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My grand daughter experienced direct racism for the first time last week. She is 10YO, her mother is black, her father (my son) is white. Both parents were teens when she was born and I have raised her for nine years.
She is brilliant, funny, beautiful and ...well, I'm her (grand) mother, what else would I say?!
This year she and my 13 YO were enrolled in a very good private school. I can't say enough about the teachers and administrators.
She is the only bi-racial child in her class. There are two Indian children. The rest are white. The school is about 500 kids and there are a handful of black children, some middle eastern kids. Mostly Christian, a couple of Jews. Last week the kids were talking about a party that someone was having. A boy asked her if she was going to the party and she said that she didn't know about it. Then the boy say, "Oh, that's right, you're black."
She is also in the afterschool program with kids from other classes and, also on Friday, a boy was rushing by her and said, "Get out of the way ni@#er".
This breaks my heart. While I knew from the day she was born that she would experience direct racism one day, never did I expect such direct comments to be made in this environment.
She is spending the weekend with her dad and told him. I will see her tomorrow. She did not want her dad to tell anyone because she doesn't want to be labeled a tattle tale.
Bottom line, I sent an e-mail to her homeroom teacher asking for her dad, me and the teacher to meet. I don't want to do anything to keep her from confiding in us in the future, but I also strongly believe that the teacher must be made aware of it. And, ultimately, I want her to see that there are ways to resolve issues like these that bring a positive outcome.
I wish I could share some wisdom, but all I feel is a deep sadness that year after year people carry forward racial, religious and other prejudice, and that a young girl like your grand-daughter suffers for their ignorance and, perhaps, fear.
Comfort, support and setting an example that is not filled with ignorance is the only way I know how to handle a situation like this.
I hope you find the homeroom teacher intelligent and caring, and a person who will lead by example!
Good luck, and take heart that there are fewer, but still too many who keep hate alive.
I agree with ontheroad. I find that very sad. I think that all you can do is make the teachers aware so that they can keep an eye out for it. I think the other thing is to continue to do what you and the child's parents are doing which is to love her and let her be a confident little girl.
Get the school officials involved including informing the other kid's parents of their children's horrible behavior.
09-22-2007, 09:08 PM
proudmary
n/a posts
Were this my daughter/granddaughter, here's what I would do: I would teach her here and now how to defend herself, as well as to combat racism: nip it in the bud immediately, and get all parties involved. In as plain, straightforward language as you know how to use, make it crystal clear to her, the perps, teachers and other parents, that this will not be tolerated.(I'm mainly speaking of the child who called her "******", because you really have no control of who the other kid invites to his/her party.) In other words, demonstrate in no uncertain terms, how she should stand up for herself so that she will be equipped to handle situations like this from here on out. Do not allow her to be the victim. Empower her by demonstrating how she can defend herself. Turn this into a life lesson so that she can handle situations like this on her own proudly, successfully, and winningly, and let the biggoted folks beware. Be the very best example you can be of somebody who will not be pushed over, afraid or intimitated. As strongly as you can, be the example for her to follow.
And most of all, simply show her that you are on her side now and forever more. Good luck, please let us know how it turns out.
Last edited by proudmary; 09-22-2007 at 09:18 PM..
How infuriating and sad at the same time. I would definitely talk to the teacher and principal about it. In addition, you can take the opportunity to explain to your grand-daughter that some people in the world are just mean and ignorant and these kids are two of them. Unfortunately they won't be the last ones she'll ever see. And, she's not being a tattle-tale. Kids are supposed to tell when people are getting hurt and these two boys are hurtful. Letting the school authorities and the boys' parents know what is going on may save other kids from being hurt in the future.
OK--all of that is the mature, adult, response. What I really wish you could do is catch the boys alone somewhere and beat the %^*&$# out of them. But that really wouldn't do any good, I don't suppose.
09-22-2007, 09:27 PM
proudmary
n/a posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
How infuriating and sad at the same time. I would definitely talk to the teacher and principal about it. In addition, you can take the opportunity to explain to your grand-daughter that some people in the world are just mean and ignorant and these kids are two of them. Unfortunately they won't be the last ones she'll ever see. And, she's not being a tattle-tale. Kids are supposed to tell when people are getting hurt and these two boys are hurtful. Letting the school authorities and the boys' parents know what is going on may save other kids from being hurt in the future.
OK--all of that is the mature, adult, response. What I really wish you could do is catch the boys alone somewhere and beat the %^*&$# out of them. But that really wouldn't do any good, I don't suppose.
Well, I cannot see beating up 10 year olds for excluding someone from a party (even if the exclusion was based on race) and for calling a girl "******", and here's why: the 10 year olds are obviously feeding off of their biggoted parents. Take the racist parents to task, but don't beat up a child. Frankly, you as an adult suggesting that children be beaten up is worse, by far, than what the children in question did.
Stories like this break my heart too, and I agree with this response:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
How infuriating and sad at the same time. I would definitely talk to the teacher and principal about it. In addition, you can take the opportunity to explain to your grand-daughter that some people in the world are just mean and ignorant and these kids are two of them. Unfortunately they won't be the last ones she'll ever see. And, she's not being a tattle-tale. Kids are supposed to tell when people are getting hurt and these two boys are hurtful. Letting the school authorities and the boys' parents know what is going on may save other kids from being hurt in the future.
At her age, I definitely think going to the teacher is appropriate.
Relax. I said that dealing it by talking to the parties was the right thing to do. But my initial, gut, response when someone hurts a child is to seek revenge. I would never actually do that and would never advocate that.
As having a child in a private school you have more clout in getting this handled in a proper manner with results not just lip service.
You are paying for your child to go there. I would go to the principle and let him/her know who the kid was and that you want something done about it.
No child should have to experience that. to have it happen at a private school is worse because they pick the kids to stay or not.
Good Luck to you.
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