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And see this is a huge part of the problem, and to some extent this response was predictable. Not to diminish the points you make, because I understand where you're coming from, but there ARE straight, normal, mild mannered black men JUST LIKE those carlton banks/braxton hartenabrig actors. And practically ALL productive, educated, studious white, indian, and asian men behave that way. But black men have been shoehorned into a permanent stage of adolescent hypermasculinity by not only media portrayals, but by the expectations of their own women. Its this sort of mysticism held by black women regarding the definition of a "straight black male" that makes young men overcompensate by throwing their lives away, and becoming adulterous sex hounds. The difference is that Screech and Zach were in highschool. Its rare for geeks of any race to win in highschool, but as adults, there is absolutely no reason why a grown woman (or man for that matter) over 25 should still have being cool and "fly" as a primary criteria for a mate. And its extremely rare to see other races in that age group placing such a premium on those characteristics.
And see, here is my deal, I really dont even mind if black women like losers and fly guys etc, etc. If William Balfour gets their motor running, then fine, whatever floats their boat is ok with me..BUT, the problem comes when you open up an essence magazine, or turn on the television and see a panel of black women whining about some kind of mythical shortage of decent faithful black men...or read some sort of long winding article about "successful sistas struggling to find love" and "where are all the good black men?"...well, you're not finding them, because you arent truly looking for them.
Too many black women are in love with the idea of finding a good faithful man. But their actions betray their words. Oh sure, they've been programmed to reflexively say they're looking for a good man, and oh sure, they'll pi$$ and moan to anyone who'll listen when they get abused by the HIV positive promiscuous OG after they become his 9th baby mama. But in reality, just like their mother's they dont recognize nor appreciate the qualities that an actual responsible stable man (yes that means he's going to be boring by comparison) brings to the table; because 9/10 times they're merely regurgitating what they've been told to say, rather than doing what they've been shown to do by a black woman who succeeded at mate selection; because after all, children learn best by example.
No he is not killing it. What he is failing to realize is that the 'thugs' that he claims most 'black' women like to date, don't really want full black women. Like the thugged out rappers they listen to in their music (Lil Wayne, TI, Jay Z, Kanye West) they prefer lightskin/mixed/biracial looking black women and overlook the ones who they deem as too black and dark looking. They routinely diss dark women with black features in their music. So, his post must be directed to the rihanna and beyonce looking black women
Good "nerdy" black men are in fact going after the same women the thugs want. How many thugs do you see with a Myrtle Urkel or a Myra? None. I have never seen a truly geeky girl paired up with a thug.
Take a look at all of Lil Wayne's ex girlfreinds, do you see any geeky women in the stable??? No.
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Most thugs and bad boys want the most flashy women because they feel entitled to them. And the nerdy black men on here simply want the same type of flashy women to validate them because they envy the type of women that the thugs get to date.
This is more about you being upset that the Lauren London types don't want to date you, however India Arie would be more than gladly to accept you but you probably ignore her and don't even know she exists.
Come On! Thats my point: Lauren London WAS A GEEK. She went to one of the most prestigious schools in California - She was as square as they come, initially, and there she is laying up with lil wayne so she could become his baby mama...like come on.
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Okay, so that means that their women are totally accepting of mild, mannered men, why don't you date African women? Oh...lemme guess..most of them are not mixed looking enough for you?? See you are doing the same thing you accuse black women of doing
Okay, since that is the case, then why not date black African women, since mild mannered men are the norm in their culture? They are Black women, and they will be a perfect match for you. Why are you still pressing for Black American women?
Oh I see what this is: this is a platform for you to project your personal hangups about skin tone onto people who have a different perspective than you on the issue of black relationships.
I wasnt speaking only of Africans. My statement was referring to Africans and Asians/Indians alike. I But er um, I have started finding African women attractive, and very attractive in some instances. Im not going to lie and say that I categorize them by skintone, nor can I honestly say I was always like this, but I would say over about the past year and a half, somewhere along the way I have developed an attraction to African women over most African American women. But only time will tell whether this is just a passing phase or not.
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Yes, lacking street smarts means you don't have common sense. And that is very important in a partner. Maybe decent men need to stop complaining and learn how to be more exciting and interesting, because no one wants to be in a relationship with a boring and dull partner.
Street smarts = common sense?...whoa..you lost me there...somebody better have a sit down with all these felons we have in the black community then, to find out why their street smarts/common sense didnt keep them out of the penitentiary.
I've stated this before and even linked articles about it. For some reason Black kids aren't allowed to be diverse like other groups. If you're in a majority black setting and don't act in the typical urban fashion you will be ridiculed. The only exceptionsthat I've seen is if you are good at sports or you're kin are popular with these types.
Come On! Thats my point: Lauren London WAS A GEEK. She went to one of the most prestigious schools in California - She was as square as they come, initially, and there she is laying up with lil wayne so she could become his baby man...like come on.
Yeah, she also has a 'look' that is accepted in the black community which is lightskin and long soft hair.
She is not truly a geek. She just so happens to have book smarts.
A geek to me is someone who is just awkward and eccentric, and Lauren isn't like that at all.
but you proved my point, you like the same phenotype as the thugs--the lightskin/mixed girls, and feel you are entitled to date those kind of girls.
I bet there were smart darkskin girls, with kinky hair that had good values and a head on their shoulders that these nerdy black guys could have easily dated. After all, most thugs like Lil Wayne and T.I are not chasing after them, they are in hot pursuit of the lightskin and mixed race girls.
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Oh I see what this is: this is a platform for you to project your personal hangups about skin tone onto people who have a different perspective than you on the issue of black relationships.
Yes, it is. I am tired of black men on here complaining about black women wanting rappers, drug dealers and thugs. Or how we encourage black men to be criminals. Most of these flashy thugs with swagger specifically want a certain type of woman, (lightskin, long hair) and do not want anything to do with a black woman who are too dark, and hair that is too kinky.
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But er um, I have started finding African women attractive, and very attractive in some instances. Im not going to lie and say that I categorize them by skintone, nor can I honestly say I was always like this, but I would say over about the past year and a half, somewhere along the way I have developed an attraction to African women over most African American women. But only time will tell whether this is just a passing phase or not.
So, all those years you have been pinning over Lauren London lookalikes who rejected you. And the intelligent, darkskin Black women are unfairly being labeled as the types who go after only thugs and drug dealers.
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Street smarts = common sense?...whoa..you lost me there...somebody better have a sit down with all these felons we have in the black community then, to find out why their street smarts/common sense didnt keep them out of the penitentiary.
street smarts does not mean you are a felon. you link anything negative or criminal to the black community. its just that socially awkward nerds are extremely sheltered and dont have alot of practical life experience or knowledge. street smarts.
It's gotten worse over the years. The only thing elected officials can do is throw more money at the schools and cross their fingers to see if that magically works.
I also think the easy availability of several social welfare programs makes it a non-issue financially. That doesn't help either.
As they say..you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.
No he is not killing it. What he is failing to realize is that the 'thugs' that he claims most 'black' women like to date, don't really want full black women. Like the thugged out rappers they listen to in their music (Lil Wayne, TI, Jay Z, Kanye West) they prefer lightskin/mixed/biracial looking black women and overlook the ones who they deem as too black and dark looking. They routinely diss dark women with black features in their music. So, his post must be directed to the rihanna and beyonce looking black women
I don't disagree that there's a colorism issue at play, but if I've said it once I've said it dozens of times--most black men do not care about your complexion or hair types. Atleast not enough to keep them from being attracted to a woman. Yall are the ones that obsess over that stuff lol. From what I can tell, the very people who make disparaging remarks about dark skin women tend to be other black women anyway.
When it comes to physical attraction, most black men that I have seen go for booty and hips. A black woman without booty will have a far more difficult time attracting black men than a dark skin woman who does. Whenever I see black men checking out a black woman, the first thing they check for is the butt...hands down.
Now as for rappers dissing dark skinned women-that is a flat out myth and exagerration. Because of rap's wider audiance, they have to have mixed, ambiguous and other races of women in there if they want to appeal to other racial groups for sales. And on top of that, usually their videos do include dark skinned women--they're just not the only women in them. Plus, there are tons of rappers who have paid homage to dark skinned women only for it to be ignored. Mos Def, Common, and Ludacris and several others have all made videos about dark skinned women, and for some odd reason those black women who insist that there's a preference never notice them.
And I'm going to keep it 100% with you...truth be told and as unspoken as it may be...dark skinned women are just as colorstruck and prefer lighter skinned males just as often. The only difference, is that dark skinned men don't complain about it.
So, all those years you have been pinning over Lauren London lookalikes who rejected you. And the intelligent, darkskin Black women are unfairly being labeled as the types who go after only thugs and drug dealers.
Oh dont get it twisted..I still think lauren london is pretty..I wouldnt want to wife her, but she's pretty. Its just that living where I live now, Im exposed to a lot more different cultures than I was in my formative years, and its readily apparent to me that other cultures have a lot to bring to the table by comparison.
Ive been rejected by all types of women, not just "lighskinned" or "darkskinned" women, so one monkey dont stop no show in my world..Even if its name were Lauren London
*sigh* There is more than enough fault to go around on both sides of the equation between black men and black women. The problem with these types of discussions is that people want to their side to be right, when more often the truth is found somewhere in the middle. The problem is not that black women want thugs or that black men only want light skin/long hair. It is really about people, with limited social connections, skills or outlets being able to meet one another and having realistic expectations about what is important in a potential marriage partner. But hey, I've only been married to the father of both of my kids for 20+ years, so what do I know...
Originally Posted by soletaire And see this is a huge part of the problem, and to some extent this response was predictable. Not to diminish the points you make, because I understand where you're coming from, but there ARE straight, normal, mild mannered black men JUST LIKE those carlton banks/braxton hartenabrig actors.
Yes, there are certainly straight, normal mild mannered black men, but the problem is, many of them are not looking for regular black women, they are looking for hoochies, just like the thugs. Once these guys are rejected/dismissed, many of them develop a hatred for black women and later claim that all black women only date thugs, when in fact that is simply untrue.
If a black man is truly interested in dating a good black woman, he doesn't really have to search far. Just head to the local bookstore or college campus or sign up for an online dating site, like eharmony or match.com. Avoid the clubs and/or lounges, especially if they are in inner city neighborhoods.
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And practically ALL productive, educated, studious white, indian, and asian men behave that way. But black men have been shoehorned into a permanent stage of adolescent hypermasculinity by not only media portrayals, but by the expectations of their own women.
The media plays a role, but black males are also largely responsible for how they are percieved as a group. You can't support music by 50 cent and lil wayne, and then cry out that black men are stereotyped. In truth, the media would have relatively little influence if more black guys simply had positive male role models in their lives, during the early stages of development. This is really the crux of the issue.
Also, we need to stop acting as though it's only the thug/criminal types that abandon their children in the black community. There are plenty of average joe so called 'nice' black guys that also walk out on their children.
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Its this sort of mysticism held by black women regarding the definition of a "straight black male" that makes young men overcompensate by throwing their lives away, and becoming adulterous sex hounds. The difference is that Screech and Zach were in highschool. Its rare for geeks of any race to win in highschool, but as adults, there is absolutely no reason why a grown woman (or man for that matter) over 25 should still have being cool and "fly" as a primary criteria for a mate. And its extremely rare to see other races in that age group placing such a premium on those characteristics.
There's a plethora of young single black women who are college educated. Perhaps these women do not look like Beyonce, but they are certainly out there. Last year, I was trying to help a young black guy meet a nice black girl, but I noticed he was extremely immature. He kept stating that he was only interested in 9's or 10's. Mind you, this particular guy was only making 30k/year and he was very much average interms of his looks. He however felt that since he didn't have a prison record and he actually had employment, all women should be impressed. It was rather sad. I tried to encourage him to date regular black women, but he refused. He wanted a Beyonce look-a-like. This guy had no understanding that the Beyonce look-a-likes, understand that they are in high demand, and are usually looking for attractive alpha males that are making six figures.
This particular guy has a very active youtube channel, where he uploads videos stating that all black women are only interested in thugs. I have decided that he's a lost cause, but I imagine that there are so many other black guys out there with similar dysfunctional mindsets.
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And see, here is my deal, I really dont even mind if black women like losers and fly guys etc, etc. If William Balfour gets their motor running, then fine, whatever floats their boat is ok with me..BUT, the problem comes when you open up an essence magazine, or turn on the television and see a panel of black women whining about some kind of mythical shortage of decent faithful black men...or read some sort of long winding article about "successful sistas struggling to find love" and "where are all the good black men?"...well, you're not finding them, because you arent truly looking for them.
Your average black woman is certainly not looking for a loser or a fly guy. Perhaps there are young black women out there who are looking for excitement, but I'd venture to guess, they have no idea what's in store for them if they deal with certain types of guys.
The thugs are horrific, but many of the so-called nice black guys are sometimes just as bad. Many view themselves as 'great' simply for not having a criminal record and attending college. Often these guys have no interest in committing to one woman, which explains why the marriage rates are so low amongst young blacks.
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Too many black women are in love with the idea of finding a good faithful man. But their actions betray their words. Oh sure, they've been programmed to reflexively say they're looking for a good man, and oh sure, they'll pi$$ and moan to anyone who'll listen when they get abused by the HIV positive promiscuous OG after they become his 9th baby mama. But in reality, just like their mother's they dont recognize nor appreciate the qualities that an actual responsible stable man (yes that means he's going to be boring by comparison) brings to the table; because 9/10 times they're merely regurgitating what they've been told to say, rather than doing what they've been shown to do by a black woman who succeeded at mate selection; because after all, children learn best by example.
It's odd that you believe there are so many great black guys in the U.S. My question is, if there are so many, why are they unable to change the black male's negative image?
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street smarts does not mean you are a felon. you link anything negative or criminal to the black community. its just that socially awkward nerds are extremely sheltered and dont have alot of practical life experience or knowledge. street smarts.
