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Have you ever been out at a gathering with people you meet for the first time and everyone is getting along well and then someone asks "hey what do you do for a living??"
I find that to be rude. I read that in France you could go to a dinner party every other night with several couples for a year and NO ONE would dare ask what you do for a living. They would ask questions like what book did you read last, Or have you visited the Louve museum or some sort of museum or discuss the arts.
But why do we Americans have the tendency to do this?? I hired someone to do some work for me and that was one of the questions he asked me--I was immediately turned off. My reply was do you base your fee upon occupation??? He was silent. Very evident he didnt like that response. Its as if alot of Americans feel entitled to know what you do for a living as a way to size you up.
So then he says wow I never met someone so secretive about their occupation--Are you a top government official on an assignment. At that point I terminated his contract and taught him a very good lesson in professionalism. You are here to do a job, not attempt to pass judgement or size up your client.
What are your thoughts?? Anyone else find this question rude and annoying??
You're not in France, you're in the United States. As much as you might think it may stink, "what do you do for a living?" is a perfectly acceptable question to ask here. It's a great conversation-starter. And unless you're a pimp, gangster, or drug trafficker, you have nothing to fear answering it.
I don't mind that question, it's when they ask about how much you make, why do people think they are entitled to know what your income is? When you start a new job, one of the first things asked is, how much do you make? NEVERMIND!
Personally, I think you're incredibly rude and over-sensitive, and honestly you seem kind of stuck-up about your own perceived level of class and dignity as well. The question was just a simple conversation starter; nothing more. No need for such an out-of-proportion reaction.
Personally I enjoy talking about my work and wouldn't mind such a question at all.
I can see both sides of the discussion. There is merit to both points of view.
My father was in the diamond business. He was a regional sales rep for one of the biggest fine diamond importing and trading companies. Sometimes he carried a briefcase with hundreds of thousands of dollars - maybe even a million - in loose diamonds of the highest quality. Naturally he did not want total strangers or even casual acquaintances to know what he did for a living. It wasn't even comfortable when close friends and relatives knew his business because they would ask him about buying a diamond from him at the wholesale cost ... something that he could not do (his clients would place orders for packages of diamonds - called "lots" - that ran into 6 figures easily.)
Asking some people what they do as an occupation can be intrusive.
I remember when I was laid off from my job in early 2008, how embarrassing it was to say "well, I'm unemployed" ... even "I'm between jobs" is just as embarrassing. Can you imagine, as a single man, being invited to a social event or a club where other singles are, and you're always asked about your job when you don't have one? Not a good way to find a date.
On the other hand, the people who ask this question just want to break the ice, start a conversation, they aren't trying to be rude or intrusive. It's like saying "How are you?" and you respond "Fine, thanks" even if you are not fine.
It's just a conventional greeting that is all.
If someone asks the question "What do you do?" Why not answer with a hobby, such as "I go hiking, do some gardening, and on weekends I go to yard sales and flea markets." If they respond, "Oh, I mean what do you do for a living?" just reply "Too boring to talk about. What are your hobbies?" They'll get the message.
When asked the question you don't have to be precise. My Dad would say "I deal in rocks. By the way, are you in need of gravel for your driveway or flag stone for your backyard?"
Have you ever been out at a gathering with people you meet for the first time and everyone is getting along well and then someone asks "hey what do you do for a living??"
I find that to be rude. I read that in France you could go to a dinner party every other night with several couples for a year and NO ONE would dare ask what you do for a living. They would ask questions like what book did you read last, Or have you visited the Louve museum or some sort of museum or discuss the arts.
But why do we Americans have the tendency to do this?? I hired someone to do some work for me and that was one of the questions he asked me--I was immediately turned off. My reply was do you base your fee upon occupation??? He was silent. Very evident he didnt like that response. Its as if alot of Americans feel entitled to know what you do for a living as a way to size you up.
So then he says wow I never met someone so secretive about their occupation--Are you a top government official on an assignment. At that point I terminated his contract and taught him a very good lesson in professionalism. You are here to do a job, not attempt to pass judgement or size up your client.
What are your thoughts?? Anyone else find this question rude and annoying??
Can you link to the article you are talking about. I've read a bit about France...sounds like they can be intrusive in their own way, especially in matters regarding parenting.
Why is asking about the arts or a museum necessarily a better question...doesn't that depend on who you ask.
I can see in some cases that is no one's business. However in the age of google it is becoming easier to find this information...especially if you are an employee in the public sector.
It's weird, because when I lived in NYC, almost no one ever asked me what I did. When I moved to San Diego, even people like barbers would ask me about my job. Then they'd talk about how NYC is all about money, and how we here are more laid back, etc. Yeah, I can see that.
One is an optometrist and runs her own practice, the other is a minority in 3rd position next to the VP of a very large firm. They both are very well to do and HATE being asked what they do for a living. The optometrist when asked she says she works in an office, which she techinquely does, the other says tax payer or some smart aleck response.
I think its best to define someone by character based on character not occupation. And yes the individual was sizing me up on appearance. He did not want to disclose after being asked several times his fee, he prefered to know what I did for a living. I surmise that he thought he was going to get paid very well based on what category he placed me in his mind, and the owner of the company who referred him to me. I did let the owner know and she agreed that it was very unprofessional and called for.
I find the comment about the optometrist a little odd. An optometrist has some public presence in the community...just like a dentist, lawyer etc. Why would you have a reason to hide that, without coming across as very odd. Don't want people to know what you do...then don't have a job like an optometrist. Does she have some secret location for her optometry office...so only a chosen few can know what she does?
Nope, not in the slightest. I feel more than comfortable in my skin despite what tax bracket the next person may be in. That doesn't even play a factor in my decision of whether or not I want to continue or discontinue a conversation with the individual.
I think he was just fishing (I agree, it's NONE of his business) to see what kinda money he could get out of you...if you're making good coin, he'd probably trump up some additional charges......I don't think it's "normal" at all...definately NOT a conversation starter....next time a stranger asks you what you do for a living (especially if you've hired them to do work),answer them with a question of your own (thats pretty irritating on its own) .. ask them how much money they bring home monthly doing their job...turn the tables so to speak....or maybe think of some interesting answers you could use....."I study the sex habits of the south american swamp rat"...."I research corrupt business practices for the better business bureu"....whatever...could be fun, instead of annoying.
Have you ever been out at a gathering with people you meet for the first time and everyone is getting along well and then someone asks "hey what do you do for a living??"
No one has ever prefaced it with "Hey," as far as I can recall, but otherwise, yes. Many times, often in fact. After a conversation with a stranger has proceded to a certain point, it strikes me as a logical, polite and interesting question. I have never resented it. I recall no situation where anyone I have asked has resented it.
Conversations develop to the point where it is a normal and intelligent conversational gambit.
To be asked almost first crack out of the box would strike me as odd, but hardly something to get in high dudgeon about.
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I find that to be rude. I read that in France you could go to a dinner party every other night with several couples for a year and NO ONE would dare ask what you do for a living. They would ask questions like what book did you read last, Or have you visited the Louve museum or some sort of museum or discuss the arts.
First of all, you live in the U.S., right? So, you're stuck with what Americans do.
I am an American living in Europe, though not France. I have no American friends here, mostly Germans and Portuguese. And a few English. Most of these people are well-educated, but have not necessarily had grand professional positions; however, they have been traditionally educated and are intested in politics, arts, etc. With all of them, I believe, they have brought up their occupations or former occupations relatively quickly, or if not, once some background has been put out by them, I asked what they do.
Rarely have I met a new person so boring or repellant, that I have no interest in asking or knowing.
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But why do we Americans have the tendency to do this?? I hired someone to do some work for me and that was one of the questions he asked me--I was immediately turned off. My reply was do you base your fee upon occupation??? He was silent. Very evident he didnt like that response. Its as if alot of Americans feel entitled to know what you do for a living as a way to size you up.
So then he says wow I never met someone so secretive about their occupation--Are you a top government official on an assignment. At that point I terminated his contract and taught him a very good lesson in professionalism.
You are here to do a job, not attempt to pass judgement or size up your client.
I lived in the U.S. for sixty-two years, and I found this to be a question that people asked very soon after being introduced. I've have had workmen I was engaging ask me this question very quickly, maybe it's a guy-thing. I never saw it as rude in the slightest.
To me your reaction is totally over-the-top to the point of paranoic. You were casually asked about what you do for work, not your diaphragm size. You are treating this as if it were a verbal rape. Why do you think this question means people are using it to "size you up" or "pass judgement"? Are you, perhaps, assuming other people use this question as you do? Do you feel inferior to other people because of your work, or superior to them?
You taught him no lesson, other than the fact that you are a touchy nut-job. A fact that he has probably communicated to others.
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