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I know. Child support amounts are tiny if the father is not rich. I have no problems with child support. What I don't like is the unfairness of custody. If custody was more fair, then I think child support could be increased.
You mean decreased. If a kid spends more time with the paying parent, that parent is going to incur more expenses to do things for and with the kid while the kid is actually there with him/her, thus decreasing the custodial parent's financial burden in day-to-day spending. In other words, the more time the kid spends with you, the more expensive it is for you and the less expensive it is for the other parent.
The problem is getting fathers to want to spend more time with their kids. You, living in your Norwegian wonderland of socialist perfection and divine sexual progressiveness and equality, do not appear to have the faintest grasp of one of America's most despicable societal ills, and that is fathers who abandon their children. Several of my friends have practically had to force their exes to see their own kids. One friend's ex-husband just stopped paying child support (no, she does not get alimony), and then stopped seeing his daughter. Just waltzed away on the poor kid.
I want shared custody to be more normal and easy to get. Shared custody has been documented to be the best for the kids if the parents cooperate. I believe the parent who chooses not to cooperate should be given primary custody of the children in most of the cases.
I also want courts to enforce court order regarding visitation.
Aiming for primary custody can only be done if there is something wrong with the mother. Hence, a lot of people don't try if they have no reason to.
So are you going to encourage the male gender to pursue equal custody more often?
Your last sentence isn't always true. The guy that can make a strong case for his positive involvement in the kids' lives prior to divorce has a much better chance at custody than a dad who wasn't involved.
Nope, I mean increased. I believe if custody agreements were more fair, then we can also increase child support contributions because leaving your child was a choice you did.
Of course the people who share custody will have lower payments, but that is already the case today.
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The problem is getting fathers to want to spend more time with their kids. You, living in your Norwegian wonderland of socialist perfection and divine sexual progressiveness and equality, do not appear to have the faintest grasp of one of America's most despicable societal ills, and that is fathers who abandon their children. Several of my friends have practically had to force their exes to see their own kids. One friend's ex-husband just stopped paying child support (no, she does not get alimony), and then stopped seeing his daughter. Just waltzed away on the poor kid.
And that's why I think child support should be increased if custody becomes more fair. Hence the people who abandon their children needs to pay more of the expenses.
I think it is despicable that fathers will leave their children, but I also think it is despicable that some mothers refuse to let their father see their children. And the courts do not enforce it.
Maybe some people abandon their children, because they are unable to spend any time with them. They end up feeling alienated to their own children. Eventually you get get a job offer somewhere else, and you can just as well go.
So are you going to encourage the male gender to pursue equal custody more often?
Not really. I just want shared custody to be easier. We are not perfect in Norway. There is still some bias left.
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Your last sentence isn't always true. The guy that can make a strong case for his positive involvement in the kids' lives prior to divorce has a much better chance at custody than a dad who wasn't involved
True, but American courts normally don't like the idea of taking the children away from the mother. And I don't like it either.
I believe children grow up the best with a father and a mother, meaning shared custody is the best. But they got to cooperate.
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"Robert Bauserman, PhD, of the Baltimore Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, reviewed 33 studies that examined 1,846 sole-custody and 814 joint-custody children. Both groups of children were compared with a sample of 251 kids in intact families. Bauserman found that children in joint-custody arrangements had fewer behavioral and emotional problems, higher self-esteem and better family relationships and school performance compared with those in sole-custody situations. And he found no significant difference in adjustment among children in shared custody and those living in intact family situations. Joint-custody children probably fare better, according to Bauserman, because they have ongoing contact with both parents."
Nope, I mean increased. I believe if custody agreements were more fair, then we can also increase child support contributions because leaving your child was a choice you did.
And that's why I think child support should be increased if custody becomes more fair. Hence the people who abandon their children needs to pay more of the expenses.
I think it is despicable that fathers will leave their children, but I also think it is despicable that some mothers refuse to let their father see their children. And the courts do not enforce it.
Maybe some people abandon their children, because they are unable to spend any time with them. They end up feeling alienated to their own children. Eventually you get get a job offer somewhere else, and you can just as well go.
If a man is paying $200 a week in child support and sees his kid 1 day a week, you think he should pay more when his child is with him 3 days a week? That makes no sense.
Are there women who will not let their exes see their kids? Sure.
But you know what else happens? Men stop seeing their kids and stop paying child support to spite their ex-wives. They think their ex-wives are living high on the hog on the child support money (which is rare). Or sometimes they just can't stand the thought that they have to write a check to their exes, because doing so enables their exes to put a decent roof over their kid's head that their ex gets to sleep under, too. They don't understand that no matter what else happens, the woman they are paying is the mother of their children. They get so hung up on the "ex-wife" part of it and their anger toward her over the divorce that they would rather deprive their children if it means making life more difficult for her. They'd see their kids live in squalor just to see their ex live in squalor. It's short-sighted vindictiveness at its finest, and I've seen it quite a few times.
If a man is paying $200 a week in child support and sees his kid 1 day a week, you think he should pay more when his child is with him 3 days a week? That makes no sense.
No no, I believe the man who sees his child 1 day a week should pay more than today, if custody agreements become more fair.
Of course the people who share custody shouldn't pay more.
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But you know what else happens? Men stop seeing their kids and stop paying child support to spite their ex-wives. They think their ex-wives are living high on the hog on the child support money (which is rare). Or sometimes they just can't stand the thought that they have to write a check to their exes, because doing so enables their exes to put a decent roof over their kid's head that their ex actually gets to sleep under, too. They don't understand that no matter what else happens, the woman they are paying is the mother of their children. They get so hung up on the "ex-wife" part of it and their anger toward her over the divorce that they would rather deprive their children if it means making life more difficult for her. They'd see their kids live in squalor just to see their ex live in squalor. It's short-sighted vindictiveness at its finest, and I've seen it quite a few times.
I too want more shared custody but more than that I want to see more couples working it out for the kids. I understand in some instances divorce is needed but most divorces I know that involved children were just ridiculous. If more people worked through the problems we would see less of this but divorce has become as easy as "I'm bored of marriage I'll just get divorced".
I agree all parties should cooperate. How do you mandate involvement though, if one party doesn't wish to be involved..
You do what my friend did: You tell them that if they are not going to see their children and they are not going to pay their child support, your attorney will contact them about terminating their parental rights. The point is that if they walk away, they don't get to come back in a year, 5 years, 10 years, and mess with the kid's mind. If they walk, they are gone for good.
Which brings up another point, actually. When kids grow up, and they find out that their fathers fought supporting them, didn't want to see them, and sought to make their mother's life difficult, they will come to hate their father. I've seen it happen several times. Adult children eventually see what kind of people their parents are, and one day they render judgment. My sister went out of her way never to speak ill of her ex to their children. Even if she were inclined to do so, my parents would have had a few words with her about it. And she didn't have to, anyway. My niece and nephew figured out what kind of man he is with no help from her.
No no, I believe the man who sees his child 1 day a week should pay more than today, if custody agreements become more fair.
Of course the people who share custody shouldn't pay more.
I agree
Okay, you are using the term "custody" to mean "child support."
"Custody" is actually having the child in your care. A custody agreement details when each parent will have custody of the child.
"Child support" is what one parent pays the other to support the child.
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