter their attitude. These things are just a constant hit to their esteem and they react.
Good question, and I'll briefly attempt to speak for them. From my observation, they are generally seeking physically attractive women with nice personalities, who are attentive, childless and respectful who they feel are not getting with them with the impression that he should buy or financially support the woman and her habits.
And although I understand what you are saying in regards to "attitude", the sad reality is that understanding it is not a substitute for "tolerating" it. I personally think much of the attitude that you see amongst black women is more so a defense mechanism or an applied method of intimidation to exercise control.
Yes, I have dated several White, Hispanic and Asian men. My situation may be a bit different than yours because I don't subscribe to liberalism. Also, I'm naturally thin (which is not the case for many Black women in DC) and I reside in a predominately white area.
Yes, but have you been engaged to any of them? Married? Again, for those that are open to dating black women, even fewer will actually marry them.
"Naturally thin"? Congrats, I guess? Not sure what response you want, but I'll stick with my curves.
Can't think of any area off-hand in the DC area that is predominately white, unless you're out in the suburbs.
And honestly, the more you type, the more you seem to have a grudge against black women. You seem like one of the rare "good black women" out there. Perhaps "itshim" can get you in touch with some of his buddies who are seeking a good catch.
What I am saying is, you can't blame it on all black women being too fat, and too ghetto when you yourself may be the equivalent. That is why you are attracting those types of women, because you are on their level and do not want accept it.
I knew two African American guys, who were very overweight, and not the most good looking, who felt they were entitled to some of the hottest girls on campus and in our city. These guys only pursued the prettiest girls and always got rejected. For some reason, they never got the message that they needed to lower their standards. Whenever friends would hook them up with women who looked like them, they were not attracted to them in the least. They didn't like fat girls, even though they were fat. It's not surprising that they are always single. I'm wondering if this is the case with you.
I'm not disagreeing with you one bit. But originally my explanation was in regards to those who ran with the belief that "good black men" (however we choose to define them) are just having a picnic of a selection of "good black women", when that certainly isn't true. My point was that realistically, these "good black men" aren't settling down, because they aren't happy with what's already out there. Not because they just want a smorgasbord of black women to have access to. I don't know one single "good black male" over the age of 30 who isn't open the idea of marriage and LT companionship should he come across the right woman.
Good question, and I'll briefly attempt to speak for them. From my observation, they are generally seeking physically attractive women with nice personalities, who are attentive, childless and respectful who they feel are not getting with them with the impression that he should buy or financially support the woman and her habits.
And although I understand what you are saying in regards to "attitude", the sad reality is that understanding it is not a substitute for "tolerating" it. I personally think much of the attitude that you see amongst black women is more so a defense mechanism or an applied method of intimidation to exercise control.
Just to be clear here....Are you black? If so, are you married? If so, are you married to a black woman? Just curious.
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