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Old 12-13-2013, 04:26 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,068,861 times
Reputation: 22694

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ambient View Post
So, in this season of War on Christmas, let's recap what Jesus stood for...

1. He loved wealth and regarded poor people or anyone unable to provide for themselves as leeches who should either get with the program or die. He wouldn't be out there GIVING them stuff, like that misguided liberal hippie, Mother Teresa. He'd get out and yell at them, "you lazy bums! Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps and quit being big government moochers!"

2. He wanted everyone to be armed and ready to drop a can of whoop-ass in case the Feds came or the race war started. If he was here today, he would be brandishing his Bushmaster and screaming, "From my cold, dead hands!" Those children that came to him would have received beginner handguns and aiming lessons. His motto was, "don't retreat, reload!"

3. He regarded foreigners and other races with great suspicion.

4. He was a staunch supporter of the death penalty.

5. Even though he spent his whole life in the Middle East, he was White and looked like us - DUH. OBVIOUSLY. We're the Chosen People, after all.


Didn't you know? Isn't it AMAZING how much Jesus and God stands for modern conservative principles!


It's just too bad that we are now straying into the path of sin where we have people claiming Jesus wasn't a white capitalist like us (WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME). And we even have a pope who - ***GASP*** - says that we should actually help the poor and vulnerable and not idolize wealth! Who IS this evil heretic! Didn't he ever crack open a bible??
works for me.

20yrsinBranson

 
Old 12-13-2013, 04:26 PM
 
26,969 posts, read 15,187,034 times
Reputation: 11959
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambient View Post
So, in this season of War on Christmas, let's recap what Jesus stood for...

1. He loved wealth and regarded poor people or anyone unable to provide for themselves as leeches who should either get with the program or die. He wouldn't be out there GIVING them stuff, like that misguided liberal hippie, Mother Teresa. He'd get out and yell at them, "you lazy bums! Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps and quit being big government moochers!"

2. He wanted everyone to be armed and ready to drop a can of whoop-ass in case the Feds came or the race war started. If he was here today, he would be brandishing his Bushmaster and screaming, "From my cold, dead hands!" Those children that came to him would have received beginner handguns and aiming lessons. His motto was, "don't retreat, reload!"

3. He regarded foreigners and other races with great suspicion.

4. He was a staunch supporter of the death penalty.

5. Even though he spent his whole life in the Middle East, he was White and looked like us - DUH. OBVIOUSLY. We're the Chosen People, after all.


Didn't you know? Isn't it AMAZING how much Jesus and God stands for modern conservative principles!


It's just too bad that we are now straying into the path of sin where we have people claiming Jesus wasn't a white capitalist like us (WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME). And we even have a pope who - ***GASP*** - says that we should actually help the poor and vulnerable and not idolize wealth! Who IS this evil heretic! Didn't he ever crack open a bible??





Boy, what artistic license you have taken here.
 
Old 12-13-2013, 04:33 PM
 
9,659 posts, read 10,210,539 times
Reputation: 3225
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuebald View Post
To top it off, Jesus was homeless and ran around with a gang in the poorest sections of town. He had a trade, but didn't work at it once he grew up and left home.

If He had applied himself he might have been able to get off the streets.
Hell, even Noah was a better carpenter than Jesus.
 
Old 12-13-2013, 05:06 PM
 
46,217 posts, read 26,980,998 times
Reputation: 11091
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambient View Post
Read just about any forum thread and make note of what the usual crowd of self-professed bible thumper conservatives are saying.
So, you cannot back up your OP...noted...
 
Old 12-13-2013, 05:09 PM
 
30,023 posts, read 18,596,563 times
Reputation: 20807
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambient View Post
So, in this season of War on Christmas, let's recap what Jesus stood for...

1. He loved wealth and regarded poor people or anyone unable to provide for themselves as leeches who should either get with the program or die. He wouldn't be out there GIVING them stuff, like that misguided liberal hippie, Mother Teresa. He'd get out and yell at them, "you lazy bums! Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps and quit being big government moochers!"

2. He wanted everyone to be armed and ready to drop a can of whoop-ass in case the Feds came or the race war started. If he was here today, he would be brandishing his Bushmaster and screaming, "From my cold, dead hands!" Those children that came to him would have received beginner handguns and aiming lessons. His motto was, "don't retreat, reload!"

3. He regarded foreigners and other races with great suspicion.

4. He was a staunch supporter of the death penalty.

5. Even though he spent his whole life in the Middle East, he was White and looked like us - DUH. OBVIOUSLY. We're the Chosen People, after all.


Didn't you know? Isn't it AMAZING how much Jesus and God stands for modern conservative principles!


It's just too bad that we are now straying into the path of sin where we have people claiming Jesus wasn't a white capitalist like us (WHAT?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME). And we even have a pope who - ***GASP*** - says that we should actually help the poor and vulnerable and not idolize wealth! Who IS this evil heretic! Didn't he ever crack open a bible??

Isn't it funny when liberal atheists presume to understand the Bible and the teachings of Christ?
 
Old 12-13-2013, 05:22 PM
 
Location: exit 0
5,307 posts, read 4,393,877 times
Reputation: 7033
This thread is both offensive and ridiculous, and to be honest I don't know if it's more offensive or more ridiculous.

Closed.
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