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The titl of the thread is..........
" Singles and couples, what are your reasons for not wanting/having children"
How you interpret that to include anybody other than people who do not want or plan to have children is beyond me
I guess the slash parsed it when I read it, sort of like an "or", don't want "or" have. A mis-read on my part, but that's how initially looked to me. Although I don't have children yet.
I have zero responsibility to caregive my parents. They forfeited that privilege a long time ago. I would have looked after my Grand-Parents but my parents, heck no way. Respect is earned not a given and they lost that by the way they treated me. Not everyone's parents are worthy of love or respect. And if one's own parents are not worthy of being looked after I really do not see why volunteering and being active in the community is somehow a sign of hypocrisy and wrong doing ?!?!
My Mother can personally make her own arrangements when it comes to that time. I could not care less quite frankly.
If you have been the victim of child abuse, sorry about your suffering. It is a tragedy. Not everyone is fit to have kids. Some parents think they're good parents, and they're not, others have nothing to give, others have a horrible situation and can't be good parents given the circumstances. There should also be mandatory school courses on childraising. That might solve a lot of problems.
You asked about volunteering. There's essentially nothing wrong with volunteering.
The world suck big time, why would I have a kid inherit this mess from me and you.
My kids are grown but if i could could do it again i see why people don't have kids.
Its this evil world.
I have kids. It was intentional. I love my kids and would not change that decision for anything in the world. but your statement above certainly did enter into my mind when my wife and I discussed our "plan"
It was the one thing that gave me pause. Could I live with myself bringing children into this world considering out messed up it is, and further how messed up it will be by the time they are grown.
I hope I made the right decision. I am glad that we decided to have children. I just hope they can fix what my generation and those previous broke.
No, actually, that entire attitude is the typically selfish, self-absorbed, "ME ME ME AND ONLY ME" attitude that family does not matter, and never takes precedence for any reason.
I think everyone, and I do mean everyone needs to be personally responsible for their relatives, and I don't care who they are. That's part of what personal responsibility is about. It's not merely two words one mentions in discussions of politics. It actually means something. Anything else is just bs.
THree things here:
1) As others say, having children just so someone will be there for you in old age is SELFISH. There is no gaurentee. With or without kids, everyone needs some kind of plan in place. After what we went through with other relatives, I plan to not be a burden, kids or no kids. My great-aunt and step-grandmother had no kids so they relied on my family, especially single me back then. This happened with in-laws to a point. You can't take someone for granted.
2)Caregiving is give and take. It isn't a one way street. It is the relaive's personal repsonisbility first to ensure they have proper care when the time comes. What if they outlive the kids or the kids are disabaled etc? There are things to think about here.
3. Women are just expected to be care givers. Maybe it's time men stepped up to bat. I think that the gender roles thing causes way too many problems in society.
No more selfish than those who have kids just to live off the government in which the childfree have to pay taxes for, or a female has them just so she could collect a child support check.
Since when is parenting so sacrificial? It's a choice. Agree with above comment. Everyone amkes sacrifices no matter what kind of life they live. Some women/men have given up their desire for kids for the love of their spouse.
1) As others say, having children just so someone will be there for you in old age is SELFISH. There is no gaurentee. With or without kids, everyone needs some kind of plan in place. After what we went through with other relatives, I plan to not be a burden, kids or no kids. My great-aunt and step-grandmother had no kids so they relied on my family, especially single me back then. This happened with in-laws to a point. You can't take someone for granted.
2)Caregiving is give and take. It isn't a one way street. It is the relaive's personal repsonisbility first to ensure they have proper care when the time comes. What if they outlive the kids or the kids are disabaled etc? There are things to think about here.
3. Women are just expected to be care givers. Maybe it's time men stepped up to bat. I think that the gender roles thing causes way too many problems in society.
I agree partially. On point one, I don't think it's selfish. I think family members should be there for one another. However, expecting kids to take care of parents in the U.S. is a highly unlikely happening. On point 2, it's a give and take, yes. I think if kids were taken care of, they owe a responsibility to the parent (if they are alive, of course - you posed the possibility that the kids might die before the parent, which could happen, though unlikely). On point 3, yes, absolutely, but how probable is it that one could get a man to be the caregiver? Sure there are some, but very few. Usually it's always the women, as with the childrearing.
1) As others say, having children just so someone will be there for you in old age is SELFISH. There is no gaurentee. With or without kids, everyone needs some kind of plan in place. After what we went through with other relatives, I plan to not be a burden, kids or no kids. My great-aunt and step-grandmother had no kids so they relied on my family, especially single me back then. This happened with in-laws to a point. You can't take someone for granted.
2)Caregiving is give and take. It isn't a one way street. It is the relaive's personal repsonisbility first to ensure they have proper care when the time comes. What if they outlive the kids or the kids are disabaled etc? There are things to think about here.
3. Women are just expected to be care givers. Maybe it's time men stepped up to bat. I think that the gender roles thing causes way too many problems in society.
That's part of the problem. We live so far away from one another, and there's no cohesiveness within family. The ideal is to move the elderly person close to one. I think a lot of people don't do this for two reasons: 1) they don't want to spend the money; 2) out of sight out of mind - they're happy as pie without having to feel responsible for their elderly relative.
Can't speak for others, but as I said in a later post, we did offer to move her out here... she emphatically said NO WAY, and ended up moving near her other daughter (my aunt, along with my uncle & cousin) in MA instead. So it's not like she is alone, and it certainly wasn't a money decision - especially considering my mother paid for half of her living expenses until recently.
Quote:
However, there's even plenty that can be done even from far away. For example, calling the person daily, talking to nursing staff daily, asking other members of the family who live closer to go visit the elderly person, paying for services (all kinds, companions, readers, masseurs, etc. etc.) whenever there's a bit of spare money, or, the best expenditure of all, having family members make the effort to individually fly out and visit the person, and make sure that the person is being cared for as well as possible.
Yes, indeed. Since we are so far away from my Grandma, my family has done most/all of the above. Lately the phone calls have become difficult, due to her hearing, but I know my mother still calls at least twice weekly... and I like sending her flowers randomly, since I know she misses her old garden.
Anyway, I do agree with most of your points, but not all families can be judged so quickly. Every family is different, and as long as WE are all comfortable with our situations, that is all that matters. Right?
Last edited by gizmo980; 02-22-2013 at 12:16 AM..
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