I told a kid to get in shape. Was I wrong? (Iraq, Michigan)
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I'm anti-violence, but only to a point. I wished he jumped out of the chair and punched you in your face.
Totally classless to say that to a complete stranger, and a kid who probably is a little self conscience about his changing body.
Next time you make some snide comment about a complete strangers weight, I hope a group of people come around and beat your head in. That will teach you a lesson in our "marshmallow" society.
Maybe if you said , now you got to build up those muscles . I see you are a strong looking guy already. Add something positive so as not to make him feel out of shape. Chubby kids know they are chubby.. no one has to tell them. They need encouragement and a positive way in speaking as not to diminish their self esteem. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we need to help and encourage each other in a positive way.
I am sure you are a kind person, with great self esteem.. many kids crumble because they have not had much positive reinforcement in their lives.. we all have had a different path and can't see what that kid has been through.. he could have been picked on for being fat and it could be a very sensitive topic to him.
We don't know.. You wouldn't post this if you didn't care about it. That says a great deal about you and wonder if you were wrong or not.
I have said some things in my life without thinking .. and had to apologize for them . No one can say they never said something that didn't offend someone.
Thank You for a really good answer, took the words out of my mouth, I could not say in the way you did. As we all know, saying something positive to a person, is something people remember no matter who we are.
And we all need words of encouragement from time to time, or when we are in a place of weakness. What we do not understand is how important self esteem is, and to someone who are weak or vulnerable, they need words of encouragement, no matter how small the words seem. Many kids do have self esteem issues, because the positive encouragement and reinforcement in their lives, is something many never get, and sometimes also, Parent's also do not realize this. Good post true words.
Sometimes we think the words we say don't have negative impact, until we say them, I think we all need to think before we speak, myself included.
Yes you were out of line. At 13-14 a kid is just developing. Will he continue to develop out? Maybe. Will he develop up instead? It's possible and happens quite often.
My wife still talks about how she was heavy in elementary school. She hit puberty and grew straight up (she is 5 10). It still bothers her the things that were said to her then.
I thought of this as well. I have a 13 year old nephew. He was pudgy from around 11 years old. He is a handsome dude and active and I didn't say anything to him about being pudgy since kids between 11 and 14 usually do go through a pudgy period in our family.
This past year he grew 4 inches and is tall and lean now. I hadn't seen him in a few months over the summer last year and when I saw him again I was shocked. He was still a handsome dude but tall and not pudgy anymore.
There is no need IMO to ridicule teens/kids in this age group. Many kids that age have a bit more fat on them. Now if the kid was obese or morbidly obese, then in the instance with my nephew, I would have been concerned and spoken to his dad (my brother) about it, but I wasn't. His dad is actually the one my own dad made do football I spoke of earlier. My brother gained a lot of weight between 11 and 14 because he got a part time job and with his extra money he started buying a lot of $5 pizzas from Little Ceasars. It was alarming to both my dad and mom but he would buy them when he got out of school with his own money, eat them (or "crazy" bread) before he got home from school and subsequently gained a lot of weight, like over 100 lbs. Dad made him join football and encouraged the coach to work him hard in order to ensure he burned a lot of calories during practice the summer before his Freshman year in high school. His son, my nephew, was never as fat as he was, so we weren't worried. The OP would probably have said something to my pudgy nephew last year in the same situation as the boy described as the OP.
In all fairness, op said, "... get in shape" There is a HUGE difference between "getting in shape" and "you are a disgusting fat pig." A super skinny guy can be pretty out of shape as well.
This said, he "assumed" the kid wanted to be a Marine, so he gave unwanted advice, Nothing more or less. I don't think op had bad intention.
It was probably completely unnecessary. This kid is either going to get his butt kicked by his drill sergeant till he gets in shape, or he'll wash out of the Marines. It's fun seeing friends and relatives come home to visit after being in the military for six months. All the flab is just gone.
Americans are too weak and sensitive now.
When I was a kid many people commented on my look, behaviors, interests, etc. Those things did not really affect me much.
Would it have been okay had he said: "You can cut it in the Marines, but you'll have to stick to a strict exercise regimen to be in peak shape."
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