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I think that if it wasn't for family members & others in society's (possible) negative feelings, opinions & comments, that more white men would date/marry black women. But because white men don't want to look "bad" in the eyes of their parents, other relatives, maybe coworkers, & strangers in society, meaning being stared at, talked about behind their back, thought of in a different light, possibly have biracial children, etc., they tend to stay away & not date/marry black women.
Many parents today still are willing to disown their kids if they date/marry the "wrong" race person, which is a real shame! TONS & TONS of black men date/marry white women, so why not a lot more white male/black female relationships?
And please, no one say anything to cause this thread to be closed. (And please, no one think I'm trying to be racist...I'm a biracial person myself.)
I know in my situation, my husband's father and grandfather did not believe in interracial dating and he was told as a child, he'd be disowned if he married outside his race.
During his 20's, he ignored that and did begin dating black women. His father did not approve and it created great distance between the two of them. In fact, when I met him, he hadn't spoken to his father in years.
Assuming that his father would stop speaking to him completely, he decided to not tell his father about me until he was ready to propose. To his surprise, father was long past that and just missed his son. He no longer cared and just want him to be happy. His grandfather has long since passed many years prior.
My father-in-law has been nothing but loving, warm, welcoming and accepting of our marriage and I just feel happy and blessed that things worked out.
If I loved a woman who happened to be biracial or of color, it wouldn't matter to me at all what anyone else thought about it, and regardless of whether they were my immediate family such as mother, father, etc. I would be with and/or marry that person regardless. The disapproving person(s) would really be the only part(ies) missing out on knowing more about what's going on in my life and with the woman I would be together with...so it's no skin off of my back, and again I would really care less if anyone disapproved of it. All human beings and all colors are created equal, after all
I'm sure there are some white men out there who won't marry interracially for fear of social pressure or how their family would react. But would you really want a man who doesn't have the balls to stand up and fight for the woman he loves, regardless of her race?
I know in my situation, my husband's father and grandfather did not believe in interracial dating and he was told as a child, he'd be disowned if he married outside his race.
During his 20's, he ignored that and did begin dating black women. His father did not approve and it created great distance between the two of them. In fact, when I met him, he hadn't spoken to his father in years.
Assuming that his father would stop speaking to him completely, he decided to not tell his father about me until he was ready to propose. To his surprise, father was long past that and just missed his son. He no longer cared and just want him to be happy. His grandfather has long since passed many years prior.
My father-in-law has been nothing but loving, warm, welcoming and accepting of our marriage and I just feel happy and blessed that things worked out.
Awesome! Just awesome!
Quote:
But would you really want a man who doesn't have the balls to stand up and fight for the woman he loves, regardless of her race?
Agreed, but it's not quite that simple. I wonder how many people never even get to the "love" stage because of biases put on them by society (some that they may not even realize are influencing them). I would like to think that I'm in the same camp as Coolhand, but it's really hard to KNOW that until you've been there.
FWIW, my family would love and support anyone that they knew made me happy and treated me well. I could come home with a same-sex, different race, different religion partner. My mom would be fine from the get-go. My dad would squirm a little bit, but eventually his wish for my happiness would win out (I think)....
I'm sure there are some white men out there who won't marry interracially for fear of social pressure or how their family would react. But would you really want a man who doesn't have the balls to stand up and fight for the woman he loves, regardless of her race?
Exactly.
I'd like to add that I think there is less and less "fear of social pressure" not to date inter-racially with every decade that goes by. It's not nearly the issue it was just 25 years ago.
I'm a white guy whose parents and family wouldn't care the race of the woman I married. (Or if any of them did, they'd at least be smart enough not to say so.) I've dated women of several races, and there are a few interracial married couples in my family. They're extremely common in my racially diverse neighborhood in Chicago, too.
In my opinion, the potential difficulties of interracial marriage would come in the form of cultural differences that need to be worked out, not the skin color itself. And of course, people of the same skin color can have culture clashes in their relationships, too.
I never thought that black women dating non black men was very unusual growing up because in my own family, the interracial couples were my aunt who was married to a white man on marriages 2 and 3 (her kids are not biracial). And her daughter married a Puerto Rican guy. Way later I met a cousin where dad was black and mom was Japanese.
Only when I had more exposure to pop culture did I "see" this wasn't as common.
Where I live in CA, interracial couples are very very common. Many black men "date out" a d almost as many women do as well. I probably see half as many black female/non-black male couples as I see the reverse. And it occurs across all the age ranges. Lots of biracial kids too.
My parents made it clear in actions and words that race was irrelevant for all types of relationships. My parents had diverse friends and they were all regulars at family occasions parties and outings and the same was true in the reverse, we were always welcome.
Date who you want. We are not in the relationship utopia yet where race doesn't matter. But if your family can't see suitability beyond race I guess you have to choose what to sacrifice. It is difficult because there are still many families that have issues and a racial preference hierarchy.
I remember being a kid and my dad making it known to me that I shouldn't bring home a black girl. It just so happens growing up I never met a black girl that I clicked with. I went to high school that was pretty racially diverse, even 25 yrs ago.
I think if I did bring one home, he' probably would have accepted it once he knew her. We actually have a fairly diverse family line. His sister married a guy from Thailand and other cousins married blacks, so the family gathering isn't all that lily white anyways, that's what I meant in terms of he'd probably would accept it.
I don't really give a **** to be honest if he did or didn't......
In terms of my personal choice, I wouldn't let my friends or my peer group dictate how I chose to date women.
It just so happens that I prefer white or hispanic women so it was never an issue. If I had met a black woman I connected with, we'd just do our thing. I sometimes think black guys would get more pissy about it than my friends, as I've over heard black men getting upset with it.... but, whatever.....
Black guys have been dating white women for a long long time as opposed to the other way, so I figure if a black woman wants to date interracially, but all means she should do it... lord knows the guys have been for a long time. I also think that there is more pressure in the black community for black women to be "loyal" but the guys get free reign.... sound like BS to me....
If you're a professional or under 50 and not trash, then it's just not an issue.
I'd say that sums it up. Well said.
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