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These opportunities—with all their difficulties, stresses, and heartbreaks—are lost when people live alone."
Really? Why, are people who live alone trapped in a maze, never to be get out or be found by someone?
I find that the above statement and the section it is connected to is really quite silly and ignores the numerous ways people can share of their lives.
Just because solo living folk don't share a bed or a home with one or more people doesn't change their activities and interests - its what the person is like and what they like to do that will determine their level of social engagement, not the living & sleeping arrangements.
It is also assumed by the wider society that people who live alone are lonely or have "'a problem", when the reality is that there are lots of perfectly happy people who just prefer the company of themselves to sharing it with others.
There is also all sorts of arrangements of how people share their time, their homes and their activities, but which remain a mystery to those that do not want to find out.
When society stops being too narrow in their definitions and viewpoints about what is and isn't healthy living (forcing people to have spouses and children and all that goes with those heavy weights) and also, stupid-ass writers stop writing poorly understood and poorly researched writings, we may, perhaps, find that more options become available for solo living folk and more importantly, it will release people from the life-long entrapment they are subjected to by being forced to fit into the mold of what society determines they should have in their lives.
This shift, however, has not made American society more atomized or anonymous, explains Eric Klinenberg in his revealing book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. In fact, Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, has found that the benefits of being single far outweigh the disadvantages. "Singletons" living by themselves report that they're equally or more fulfilled than their more domesticated peers.
Today, more than 50 percent of American adults are single, and 31 million—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone. People who live alone make up 28 percent of all U.S. households, which makes them more common than any other domestic unit, including the nuclear family. In GOING SOLO, renowned sociologist and author Eric Klinenberg proves that these numbers are more than just a passing trend.
Last edited by chielgirl; 03-05-2012 at 02:58 AM..
I actually understand what WP is trying to say but I think that the article itself focuses too much on "living alone" as opposed to being an actual loner. You can live alone and still go out with friends and co-workers. Go to movies, bars, restaurants etc. The key to it though is motivation.
Not all that live alone are as motivated to get out and do something. I have a wife and daughter so we are always doing something. She has a single friend who lives alone. The friend isn't all that motivated to go out because she either feels like Chewbacca (third wheel) or only goes out with other singles whose only intent is to find someone and when they don't no matter how good of a time they had the night is ruined.
People who work and go home and sit around doing nothing are what the OP is referring to but they can sometimes lack self motivation. I kinda get the gist.
You act as if this is a bad thing. It's only a bad thing if your wife's friend is complaining about it. Some people actually don't mind having little to no social life.
To the OP:
The crux of your entire argument is that people should get an SO for the sake of getting one. You shouldn't force partnership down the throats of people who don't want one or haven't found a person they are willing to give themselves to. There are still plenty of people who get married and start families.This is just another example of irrational moral panic.
Yes, I'm saying that. I know people who's family is all dead...what do you suppose they do? Others have crappy families. I'm sure this isn't news to you.
I'm lucky with mine, but there aren't that many of them left unless my kids start reproducing. Who knows what that will bring.
I feel bad for you if you don't have freinds you can count on. It's part of the human experience.
Then I'm not human. I tried making friends and it didn't work out and I'm not bending over backwords to please people. I don't live with my family but it's nice to know that they will accept me and my flaws without making fun of me.
Exactly why men my age (48) have so much success with women age 25-35. They are tired of little boys perpetually on the couch playing Playstations and refusing to grow up (their words, not mine).
WP I think I get the point you were originally trying to make. When you live with someone for over a decade you learn to think less of yourself and more of others. You have to learn to tolerate people even when you aren't feeling very loving towards them. When you live alone you always have a place you can escape to, not so when you truly share a life with someone.
However, there is more to this than simply forcing people to co-habitat. If it were that simple then the divorce rate would be lower. This is the first time I've reflected on the subject so this is a new theory in the making but I would say it goes back to how we are raising our children as the centers of our world. This fosters an ego-centric attitude which perpetuates into adulthood and cohabitation. When these grown individuals get married they expect to be the center of their spouses world and have trouble appreciating others perspectives.
This premise could be taken further to the few gay couples that I have known who co-habitat. The ones I know have been in a committed relationship for over 25 years. Granted, my experience is very limited, but it is all I have to draw from. As these couples are in their 40s or higher it is safe to assume they had some struggles as they were children and growing into adulthood. Perhaps these struggles have made them appreciate others' perspectives and have more tolerance for the annoyances of other people, both within their home and from without.
Really? Why, are people who live alone trapped in a maze, never to be get out or be found by someone?
I find that the above statement and the section it is connected to is really quite silly and ignores the numerous ways people can share of their lives.
Just because solo living folk don't share a bed or a home with one or more people doesn't change their activities and interests - its what the person is like and what they like to do that will determine their level of social engagement, not the living & sleeping arrangements.
It is also assumed by the wider society that people who live alone are lonely or have "'a problem", when the reality is that there are lots of perfectly happy people who just prefer the company of themselves to sharing it with others.
There is also all sorts of arrangements of how people share their time, their homes and their activities, but which remain a mystery to those that do not want to find out.
When society stops being too narrow in their definitions and viewpoints about what is and isn't healthy living (forcing people to have spouses and children and all that goes with those heavy weights) and also, stupid-ass writers stop writing poorly understood and poorly researched writings, we may, perhaps, find that more options become available for solo living folk and more importantly, it will release people from the life-long entrapment they are subjected to by being forced to fit into the mold of what society determines they should have in their lives.
^^^^
This
But unfortunately it will never change. There will always be some people that try to enforce their beliefs and values down the throats of others. The fact that people are different from them threatens them and their belief system. The irony of it though is that this mentality is the most selfish and egotistical of all. This idea that everyone is supposed to be like "me".
WP I think I get the point you were originally trying to make. When you live with someone for over a decade you learn to think less of yourself and more of others. You have to learn to tolerate people even when you aren't feeling very loving towards them. When you live alone you always have a place you can escape to, not so when you truly share a life with someone.
However, there is more to this than simply forcing people to co-habitat. If it were that simple then the divorce rate would be lower. This is the first time I've reflected on the subject so this is a new theory in the making but I would say it goes back to how we are raising our children as the centers of our world. This fosters an ego-centric attitude which perpetuates into adulthood and cohabitation. When these grown individuals get married they expect to be the center of their spouses world and have trouble appreciating others perspectives.
This premise could be taken further to the few gay couples that I have known who co-habitat. The ones I know have been in a committed relationship for over 25 years. Granted, my experience is very limited, but it is all I have to draw from. As these couples are in their 40s or higher it is safe to assume they had some struggles as they were children and growing into adulthood. Perhaps these struggles have made them appreciate others' perspectives and have more tolerance for the annoyances of other people, both within their home and from without.
Thing is, living with someone when its not a good relationship does not foster caring and giving. It fosters survival and dominance. It doesn't matter if its parents or a spouse or even a domineering roommate. People say the divorce rate is very high now since we don't value the 'family' but back in the 'good old days' if people could have divorced and gone out on their own I suspect it would have been the same. People were simply forced into remaining together despite unhappiness becauce they wouldn't risk the dislike of society.
I never lived alone until about ten years ago. Two relationships, one a marriage, roomated, parents, etc... I was afraid of living alone but discovered I loved it. I tended to be found in my room since it was my space, and am by nature a loner. I'd like a 'relationship' but I don't know if it should involve cohabiting and certainly not marriage. And because it fits ME, its okay. I suspect a lot more people like the freedom of living alone than would have suspected it before they had to try. And those who like to be 'social' can and those who perfer privacy can have that.
I think your on to something with the way we have come to raise our kids. My dad left home and joined the navy at 16 when his dad cheated him our of money he'd made. Nobody would think of doing that today. And he wasn't a 'boy' then but a man. We've gotten so afraid something is going to 'stunt' our children that we are afraid to give them some rope to explore and develop themselves. Parents do use the kids as their own justification.
I think there are so many divorces since kids raised in our insular world of the nuclear family (todays version) seek the same since they've never been prepared for life. And when the marriage goes bad, or the relationship ends with suitcases being packed, they have to deal with the empty space, but have had to fight their own battles.
Increassingly we find idenity in the subculture, and the people we find like us who really do understand us and give us validation to be ourselves.
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