I find it disgusting that whites in this country farm their parents off to nursing homes more than other races/cultures (doctor, world)

[FKD19124]

It started with the baby boomer generation. They invented the nursing home.

Originally Posted by smittyjohnny38

in this nation. To me this is a result of the consumerist, selfish mindset that has permeated this nation. Please spare me the PC all races do this crapola. Ive seen the numbers and more whites throw their parents in nursing homes than do hispanics, blacks, and Asians. What a dirtbag mentality. The people who have given you life and brought you into this world, raised you and you cant be bothered with them? I am white, but I'll call out my own race when I have to and call a spade a spade. When it comes to how to respect your elders and treat your parents I really admire as we all should the Asians and Indians.

[FKD19124]

Of all the nursing homes I have been into, 99% of the patients are white.

Originally Posted by nowitsshowtime

I agree with OP. It seems like more of an American trait. I can't necessarily pinpoint it to just whites, but the bond and meaning of family seems much different in the US.

I was born here, but grew up with strong European ties, and I feel like the way my family sticks together is much different than what I see with many friends. Even the bond I have with my family in Europe seems closer than many people have over here.

[FKD19124]

you forgot nurses aides who don't give a crap about the patients except for their paycheck and who steal and abuse the patients.

Originally Posted by hnsq

Wanting your parents to be in the same building as doctors and nurses who can respond to medical emergencies at a moment's notice and save their lives. How heartless! Let's let them live in our homes so that they can have an even higher chance of dying because of health problems due to no on-site medical care!

Great idea champ.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by smittyjohnny38

Look this has been my experience..that is all.. I grew up in a middle class town that had a large percentage of Asians and Hispanics! They had much more respect for their elders IN GENERAL, than the whites that lived in the town. They cared for them more and included them more in family functions. Fast forward now to 25 years later.. I live in an upper middle class predominetly white town. You can barely find a couple who wants to be around their parents. They usually brag about hospice' and "retirement communities' that they look forward to getting their parents into. Nice way to treat the people who raised you and brought you into this world. I don't want anything from my children... but I will sacrifice everything for them and my parents as they age. When you love someone you put them ahead of yourself. Let's hear the excuses..fire away!

My family is predominately "white" (for the sake of communication on this thread).

My parents voluntarily live in a retirement community. They do NOT want to be dependent upon their children, and they greatly value their own independence. Even though my mother has had a stroke and is considerably weaker than my dad, and can't drive, she has made it clear that if he passes before she does, she wants to live on her own as long as possible - and she and my dad have saved all their lives in order to be as independent as possible well into old age.

In fact, as a family we've discussed this in depth, being planful sorts. The plan is that if a parent becomes so frail that they absolutely cannot live on their own, we will build a guest house in our backyard for them (the proceeds coming from the sale of their home or their savings - which they have at hand because they've planned for their own aging process). But they have to live wherever we're living - which could be just about anywhere. When we were kids, we had to live where their careers were - now that they are dependent, they have to live where our careers are. It's been my experience that this is the major sticking point for many families - the elderly parents don't want to move across the country, let alone across the state.

When a terminal illness is involved, I think it's still important for the sick person to remain as independent as they can for as long as possible - for morale reasons as well as for the overall good of the entire family. That way when end of life care is inevitable, people aren't burned out -and this probably isn't going to drag out for years - it's maybe a matter of months.

Here's the thing - I know that each case is different and every family is different, but don't assume that elderly parents WANT to move in with their grown kids. I know that none of the elderly parents in either my family or my husband's family want to move in with any of their kids, even if they are extremely feeble and sick. This is why planning for retirement is so important.

Another issue is dementia. Unless you have dealt with an older person with Alzheimers, you probably don't know how demanding this is - and what havoc it can create in your household.

Back in the day, people didn't live all that long past retirement. Now people may have twenty or more years after retirement. This really changes the picture - for everyone.

[Roaddog]

Well first off I have no clue about the white thing but a nursing home is used because they need 24 hour care and many people don't have the ability to do this. I don't know many people who have put their parents in a nursing home just to get rid of them, most I've known have only done it out of necessity. it's a terrible thing to have to do.

[afoigrokerkok]

Originally Posted by FKD19124

you forgot nurses aides who don't give a crap about the patients except for their paycheck and who steal and abuse the patients.

Yes. This is sadly very common. My grandmother, who was in a nursing home for several years before she passed away, was stolen from (presumably by the staff).

As I said before, Ill do everything possible to keep my parents out of one of these hellholes. However, in most cases it's one of many horrible options.

[Huckleberry3911948]

somebody has to work to support the 54% that dont.

[afoigrokerkok]

Originally Posted by Roaddog

Well first off I have no clue about the white thing but a nursing home is used because they need 24 hour care and many people don't have the ability to do this. I don't know many people who have put their parents in a nursing home just to get rid of them, most I've known have only done it out of necessity. it's a terrible thing to have to do.

Plenty of people do. Whenever I would go visit my grandmother at her nursing home, it was typically a Sunday afternoon and there was frequently no one visiting any of the other residents. This was not a small facility; it had probably 100 residents.

[afoigrokerkok]

Originally Posted by FKD19124

Of all the nursing homes I have been into, 99% of the patients are white.

Originally Posted by KathrynAragon

My parents voluntarily live in a retirement community. They do NOT want to be dependent upon their children, and they greatly value their own independence. Even though my mother has had a stroke and is considerably weaker than my dad, and can't drive, she has made it clear that if he passes before she does, she wants to live on her own as long as possible - and she and my dad have saved all their lives in order to be as independent as possible well into old age.

I don't believe there were any non-white patients in my grandmother's nursing home.

I think it has to do with our American culture (and non-white Americans perhaps being a bit less likely to share this culture) of independence as you, Kathryn, mentioned. It's a great value and it is part of what's made our country strong. However, I think there are some big negatives to it as well.

I should also point out that a retirement community is VERY different from a nursing home.

Originally Posted by KathrynAragon

Another issue is dementia. Unless you have dealt with an older person with Alzheimers, you probably don't know how demanding this is - and what havoc it can create in your household.

Yes. At best dealing with someone with Alzheimer's will drive you crazy. At worst those with Alzheimer's can be physically violent. It's heartbreaking to see Alzheimer's tear apart the brain of someone you love.

[california-jewel]

Again this is a very ignorant vile post, and some one not thinking would post this crap. My sister inlaw again works at one of our major hospitals has been a nurse for 25 years.

She says by this time most people put their parent or loved one in a nursing home is because they no longer can get the help they need at home, there condition has worsen to the point, they need to be medicated and treated by a professional. Sorry but there are many nursing homes out there, like a home setting, I have been to some. Nurses staff and Doctors are outstanding. Check them out, like Hospitals not all nursing homes are created equal.

That's funny because she told me the majority of people she sees in nursing homes are of Asian and hispanic decent and blacks and whites almost equal. What difference does that make.

Again poster, if your parents heart stopped beating in the middle of the nite, don't even tell me me you would know what to do, because you would be lying if you said you did. You have no equipment at home, to see that the heart would again start pumping. A Doctor or nurse, would then be watching your parent all nite. Or tell me how if one of your parents or loved one had a stroke, how you would know what to do. I won't believe you if you tell me you would know what to do.

Has to do with the severity of the illness and most elderly people I do know Aunts included, don't want to live with their children. Think this is not a race issue as you want to make this out to be. I will put you in touch with my sister inlaw, a fine capable outstanding nurse.