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Well maybe because I've been the ears for the multitude (and I mean multitude) of men who went through marriage and divorce hell over the years which makes me qualified enough to comment imo.
I've heard enough for 2 lifetimes.
You have to understand that there's people here that have witnessed more than once others close to them who have gone through the ringer, so hence they'll have something to state.
That's fine. I've heard enough for 2 lifetimes, too.
What irritates me is people spouting off opinions based on a whole lot of speculation, conjecture, anger, or sexism when they have barely managed a long-term relationship, if at all, never mind marriage. I get the sense that more than a few of the guys here who natter on about "I'll never marry" or "marriage is bad for men" have little to no experience with women themselves beyond perhaps meaningless hook-ups with drunks in clubs, and wouldn't know what love was if it came up to them and slapped the taste out of their mouths. It just sounds like overcompensation for a whole lot of fear, or maybe sour grapes.
The not cohabiting part is especially important in Colorado. On top of everything else, Colorado has the most lenient common-law statutes in the world. If you live together, share expenses, and can get ONE person to testify they heard you say you were married, you are now retroactively married in Colorado. That is an important point. You are RETROACTIVELY married back to whenever the person testifying claims they heard you say you were married. Of course, this means you are instantly on the hook to pay alimony. I posted a link earlier about such a situation.
Another incredible fact, this about child support in Colorado: lets say you have sex with a woman one night, and never see her again. Now, 25 years later, you get a summons to appear in court on a child support case. You never knew there was a child, and never saw the woman again after the one night stand.
The ADULT CHILD has the right to collect back child support back to the day of birth, with 8% compound interest added on from the day of birth. You now are instantly in debt for $100,000's, and the interest continues accruing at 8% on all back child support. Your payments are now over $1000 a month, just to pay the interest, and you will NEVER put a dent in the actual amount. You will pay child support until you die.
I know a woman who has been married to a guy for 12 years who found out two years ago that he had a child by a one night stand 21 years ago. They now are paying $1200 a month just on the interest on the child support. His wages are being garnished for the $1200 a month.
She is divorcing him over this.
Again, he *never* knew there was a child, and never had an opportunity to be in the child's life.
Colorado, Colorado, Colorado. Why don't you take this to the Colorado forum? There are 49 other states in the Union.
Seriously. Have you ever considered that you have hijacked your own thread? You started with an interesting little piece in TIME and have managed to turn the thread into a dissertation and diatribe for all that you feel is wrong with your own state. It's enough to make me wonder if maybe there shouldn't be some kind of sub-forum in Personal Finance or Great Debates about this, because when you get right down to it, the topic really doesn't have a whole lot to do with human relationships but for those who want to use it as an excuse to bash marriage. At the very least, maybe there should be a subforum specifically for divorce, both to ask questions and to get emotional support.
For now, though, you've pretty much trashed your own thread. I know I certainly don't give a rat's arse about divorce laws in Colorado. After all, the universe revolves around New York.
Colorado, Colorado, Colorado. Why don't you take this to the Colorado forum? There are 49 other states in the Union.
Seriously. Have you ever considered that you have hijacked your own thread? You started with an interesting little piece in TIME and have managed to turn the thread into a dissertation and diatribe for all that you feel is wrong with your own state. It's enough to make me wonder if maybe there shouldn't be some kind of sub-forum in Personal Finance or Great Debates about this, because when you get right down to it, the topic really doesn't have a whole lot to do with human relationships but for those who want to use it as an excuse to bash marriage. At the very least, maybe there should be a subforum specifically for divorce, both to ask questions and to get emotional support.
For now, though, you've pretty much trashed your own thread. I know I certainly don't give a rat's arse about divorce laws in Colorado. After all, the universe revolves around New York.
The new Colorado alimony laws have huge implications for the rest of the country. After over 20 years of laws being modified making alimony more reasonable and sane in other states, the Democrats decided to make Colorado the state where the reversal begins. They are doing the same thing with gun control.
Maybe New York is next. The New York alimony laws have been in flux for a few years. I'm sure the Democrats, NOW and the New York Bar are jealous of Colorado's "success."
The new Colorado alimony laws have huge implications for the rest of the country. After over 20 years of laws being modified making alimony more reasonable and sane in other states, the Democrats decided to make Colorado the state where the reversal begins. They are doing the same thing with gun control.
Maybe New York is next. The New York alimony laws have been in flux for a few years. I'm sure the Democrats, NOW and the New York Bar are jealous of Colorado's "success."
Beats me. I doubt I will ever remarry. Also, as I noted in my agreement with Djuna, I have no problem with alimony reform.
But I do have a problem with people misrepresenting how common it is for people to get alimony in the first place, presenting examples so extreme as to make the news as though those examples represent the average experience with alimony, and trying to use their exaggerations to foment fear and hatred of women, relationships, and marriage.
Which is what I sense has been done time and time again in this thread.
Hon, we're attached by a line but newsflash: we're different countries.
and yet another
I think we've just debunked another myth: "People overseas are just soooooooooo much more globally aware than the U.S.!" Although I dare say I'm hoping Camlon is the exception.
I'm guessing Polish laws and German laws as well as statistics are basically the same. I mean just look at an atlas. They touch each other.
What a dumb post. First off you showed that you were clueless about Europe, as Germany and Poland have very different traditions. US and Canada does not. But, if you are asking if Swedish statistics are quite similar to Norwegian statistics. Yes they are. In fact in this area you are likely to find the same trend in Poland.
So you may be different countries, but you are not totally different people no matter how much you hate Canada. If Canadians overwhelmingly divorce early, then Americans do the same. If you believe that is wrong, post a source
Why do you think I used Canadian statistics in the first place.
What a dumb post. First off you showed that you were clueless about Europe, as Germany and Poland have very different traditions. US and Canada does not. But, if you are asking if Swedish statistics are quite similar to Norwegian statistics. Yes they are.
So you may be different countries, but you are not totally different people no matter how much you hate Canada. If Canadians overwhelmingly divorce early, then Americans do the same. If you believe that is wrong, post a source
Why do you think I used Canadian statistics in the first place.
Man, here I was thinking Norwegians were cool and stuff. Thanks for ruining that image for me
The not cohabiting part is especially important in Colorado. On top of everything else, Colorado has the most lenient common-law statutes in the world. If you live together, share expenses, and can get ONE person to testify they heard you say you were married, you are now retroactively married in Colorado. That is an important point. You are RETROACTIVELY married back to whenever the person testifying claims they heard you say you were married. Of course, this means you are instantly on the hook to pay alimony. I posted a link earlier about such a situation.
Another incredible fact, this about child support in Colorado: lets say you have sex with a woman one night, and never see her again. Now, 25 years later, you get a summons to appear in court on a child support case. You never knew there was a child, and never saw the woman again after the one night stand.
The ADULT CHILD has the right to collect back child support back to the day of birth, with 8% compound interest added on from the day of birth. You now are instantly in debt for $100,000's, and the interest continues accruing at 8% on all back child support. Your payments are now over $1000 a month, just to pay the interest, and you will NEVER put a dent in the actual amount. You will pay child support until you die.
I know a woman who has been married to a guy for 12 years who found out two years ago that he had a child by a one night stand 21 years ago. They now are paying $1200 a month just on the interest on the child support. His wages are being garnished for the $1200 a month.
She is divorcing him over this.
Again, he *never* knew there was a child, and never had an opportunity to be in the child's life.
To be honest I have little sympathy for men like this. I suspect in many cases the guy knew but didn't care. In other cases it should be a lesson not to sleep around.
Beats me. I doubt I will ever remarry. Also, as I noted in my agreement with Djuna, I have no problem with alimony reform.
But I do have a problem with people misrepresenting how common it is for people to get alimony in the first place, presenting examples so extreme as to make the news as though those examples represent the average experience with alimony, and trying to use their exaggerations to foment fear and hatred of women, relationships, and marriage.
Which is what I sense has been done time and time again in this thread.
Again, you are completely clueless about the reality of divorce in a state with alimony.
The vast majority of divorces where one spouse or the other would get alimony do *not* end up with *monthly* alimony being paid. Monthly alimony is so onerous that the person paying will do almost anything to get out of it. If the person receiving alimony wants to remarry at some point (or cohabit in some states) they don't want monthly alimony, either. So, the parties negotiate a property settlement instead of alimony.
If someone gets an extra $200,000 in cash or property in a divorce settlement instead of getting monthly alimony, NO STATISTICS say that alimony was paid, but it most certainly was, in the form of a lump sum settlement. Nearly every divorce in Colorado has an alimony negotiation.
Since you are a woman, let me assure you that women in Colorado get screwed by the alimony statutes quite often here, even though they almost never actually pay monthly alimony. They end up being very, very bitter when, as one of my co-workers has experienced, the ex has the cash to buy a brand new house while she was saddled with $100,000 in marital debt and has to have a roommate to even be able to rent a house rather than an apartment. Women take paying alimony much worse than most men, even if it is a lump sum settlement. Ask any divorce lawyer and they will tell you this. I know two women currently paying monthly alimony and about a dozen who had to pay a lump sum, and not a single one is looking to ever remarry.
People are not stupid, especially now that the internet can illustrate realities that previously were just whispered rumors. People in this state know the laws are whacked, and in response, the rate of marriage among actual Colorado residents is in the bottom five of all states. The stats show Colorado being in the low middle for rate of marriage per capita, but the number is skewed by destination weddings in the mountains, just as Hawaii and Nevada's numbers are skewed. The rate of second marriages is even lower. I don't have a single acquaintance who has entered a second marriage in the past 10 years. Everyone just lives alone, or *carefully* lives together with a cohabitation document. Marriage is dead in Colorado, and the divorce laws killed it.
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