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Old 01-14-2008, 01:24 PM
 
3,555 posts, read 7,823,186 times
Reputation: 2346

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I'm going to change a few locations/surrounding points because I don't want to inadvertantly reveal the identity of the perpetrator and I know there are readers here who would probably recognize him.

On a group vacation I sharing a condo with 3 others, who I had not chosen to share with. Normally on this outing I share with 3 long (ish) term colleagues but business commitments prevented them from attending.

On the first evening one of the others (who is a long time member of the association) started referring to ALL Mexican Americans as F'ng Mexicans. I asked him not to use that phrase as I didn't like it, and there are a fair number of Mexican Americans in the organization, including one of the others sharing our condo.

He then proceeded to refer to anyone, from any country in the Middle East, (or the Indian sub-continent I guess as I'm sure he sees them the same way) as "Camel Jockeys". Again I asked him to refrain from such speech for the same reasons.

Then he began using the "N" word. I had the same response for him and ASKED him 3 times not to do so.

Of course he went into the "political correctness" argument, and the "do you think you're better?" argument. Along with every other rationalization that his type comes up with.

I pointed out that I had grown up hearing, and using, that word every day, but that I hoped that my 50 plus years had brought about some improvement in my attitude and behavior. He then brought up the "Rap stars use it" arguement, which led me to point out that I didn't have to listen to them, and besides, I can call MY kid ugly, YOU can't.

I told him that I turn off shows using any of those words and that I don't allow the use in my house. He said that the condo was his as well for the 4 days and he should be able to speak as he likes.

After several minutes of trying to reason (I know, it's like trying to teach a pig to dance) with him he brings out; "How about I just talk the way I want, and you just don't listen?"

That kind of did it for me and I offered an alternative solution; "how about instead, the next time I hear that word out of you I just beat you senseless."

I know resorting to violence (it didn't get past the promise) is admitting defeat but I couldn't help it.

I'm not looking for accolades for taking a stance. Just kind of venting and looking for a better way to handle this in future.

BTW, I had already asked the group leader and the condo association if I could change as I knew this guy was a bit of a J-hole as I had met him before.

One of the most disappointing things is knowing how this guy acts and talks, and his long association with our group, I find it all but impossible to believe that none of the current of former officers and board members has ever encountered his behavior.

golfgod
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Old 01-14-2008, 02:00 PM
 
8,289 posts, read 13,514,745 times
Reputation: 5018
golfgod ignoring him was the best you could have done. People who blindly stereotype other people are ignorant and not worth your time or aggravation.
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Old 01-14-2008, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
2,290 posts, read 5,528,578 times
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golfgod,

I, as a Black man only a few years younger than yourself, think you did the right thing. You let a racist person know that there are decent people of all stripes who are offended by racists and their behavior (and that they're not always in safe company).

Good on ya.
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Old 01-14-2008, 03:35 PM
 
10,545 posts, read 13,539,531 times
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I think calling attention to it and condemning it is the best that can be done in that situation. Hopefully the others involved thought he looked as bad as he did. You're unlikely to change him, but you can stay away from him as much as possible if he's that offensive.
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Old 01-14-2008, 03:43 PM
 
8,978 posts, read 16,510,850 times
Reputation: 3019
You did well, golfgod....let folks like this 'hang' themselves by their own silly behavior. Confronting him gives him a certain legitimacy and from there it's easy to slip into an argument--(which may be just what he wants)...

Some of these folks are pretty "quick on their feet", and can subvert an argument to their advantage. But even the WORST racist (or similar bully) can't deal with simply being ignored. It's their WORST NIGHTMARE---
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Old 01-14-2008, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Pa
20,300 posts, read 22,143,674 times
Reputation: 6549
Confronting him was the right thing to do. People like that tend to bring anyone down who is near them. Its embarrassing to be seen with such.
A good beating isn't always a bad thing.
My wife is Thai. I was at a party and someone was using the word slopes. It was at my cousins house and so I was reluctant to make a scene. But after about 5 times I finally asked him to watch his mouth I don't want my wife offended.
He basicly told me to bad this was america not china.
He got a good beating right there on the spot. And it felt good.
Trash is trash regardless of race or color. I didn't change him or his views. However, I may have taught him that some folks mean what they say . I meant that I didnt want my wife offended. He should have had a little class and observed a simple request in manners.
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Old 01-14-2008, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
2,290 posts, read 5,528,578 times
Reputation: 800
Good for you, tinman01. People who are racist often hope to be in an environment where people are either like-minded, or passive enough not to take exception. I happen to be Black and don't often hear such comments in mixed company (possibly because I'm of a somewhat muscular build and don't appear tolerant of that kinda language). But I've also had occasion to defend my wife (who's white) in the presence of Black people and acquaintences.

The best thing that can happen is for the bigot to know that they have very little in the way of safe harbor. And they'll never know it until an adult says so.
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Old 01-14-2008, 04:11 PM
 
10,545 posts, read 13,539,531 times
Reputation: 2823
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinman01 View Post
Confronting him was the right thing to do. People like that tend to bring anyone down who is near them. Its embarrassing to be seen with such.
A good beating isn't always a bad thing.
My wife is Thai. I was at a party and someone was using the word slopes. It was at my cousins house and so I was reluctant to make a scene. But after about 5 times I finally asked him to watch his mouth I don't want my wife offended.
He basicly told me to bad this was america not china.
He got a good beating right there on the spot. And it felt good.
Trash is trash regardless of race or color. I didn't change him or his views. However, I may have taught him that some folks mean what they say . I meant that I didnt want my wife offended. He should have had a little class and observed a simple request in manners.
I don't blame you. It sounds like he deserved it. I think that some people in our society are overly sensitive and get upset about nothing, but this is not an example of that. This is an example of the segment of society that does not care at all about decency and respect for others. Good lesson on manners and respecting other people!
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Old 01-14-2008, 04:28 PM
 
2,434 posts, read 6,660,291 times
Reputation: 1064
I think you could have handled it better. No offense intended, but IMHO when you threatened him with violence you did something far worse than anything he did.

Certainly there are certain words that are offensive and shouldn't be used, but they are only words. You put yourself in a position where you gave someone you don't like an incredible amount of power over you. You don't sound like the type of person that goes around making extremely violent threats. Yet you allowed this guy to push all your buttons, and most likely, ruined your whole holiday based on nothing more than a number of words that came out of his mouth.

Clearly what he was saying was wrong. But you can't allow other people, (especially people you don't like or even respect), to manipulate you like this.

Look at it this way, you're a decent person, and clearly what happened has bothered you somewhat. Which is probably why you started this thread. The other guy however, is probably sitting around his living room with like minded people laughing at how he ruined your weekend. When you lower yourself to this level you always lose and do more harm to yourself than the other guy could have ever done otherwise.

The best way to handle these type of people is to simply stay away from them. Don't associate with them, don't even speak to them unless absolutely necessary. Say hello and smile as you pass, be cordial. But keep your distance because these type of people thrive on creating conflict.

Next time be sure to spend your holiday time with people you enjoy being around.
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Old 01-14-2008, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Pa
20,300 posts, read 22,143,674 times
Reputation: 6549
Quote:
Originally Posted by backfist View Post
Good for you, tinman01. People who are racist often hope to be in an environment where people are either like-minded, or passive enough not to take exception. I happen to be Black and don't often hear such comments in mixed company (possibly because I'm of a somewhat muscular build and don't appear tolerant of that kinda language). But I've also had occasion to defend my wife (who's white) in the presence of Black people and acquaintences.

The best thing that can happen is for the bigot to know that they have very little in the way of safe harbor. And they'll never know it until an adult says so.
Well said backfist.. LOL I actually used a spinning backfist on the redneck.
I served in the navy. We can not choose who sleeps in the bunk above or below us. WE can't choose our coworkers, or who prepares our food. Not even the dentist. If anything the military demonstrates we are all equals, we are all human... I was in fact the only white guy on an all but 1 watch team... Guess what? I was nervous at first but within 5 minutes those guys had me relaxed and feeling like a part of their team. Lesson learned. Black guys are human just like me. They are not lazy due to race nor stupid. Best supervisor I ever had was a short Black guy funniest man I have ever met.
I am a conservetive, respect from me must be earned. But manners has nothing to do with respect and everything to do with being civil. To use a racist slander in the presence of one who is the target is rude. Racist are ignorant by choice. Most often they only understand brute force. Saddly they will never accept that their own mouth brought it on. I guess I was being Politically correct. LOL
Backfist I dont always agree with you but I just about always see your point.
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