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So its OK to e mail, phone up get to know an American girl but as soon as it crosses a boundary you dont agree with its suddenly stigmitized, sterotyped and out of had deemed unseemly whoring and prositution.
Its a small world and getting smaller with the technology im communicating on right now I can type talk send videos money and from where im sitting I can be on a plane and off to anywhere on the planet in an hour. If I use all this advanced tech to broaden my horizons what business is it of yours
I'm not trying to attack you. What I'm saying, and what I've continued to say, is that you don't really know someone unless you spend considerable face time with them, get to know their friends, and get to know their family. You see how they live--the good, bad and ugly--and where they've come from. You learn a lot about a person from going through all types of experiences with them, good and bad. That's how people in healthy relationships decide on a spouse--is this someone that I'm compatible with who I want to spend my life with? Do we have the same life goals? Do we bring compatible things to the table? Love is a big part of it, but you have to have more than attraction to make a marriage work.
You can talk all you want on the phone or online, but what you get from that is the image that you each present, and not who you really are. If you throw language and cultural difference into the mix, it becomes even more difficult. If you meet someone online here in the US, it's just as an introduction. You don't "date" them online. You go out like normal couples and get to know each other. You see what each others lives are like.
If you marry someone that you've only seen a total of a few weeks to a few months in "face" time, and you have language and cultural barriers on top of it, you don't know them all that well. If you throw big age and attractiveness gaps into the mix, you have to wonder what you have in common. If a woman is willing to marry you under those circumstances, you have to ask why, and you have to be realistic about it. If it worked out for you--great. It usually doesn't.
I met my wife through her sister (married to a Canadien) and then we started e mailing and talking on the phone. What difference does it make how a man meets a woman. No one ever seems to have a problem with men meeting American women online but as soon as he crosses some arbitrary geo/political border its all of a suddden stigmitized, sterotyped and and all the good ole tolerant liberal types turn into viscious hypocrites
I love this isssue
I think your case is WAY different. The standard of living of your wife was similar to yours.
I'm not trying to attack you. What I'm saying, and what I've continued to say, is that you don't really know someone unless you spend considerable face time with them, get to know their friends, and get to know their family. You see how they live--the good, bad and ugly--and where they've come from. You learn a lot about a person from going through all types of experiences with them, good and bad. That's how people in healthy relationships decide on a spouse--is this someone that I'm compatible with who I want to spend my life with? Do we have the same life goals? Do we bring compatible things to the table? Love is a big part of it, but you have to have more than attraction to make a marriage work.
You can talk all you want on the phone or online, but what you get from that is the image that you each present, and not who you really are. If you throw language and cultural difference into the mix, it becomes even more difficult. If you meet someone online here in the US, it's just as an introduction. You don't "date" them online. You go out like normal couples and get to know each other. You see what each others lives are like.
If you marry someone that you've only seen a total of a few weeks to a few months in "face" time, and you have language and cultural barriers on top of it, you don't know them all that well. If you throw big age and attractiveness gaps into the mix, you have to wonder what you have in common. If a woman is willing to marry you under those circumstances, you have to ask why, and you have to be realistic about it. If it worked out for you--great. It usually doesn't.
This is totally totally true. Which is why many people who date online, such as myself, rarely get past the first or second date because once you meet someone in person it's a whole different thing than emailing, testing or phoning. A whole different thing.
Do you impose this same view on white males marrying US born Asian girls?
Why would you? If someone is culturally American, they speak fluent English, and you actually date them in real life and get to know them, that's a normal relationship.
You might want to go back and do a little prerusal of the thread and note the insulting, degrading racist sterotyping that has been directed at people who have chosen a women of different race for a lifetime partner. Or did you just scroll on by all that and respond with vias and hatred because you were having so much fun
Quote:
Originally Posted by northnut
LOL, who said you did? I said your attitude stinks, all you have done is insult american women so really, do not be surprised if those women dont welcome you with open arms on this topic.
You might want to go back and do a little prerusal of the thread and note the insulting, degrading racist sterotyping that has been directed at people who have chosen a women of different race for a lifetime partner. Or did you just scroll on by all that and respond with vias and hatred because you were having so much fun
I mean lets get something clear:
All thing being equal, why are these men looking for POOR women on a third world country? If they are attractive why cant they have these young wives here? It is all about LOVE right?
So a man having a preference for US born Asians doesn't illicit an immediate judgement on the nature of the relationship....in you opinion?
I see why you're asking. Well, I suppose it could. The documentary objects to an American male fetish about women who look far eastern.
There are two separate yet overlapping problems being discussed here. One, that of mail order brides, whereby American males order a bride from another country for myriad reasons (one of which is that they think the bride will be submissive). The other (and I think maybe is the one posed by the maker of the documentary?), which is that American males are under the mistaken belief that women who look far eastern are submissive or subservient.
My background is Spanish, with 4 grandparents born in Spain, so I don't look far eastern. However, there is a certain je ne sais quoi about the way Spanish-speaking women are treated as well, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I think there are far too many stereotypes in the U.S. about women of non-Anglo cultures. However, I don't presume to speak for women who look far eastern but are American. I can easily believe that they go through a lot of sh*t because of the stereotype about women who look that way are submissive.
It's not pleasant to be stereotyped. Seldom have I had to contend with men stereotyping me as being submissive if they know me, because I make it quite clear submissive is not a word that corresponds to my personality. However, if I am quiet, I perhaps could be seen that way because I'm a small sized woman. I would prefer not to think so, as I think being seen as submissive and subservient is abhorrent.
You might want to go back and do a little prerusal of the thread and note the insulting, degrading racist sterotyping that has been directed at people who have chosen a women of different race for a lifetime partner. Or did you just scroll on by all that and respond with vias and hatred because you were having so much fun
I haven't responded to you at all with hatred, lol.
OK now you are making a little sense. And to an extent I agree. But this is still your opinion biased by your culture values etc... many cultures have arranged marriages and the success of these relationships blows the western divorce rate away (probably not a good comparison but its all we have). The last relationship I had with an American women she moved into my house the next day, we lasted 5 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by mb1547
I'm not trying to attack you. What I'm saying, and what I've continued to say, is that you don't really know someone unless you spend considerable face time with them, get to know their friends, and get to know their family. You see how they live--the good, bad and ugly--and where they've come from. You learn a lot about a person from going through all types of experiences with them, good and bad. That's how people in healthy relationships decide on a spouse--is this someone that I'm compatible with who I want to spend my life with? Do we have the same life goals? Do we bring compatible things to the table? Love is a big part of it, but you have to have more than attraction to make a marriage work.
You can talk all you want on the phone or online, but what you get from that is the image that you each present, and not who you really are. If you throw language and cultural difference into the mix, it becomes even more difficult. If you meet someone online here in the US, it's just as an introduction. You don't "date" them online. You go out like normal couples and get to know each other. You see what each others lives are like.
If you marry someone that you've only seen a total of a few weeks to a few months in "face" time, and you have language and cultural barriers on top of it, you don't know them all that well. If you throw big age and attractiveness gaps into the mix, you have to wonder what you have in common. If a woman is willing to marry you under those circumstances, you have to ask why, and you have to be realistic about it. If it worked out for you--great. It usually doesn't.
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