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Well, I never said that. I am talking about Americans who ignore their own parents and place them in retirement homes because they are not willing to do simple tasks such as driving them to the doctor and supermarket.
You didn't qualify this statement earlier, you simply said "put them in a nursing home to rot" - so of course I would assume you're making a blanketed statement.
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What about when she was 94 years old and younger. You never took care of her? You never was
around?
As I said in my post, she lived in an independent-living retirement complex until 94 - basically an apartment building for seniors, just with nursing staff on-hand in case of emergencies. She was very independent and "agile" until that point, but had to move once it was discovered she could no longer care for herself. And just as the situation is now, she was also then living 3000+ miles away from us... we (my immediate family) moved to California in 1983, when I was 7 years old, and she lives in Massachusetts. So while we visit as often as possible, there isn't a whole lot we can physically do from across the country.
She actually moved up to Massachusetts from Philadelphia when my grandfather died, back in 1997, just to be within a short drive of my aunt & uncle... that way if she did need assistance (outside of what she could get at her complex), an immediate family member was just a few minutes away. We are very grateful for their help, particularly from my aunt since my uncle still works full-time, and she's been wonderful about being at grandma's beck & call whenever needed. We did offer to move her out here after my grandpa died, but she had ZERO interest in coming to "that crazy place (California)." It took some convincing even to get her out of Philly, but we just felt more comfortable having her near her daughter & son-in-law.
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There is nothing wrong with placing a very old individual in a retirement home because she needs more help than you can provide. What is wrong is to place them there because you are not willing to be there for them. That's why I am adding, "let them rot".
Well, then that's a whole different issue... again, you made it sound like a general statement against nursing homes in general. Sorry if I took it the wrong way (and didn't have a chance to read the entire conversation/thread), but you didn't really qualify it until now.
[font=Arial]It does seem like most parents, with the exception of some, want their kids on a leash even after the kids are grown and independent. Many, especially mothers, will play the victim card of why their kids hardly visit them.
Well, sometimes the kids are unable to be around their parents, and that is understandable. Of course you want them to be around, but they should also be allowed to live their own life.
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They even get disappointed if the adult kid doesn't tell them what they're up do.
Of course. Parents are interested in their kids. I could never imagine not telling my parents what I am up to. That's the least you can do.
It does seem like most parents, with the exception of some, want their kids on a leash even after the kids are grown and independent. Many, especially mothers, will play the victim card of why their kids hardly visit them.
Seems like parents don't want their own kids to do their own thing. They even get disappointed if the adult kid doesn't tell them what they're up do.
You can have a thriving, deep, close relationship with your parents as an adult or not. I suppose it depends on how they raised you.
You can have a thriving, deep, close relationship with your parents as an adult or not. I suppose it depends on how they raised you.
My relationship with my parents has only gotten stronger over the years, and in the case of my mother, has turned into more of a friendship than mother/daughter like it used to be... we hang out almost weekly, even just to go grocery shopping or have dinner together. And especially now that my father is having serious issues (dementia), I find myself wanting to spend more time than ever with him.
Pets and kids are totally different. Pets don't costs at much and they rarely bother their owners. It gets irritiating when some compares kids to dogs or cats, like they're both the same.
While I agree pets & children aren't the same, I simply cannot agree with the bolded statement... spend an evening at my home, with the 3 cats and 1 dog, then tell me they don't bother you at all! I call myself a combination of doorman(woman), chef, waitress, nurse, daycare facilitator, and referee, just to name a few of my "jobs" in caring for those pets. But I love 'em anyway, lol.
Now to get this thread back on track, I choose to be "childfree" because I simply don't have the energy or patience for a child - nor the partner to have one with, at least not at this point. I'm 36 years old, so my fertile years are waning, and I honestly don't see my opinion changing between now & then. But it's not completely off the table, and if I meet a partner in the next few years, I would certainly consider the possibility. But I wouldn't have one JUST to care for me when I'm old, especially since I'm lucky enough to where I won't financially need a family member to take on that burden.
My relationship with my parents has only gotten stronger over the years, and in the case of my mother, has turned into more of a friendship than mother/daughter like it used to be... we hang out almost weekly, even just to go grocery shopping or have dinner together. And especially now that my father is having serious issues (dementia), I find myself wanting to spend more time than ever with him.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. That's heart breaking. It's wonderful that you are getting closer with your mom and I hope you two are able to manage his condition with some ease. My relationships have gotten stronger as well. My mom and I touch base 3-4 times a day. It's been tough with my gram because my mom cannot leave her alone and gram won't accept respite from anyone but me or my cousin, so our physical time together is limited. She's convinced that she will die if my mom isn't there, which is probably true. My mom knows her conditions so well.
You and your caps read psychotic. I already help them, fool. But no matter how much freaks on this forum yap, a pregnant woman (me) cannot be carrying around an adult nor can a 71 year old. I cannot quit my job and leave my family to give her the f/t care she needs. The assertion is retarded.
What I find funny about your accusations is that you're basically a do nothing, like the others in this tread who make charges with no experience, but you point fingers. We had a hospice mgr in this thread testify to his/her experiences with families, which you ignore. What you do instead is come off as hysterical and accusatory. Honestly, given your mother's condition you might want to pause for a minute.
Oh? Pregnancy is a terminal condition? Are you confined to bed? You're telling me you can't do one d_mn_d thing EVER for your mom and grandma??????? Come on now. And as for your getting pregnant when you KNEW that they needed help, that was really really responsible of you, wasn't it? You couldn't wait, could you? You HAD to stop birth control or whatever, and get yourself pregnant when you knew full well that your mom and grandma needed help?
I think I've heard just about enough about your completely upside down priorities. Carry on in your completely self-absorbed, selfish world, pretending you're some kind of innocent in this.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. That's heart breaking. It's wonderful that you are getting closer with your mom and I hope you two are able to manage his condition with some ease. My relationships have gotten stronger as well. My mom and I touch base 3-4 times a day. It's been tough with my gram because my mom cannot leave her alone and gram won't accept respite from anyone but me or my cousin, so our physical time together is limited. She's convinced that she will die if my mom isn't there, which is probably true. My mom knows her conditions so well.
Thanks... it's still in the early stages, and we're hoping something (medications?) can be done to slow or reverse the process. Good thing is that they ruled out Alzheimer's, so he is planning to see a specialist to determine what's going on - but so far it's his short-term memory that is shot, while his long-term is still pretty good. Oh, and my parents are divorced, so my mother is sad but not actually assisting him. He is remarried, though, and for once I'm very grateful she's in our lives to help.
But it is a sad moment when you realize your parents' mortality, as we all eventually have to face... I think that's when the "role reversal" really happens, as my siblings & I are already starting to act more parent-like in our desires to help our father. All part of the circle of life, I suppose.
Oh, and you do bring up another point Braunwyn - what about the wishes of the elderly themselves? Your gram doesn't want help from anyone but her daughter, just as my grandma didn't want to live with her children. Don't they get a say in the matter, even if that say involves going to a care facility? It's not like we shoved her in there against her will, for goodness sakes! I mean, she might be 96 years old, but she's still not the kind of woman you'd want to cross. LOL
Oh? Pregnancy is a terminal condition? Are you confined to bed? You're telling me you can't do one d_mn_d thing EVER for your mom and grandma??????? Come on now. And as for your getting pregnant when you KNEW that they needed help, that was really really responsible of you, wasn't it? You couldn't wait, could you? You HAD to stop birth control or whatever, and get yourself pregnant when you knew full well that your mom and grandma needed help?
I think I've heard just about enough about your completely upside down priorities. Carry on in your completely self-absorbed, selfish world, pretending you're some kind of innocent in this.
I'm sorry, but this is really crossing the line of obnoxiousness... so now she's selfish for getting pregnant?? Wow, just wow.
It's one thing to be there for your parents, another to put your entire life on hold FOREVER to accommodate their "possible" needs - and to stall or forgo starting your own family, just in the off-chance an elderly relative might want your assistance. I don't think any parents want that from their children, in fact my parents would be devastated if we gave up that much to care for them. My father loves his grandchildren soooooo much, they've actually been his one respite in his own recent health crisis. Without them, I think he might give up and die right now.
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It took some convincing even to get her out of Philly, but we just felt more comfortable having her near her daughter & son-in-law.
