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I am not denying that some men are intimidated to ask out certain women. Yes, many men have this issue.
What is also true is that some women are simply more approachable then others. Some women are warm, friendly and kind when strangers strike up conversations with them; some women are not. Something as simple as a warm smile is like an invitation. I am like that with everyone, everywhere that I go.
Men also take cues from the facial expressions of women. If a Black woman looks like she is po'ed and is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, then she probably won't have the most inviting and pleasant look on her face. If she looks like she is happy, content, pleasant, enjoying life, etc., then she will usually radiant those vibes to men.
If a Black woman does look pissed off so what? Maybe she has a legitimate reason to look upset--maybe her mother just died, she has a child that is sick in the hospital and she doesn't know how she's going to pay for the medical bills; a lot of black women's lives aren't centered around what a white man may think if he catches her with a scowl on her face. If she's upset about something then she has every right to express it when she feels like it. As long as she's not lashing out on people or causing others harm. I'm kinda tired of White men always talking about black women and how some of us look unfriendly "f you"...not everybody wants to strike up a conversation with a stranger everywhere they go.
if a black woman isn't grinning ear to ear then she's unfriendly which means that the majority of black women have to walk around with a big huge FAKE grin on their face just to look happy so ppl wont think we are mean. Whatever. Why don't white men stop looking so stiff and cold all the time? Why don't they project more warmth? That is my issue with them
Idk,men seem pretty bitter when they state the reasons they don't date black women.
Not men, "some men". The majority of us are still dating black women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
I heard it all ranging from obesity rates,hair texture,to skin complexion. All things out of their control. And all things I see black men mentioning about those being the reason they don't date black women.
As a matter of fact,the last two, complexion and hair texture, let's me know right then that its about prefering white skin.
If anything, the type of men you're speaking of are usually complaining about perms and prefer natural black hair.
In regards to skin, are there light skin black girl lovers out there? Absolutely! But that is much different than loving white women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Another reason I KNOW its about liking white skin because any black man could have just dated a black women from another culture,like an African or Caribbean woman.
Most African-Americans live in the South, where Caribbeans and Africans aren't in abundance. You live in the Northeast, which has a lot of immigrants from those places, but your region is not the normal environment for African-Americans. Again, you're taking your personal situation and imposing it on the rest of African-Americans whose situations are much different.
I'm a black woman and I was speaking with an associate about the number of women willing to have out of wedlock children, without any commitment (i.e. marriage). Presently, over 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?
Yes, there's a lot of other races of women who also have children out of wedlock, but let's be honest, their communities are not experiencing the same levels of poverty and devastation.
Well, I'd like to address your question from a non-racial perspective.
Raising a child is hard, hard work. Raising a child on your own is even harder. I'm not saying that it's not rewarding, but it is a continuous, exhausting slog of feeding, bathing, clothing, and educating. It really is a two-person endeavor, if for no other reason that to remain sane.
I don't care how many Hollywood starlets glorify it. I don't care about heartwarming anecdotes. On the whole, children born into single parent households are less likely to succeed in school, less likely to be emotionally well-adjusted, less likely to enter into stable relationships, more likely to live in poverty, more likely to require a support network outside the immediate nuclear family, more likely to be a dependent of the state, and more likely to commit crimes. So, all conventional religious morality set aside, when you condone children being born outside of wedlock, you really condone a whole set of ills that will keep perpetuating themselves from generation to generation.
Idk,men seem pretty bitter when they state the reasons they don't date black women.
I heard it all ranging from obesity rates,hair texture,to skin complexion. All things out of their control. And all things I see black men mentioning about those being the reason they don't date black women.
As a matter of fact,the last two, complexion and hair texture, let's me know right then that its about prefering white skin.
Another reason I KNOW its about liking white skin because any black man could have just dated a black women from another culture,like an African or Caribbean woman.
There are different reasons that different Black men have and/or express as the reason for dating non-Black women
- Some Black men simpy date all types of women; it is not necessarily an anti-Black woman thing, they just date whomever they happen to be attracted to
- Some Black men believe that they were not the right "type" of Black man (they were usually traumatized by rejection as boys) to attract the type of Black woman that they prefer; these men become a little bitter and swear off Black women out of spite. These are usually the most vocal in terms of criticizing the physical characteristics of Black women (especially of the men have attain a measure of success)
- Some Black men believe that having a non-Black woman means that they have "arrived" - its like having a Bentley in the driveway to them
(I always think of professional athletes as being the classic example of this)
- Some Black men believe that a non-Black woman will help them to gain entry into and manuever in "higher, Whiter" more affluent circles
- Some Black men have bought into the prevailing standard of beauty that says "the Whiter the better"
Why did Victorian ladies have to drop handkerchiefs to meet certain guys? Because there was no socially proscribed way for a man and woman that were strangers to speak to one another in public. Nothing has changed in the 21st Century. Approach a strange woman with the intention of striking up a conversation, and a guy might find himself Maced or arrested. Most gentlemen won't do it. In a really big city like New York a guy could see a dozen women in a day that strike his fancy with no way to make actual contact. When the online dating thing hit most people started only looking for people in a 10 block radius... people they could (but really couldn't) meet by just going outside. A wing-man takes some of the threat out of a one on one. It doesn't imply shyness or cowardice its just a way of taking some of the intensity out of a chance encounter.
According to people who study this stuff about 30% of the men and women of hispanic origins are open to interracial relationships with white people. Only 5% of black men and 1% of black women are interested in relationships with white people. Black women go all cross-eyed when they see a brother stepping over but really, he is just part of a small number of men. Hardly worth worrying about. I guess it doesn't help that these men are usually the ones most desired: educated, affluent and fit.
My last two relationships were with British women. One black the other white. TBH the sister, was by far the more fun, outgoing, had more money and because she was a sister, our relationship was simply easier. There is just no other way to put it. I personally do not know an American black woman that can touch her for sheer well roundedness. Not saying there aren't any. But there are not large numbers of American black women that are as at ease with sexuality, humor, art, music, literature and other pastimes as the British woman I met and loved. We are still friends. Why we broke up is complicated and personal but there remains mutual respect. I used to date a sister from Detroit. She was a tenured professor and had a private practice. She was everything epitomized by the Essence magazines. Wealthy, educated, sophisticated... rigid. Hung-up. Controlling. Fearful. I'm just one black man, what do I know... but when people make movies and magazines write articles about educated black women and their hang-ups... I feel I am on solid ground suggesting that it isn't only black men that need to change but maybe the sisters also need to look at their behavior.
I am not Steve Urkel. Its interesting that a guy says self deprecatingly that he is kind of nerdy and some sisters conjure up Urkel. I can't be that bad because I've had some nice looking women in my time. I've never been a sucker for a pretty face, I'm a sucker for a good body. None of the sisters I've been with ever had good bodies. None. I've worked with that. I'm getting old though. The matches are getting harder to light. My SO is just about as old as I am and both of us pass for 15 years younger. That's not that impressive in my case because as we all know "black don't crack" but its saying a lot that my SO is a hard size 6 and works hard to stay that way.
When this thread began I saw no further than the pointlessness of airing our dirty laundry in a mostly hostile environment. Oddly enough, with maybe one exception the usual suspects have left this thread alone. We pushed this thing to 53 pages on sheer emotional intensity. I don't think Lisa2013 has been the most helpful of posters. I am sorry to seem to be saying some of the same things as she but I'm not saying that a black woman has to be pretty in order to date interracially or even that she should. All I am saying is that black women, in general, even when well educated, are way too conservative to do well in the 21st Century. The answer isn't to get even more conservative but to loosen up. Resist this advice at your own risk. I'm not saying to become sluts or easy but to become more easygoing. Not nicer, plenty of you are nice.
Maybe the easiest, least offensive way of putting it is by simply stating that when you get it right you won't be participating in threads like this on the defensive side. You won't be saying guys don't find you this or that. Babies will not be an issue because you will stop wasting precious time doing nothing and then get all in a panic because you suddenly realize you are 35 and the clock is ticking. On black themed websites all over America middle class black women are trashing the reputations and motives of black men. The anger is palpable. It's directed at the wrong enemy. There are plenty of black women that are not angry and are finding love and marriage and whatever else they want from life. Why not ask them how they do it. Better still, don't ask, just watch them work.
Oh and by the way, my SO has several female friends in our age group. All are single. None of them though they would be by now. All wanted children, marriage and a man... in that order. About the only difference I can see between them and black women: they had fun while wasting their childbearing years. None of them went ahead and had oow children. One is considering adoption. It's not easy for everybody but, as I said earlier, it isn't as hard as some of you try to make it.
H
I think Black men need to stop being so judgemental and critical of everything a black woman does. You all act as if you are perfect and NEVER do any wrong.
I am also sick of the contradicting issues BM have with BW--one minute we are too easy and need to close our legs (we have too many kids with too many different men)--then another BM chimes in to say we are too conservative (too sexually uptight, dont give it up soon enough, too conservative with our morals)
So which is it? Are we too slutty or do we act like a nun? it seems that you will find any reason to gripe about what's wrong with black women
Not men, "some men". The majority of us are still dating black women.
If anything, the type of men you're speaking of are usually complaining about perms and prefer natural black hair.
In regards to skin, are there light skin black girl lovers out there? Absolutely! But that is much different than loving white women.
Most African-Americans live in the South, where Caribbeans and Africans aren't in abundance. You live in the Northeast, which has a lot of immigrants from those places, but your region is not the normal environment for African-Americans. Again, you're taking your personal situation and imposing it on the rest of African-Americans whose situations are much different.
I saw one time a mixed race black/white woman on Stormfront complaining about black men.
Loving a light skinned and white woman aren't much different.
As for hair texture,the men generally complain about the nappy hair texture,not the perms. They voice their disdain for natural hair.
The black men may marry black woman 90% of the time,but most have already slept with white women at some point.
Also,your point about white women having oow births to black men isn't correct.
The reason the number is low is because most white mothers check the race of the baby as black.
The site I had read about thickness(assmatrix) states something different than what you are saying.
A lot of men,again,say J. Hud was thick beofre weight loss.(but to be fair,they were southerners).
Yep, southerners, exactly as I said above. But not all, as I am a southerner and acknowledge she was outside the generally accepted definition of thick women as the "healthy middle".
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
The most common definition I hear is breasts and buttocks in proportion to the waist.
Nothing to large,or then she is fat. Also she can't have cellulite.
Breasts are individual preferences. They do not play into the general accepted terms.
Ask 10 black men if a woman with small breasts, small waist and a thick lower body what she is, and most will say "thick".
You can't see cellulite when a woman is wearing clothes, so that too is an individual preference. Ask 10 black men if they will leave the bedroom if a woman they considered thick with clothes on ends up having cellulite, and most will say "hell no". Only men at the top of the dating market would leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Only problrm with your definition is this: can a woman who is 300 lbs but has a small waist and big hips consider herself thick?
What about a 130 lb woman with a waist equal to her hip size?
It is virtually impossible for a woman to be 300 lbs with a small waist. Link pictures of women like that and I will give my opinion.
Unless a woman weighs a lot, weight doesn't matter since height plays a major role. It is all about how the small waist contrasts to lower body size.
Example: Youtube girl Montana Deleon weighed (or still weighs) 190 lbs but was still considered thick to the average black man who critiqued her online. She can pull off "thick" at this weight because she is tall at 5'9 and has a small waist.
If the waist and hip size are equal and a woman is 130 lbs, she is probably considered "average", but I won't know unless you give me a height or link pics of women like that.
Thought that was interesting because I am a lot like what that poster described herself as and I am not British by any means.
One of my good friends in college was British and she was a mean b*tch LOL! I used to joke with her about how mean she was. She even got fired for punching a white man in the face for getting "smart" with her when she worked in the airport here in Atlanta. She was usually nice to me though and could take a lot of my sarcasm but all women are different and just because a black girl is British doesn't mean she is more into art, literature, good discussions, theater and different varieties of music.
From how you described your British black girlfriend I am a lot like her and I'm from the hood here in America. Most of the black women I know are the same because I like to hang with people who are normal like I see myself.
If a Black woman does look pissed off so what? Maybe she has a legitimate reason to look upset--maybe her mother just died, she has a child that is sick in the hospital and she doesn't know how she's going to pay for the medical bills; a lot of black women's lives aren't centered around what a white man may think if he catches her with a scowl on her face. If she's upset about something then she has every right to express it when she feels like it. As long as she's not lashing out on people or causing others harm. I'm kinda tired of White men always talking about black women and how some of us look unfriendly "f you"...not everybody wants to strike up a conversation with a stranger everywhere they go.
if a black woman isn't grinning ear to ear then she's unfriendly which means that the majority of black women have to walk around with a big huge FAKE grin on their face just to look happy so ppl wont think we are mean. Whatever. Why don't white men stop looking so stiff and cold all the time? Why don't they project more warmth? That is my issue with them
Nyanna, you are reading way too deeply into my comment. Whether we like it or not, our body language and the subtleties of facial expressions communicate cues to the people around us.
And my comment was not specifically about Black women changing their nonverbal cues for the sake of attracting "White men", it was just a general reason that I gave as a possible reason for certain women not appearing to be approachable....by all types of men. I think that Black men tend to understand the non-verbal cues Black women better than non-Black men and would be more likely to approach a Black woman that they found attractive even of she is giving "uninviting" non-verbal cues.
If a Black woman does look pissed off so what? Maybe she has a legitimate reason to look upset--maybe her mother just died, she has a child that is sick in the hospital and she doesn't know how she's going to pay for the medical bills; a lot of black women's lives aren't centered around what a white man may think if he catches her with a scowl on her face. If she's upset about something then she has every right to express it when she feels like it. As long as she's not lashing out on people or causing others harm. I'm kinda tired of White men always talking about black women and how some of us look unfriendly "f you"...not everybody wants to strike up a conversation with a stranger everywhere they go.
if a black woman isn't grinning ear to ear then she's unfriendly which means that the majority of black women have to walk around with a big huge FAKE grin on their face just to look happy so ppl wont think we are mean. Whatever. Why don't white men stop looking so stiff and cold all the time? Why don't they project more warmth? That is my issue with them
I think its the way the features of black women are "set" that gives off the apearance of being angry.
I never saw it that way.
After all,I don't see many whites smiling every minute of the hour either,yet no one complains they look angry.
Last edited by jerseygal4u; 01-19-2012 at 09:39 AM..
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