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If you are miserable of course kids will not make you happy. Anyone who thought otherwise is a fool.
My kid doesn't make me happy, I was happy before she came along. My kid makes me happier.
The conclusion drawn from these studies is not that kids cannot make you happier. The conclusion is that for many/most couples, having kids makes them less happy/content not just for the time the kids are in the home, but over the course of their lifetimes.
Some find that having children increases their happiness. For most, it seems that having kids decreases the amount of contentment they find in their lives. It sounds like you made the correct decision. Unfortunately, many do not.
Yes, yes, I know you believe that. That's why I just noted the arrogance you folks tend to demonstrate on this count. Notice that childless couples have typically accepted this nonsense without getting terribly offended, yet when we point out something that is demonstrably true, namely that most of you are less content by virtue of your kids, your feelings are quickly hurt.
You have no idea how much other people love the people in their lives. Your ignorance leads you to believe that the love for your child just must surpass theirs.
I've got 11 years experience of knowing exactly what it is like to be childless with no prospects of having any children. As luck would have it, I got a better job with benefits that covered the cost of in vitro fertilization. Simply put, we got ridiculously lucky. Most childless couples dealing with fertility issues don't have the spare $10,000 per try for in vitro. I know because that's where we were for 11 years. We couldn't afford adoption either which is even more expensive if you want a baby. I was hesitant to adopt older children because I viewed it as playing the proverbial video-game of parenting on "insanely hard mode."
So there we were, me with four older sisters all with at least three children each and my wife with two siblings 5 years and 6 years younger than her, both with kids. Go to church or work or go hang out with friends, hang out with family and they all talk about their kids. There you sit with nothing to say and wishing that you at least had the option of having children of your own. And everyone tries to be so polite and tiptoe around the subject for you, which somehow makes it even worse. It sucks!!
We were content enough and happy enough and I've no doubt that is critically important. If you are a miserable self-loathing sort of person, having children is not going throw the switch from "Depressed and Miserable" to "Deliriously happy." We were already quite happy and our son just multiplied that happiness.
I think the evidence is pretty cut and dry. Kids won't make you happy. In fact, your probably going to be a little more "unhappy" on average if you have kids.
I wasn't at all surprised by the World Happiness Report published by The Earth Institute of Columbia University answers the question, 'Do children make their parents happy?'
Well, you can't measure yourself. Your level of happiness must be applied to the general social/economic level of happiness of a childless person at same salary/etc.
With that being said. . . and the fact I don't have as much money, I don't get to play games as much, don't get to travel to europe as much, and all those negatives that generally make me less happy - on average - than before
I couldn't imagine not having the little guy.
Maybe average happiness is less
but you really can't beat a 3 year old yelling "daddy BIG HUG" and coming at you.
so maybe i'm less happy overall
but I wouldn't trade the Big Hug for the world.
I have a three year old and feel exactly the same as you.
The conclusion drawn from these studies is not that kids cannot make you happier. The conclusion is that for many/most couples, having kids makes them less happy/content not just for the time the kids are in the home, but over the course of their lifetimes.
Some find that having children increases their happiness. For most, it seems that having kids decreases the amount of contentment they find in their lives. It sounds like you made the correct decision. Unfortunately, many do not.
Being a good parent is probably one of the most demanding and difficult jobs out there. It requires a multitude of skills and personality traits that most don't possess.
That being the case, at least half of the parents I've met are not suited to be parents.
I think the evidence is pretty cut and dry. Kids won't make you happy. In fact, your probably going to be a little more "unhappy" on average if you have kids.
I wasn't at all surprised by the World Happiness Report published by The Earth Institute of Columbia University answers the question, 'Do children make their parents happy?'
This study and you did a basic statistical mistake. It assumes the want of getting children is statistically independent of getting children. That is obviously not true.
The people who want to get children tend to get children, the ones who don't tend to not get children. If your numbers are going to mean something, then they need to look at parents who want children, but don't get children and compare them to parents who want children and get children.
Also they need to adjust for age, as it makes little sense to compare a 20 year old without children with a 45 year old with children.
The only thing worse than having kids....is not having kids.
Wrong.
Some people don't want kids, like me...so for us, having them would be worse than not having them.
Plus, I think having kids then regretting having had them would be worse than any other scenario by far. That is one of the reasons why I remain childless. I'm not really sure I want them, and I sure wouldn't want to have them then regret the decision. You can't give them back.
This study and you did a basic statistical mistake. It assumes the want of getting children is statistically independent of getting children. That is obviously not true.
The people who want to get children tend to get children, the ones who don't tend to not get children. If your numbers are going to mean something, then they need to look at parents who want children, but don't get children andcompare them to parents who want children and get children.
Also they need to adjust for age, as it makes little sense to compare a 20 year old without children with a 45 year old with children.
The decision to have (or not have) children is not a factor.
So the way I would look at it is you have a few possible answers:
People who Want Children Are always unhappier than people who don't
People with Children have factors that contribute to unhappiness than people who don't
People who don't want children or always happier than people who don't
To me it rings of common sense.
having Children does bring with it significant highs, and as a parent I would never look to give that up
yet parents make huge sacrifices in their life (money, vacation, etc) and there are added issues that contribute to anxiety (kid disciplined, kids future, lack of money, etc)
So I'm in the camp that I can easily believe that on average you are happier in life if you don't have a kid.
Yet I also believe that 99.9% of parents wouldn't trade their kids for that gain in happiness.
Some people don't want kids, like me...so for us, having them would be worse than not having them.
Plus, I think having kids then regretting having had them would be worse than any other scenario by far. That is one of the reasons why I remain childless. I'm not really sure I want them, and I sure wouldn't want to have them then regret the decision. You can't give them back.
Or having them but being unable or not knowing how to discipline them. Or not being able to afford them without government assistance.
Or having them but being unable or not knowing how to discipline them. Or not being able to afford them without government assistance.
That wouldn't be me, but I see your point.
Quote:
That sucks for everybody, including the kids.
Yes it does. There are a lot of people out there who shouldn't be having kids, and some people who quite honestly would have been better off if they'd never been born.
My wife and I travelled to Europe and did what we want when we wanted to before kids..went out to eat constantly, went on long weekend drives, flew all over. Do I miss it sometimes? Yes. But even then, I was still searching and there were plenty of moments of unhappiness. I much more happy overall with kids than I was without. Those who are not, probably weren't doing great in the first place, or they are so self absorbed that kids were a bad idea.
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