Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Obscene student loans, skyrocketing cost of living, and stagnating wages.
My boyfriend and I would love to get married, but he is 6 figures in law school debt (and as helpful as his law degree has been, he couldn't find a law job in the demolished legal market and instead is a small business owner) and is trying to scale his business. His Boomer parents pushed him into law school after he graduated from the Ivies on a full scholarship, but right in the middle of law school the economy imploded. His best friend and roommate also has a law degree and 5 years later is working as a bank teller after a series of legal contract work dried up. That's the reality of many well-educated Millennials.
He just finished an MBA on a full scholarship, and I am finishing an MS paid for by my employer to try to improve our economic future, all while working full time (him for more than 80 hours a week, me for 60 hours a week at my day job and also supporting his business). And yet, we still will be unlikely to afford a $400,000 starter home an hour from the city. We can barely afford rent on a small 1 bedroom and currently live with roommates on solidly middle class salaries. It doesn't make a lick of sense to join our finances yet - we just make each other legally responsible for each other in other ways. It would be "adolescent foolishness" to not protect ourselves until our finances are in better shape.
Trust me, it's not selfishness or being lazy that keeps us from getting married. We just *can't* do it until we feel more financially stable. Unfortunately, that stability is more and more elusive for our generation.
And let's not even talk about kids. ~$2000 a month for infant day care. Not to mention the looming crisis of having to take care of our Boomer parents who didn't prepare for their own retirement but could very well live 20 or 30 years (or more) after working.
Note: We're both 29 and live in the Boston area (though he splits his time between Boston and upstate NY where the physical operations of his business are based thanks to cheap land/labor, but there are ZERO job opportunities for me or business development opportunities for him)
I came to this country 8 years ago. After few days I bought my first clunker, and when I was coming from the dealer to my motel I needed to turn left at the light. When I approached the intersection I saw about 10 cars waiting inline to turn left at the "right left" turn like sheep while the "left left" turn line was absolutely free. I took that line and when I approached the intersection the light turn to green and I left all the other cars behind. At that second I realized that I will be ok in the country and even more than ok.
What do I see in your post?
1. A weak guy who can be easily pushed to study something that is not profitable and get you in huge debt, instead of studying something practical like IT. A guy who did not check the market and blaming his parents for HIS decisions.
2. A couple that insist to live in one of the most expensive areas of the country. You could easily live in Houston or other southern cities where starter 2 br decent houses can be bought for 80-100k and even less. And yes, there are jobs. So maybe instead of 15$ you will get 12, but the COL and housing is much lower.
So, it's not that you "can't". You "can't" in Boston. And because of poor decisions in the past.
Oh, baloney! You can get married at the courthouse by a JP for the cost of the license.
That is it, if the expectations of things are not met many people will not do it, whatever it is. Then its complaining and blaming others. No one is guaranteed a job, or a wedding, or a house, or a perfect marriage, etc.- you prioritize. If mother in law wants a wedding for her baby let her pay for it or else go to the courthouse. Done. Choices and sacrifices, it's always been that way.
And to compare life to the 50s or 70s, very few millennials would ever want to live the way people did then. There are places now that families can live on one modest income but they don't want that.
I do not think millennials are lazy, they are ocd about things with high expectation that things will work out a particular way if they follow some format. It has never been so, even in the good old days people got trod upon and left out to dry, lied to or misled, sometimes by those well meaning. And things often just don't work out how you planned them. It doesn't mean you don't try because you might fail or should not accept something that is "below" what or who you think you should have.
If you get into debt for a wedding you cannot afford, you are a reckless idiot and deserve whatever you get. If you don't get married strictly because you cannot afford a fancy wedding, what is there to say. And that seems to be the concern from people now - money and status, and these needs that are not needs but wants and expectations. You don't need lots of money to get married or to be married.
If you think "young Americans are killing marriage," perhaps you should ask one of Trump's ex-wives about that and see who she really thinks kills marriages.
and for those that "career" is everything wind up alone in nursing homes because they have no one. Only their career that ended with retirement. See it with baby boomers and in-laws who can't be bothered with relationships and family. Their whole world is work and career. sad.
What is sad is someone having kids just to have someone take care of them when they're old. How do you even know they will? Talk about selfish.
I came to this country 8 years ago. After few days I bought my first clunker, and when I was coming from the dealer to my motel I needed to turn left at the light. When I approached the intersection I saw about 10 cars waiting inline to turn left at the "right left" turn like sheep while the "left left" turn line was absolutely free. I took that line and when I approached the intersection the light turn to green and I left all the other cars behind. At that second I realized that I will be ok in the country and even more than ok.
What do I see in your post?
1. A weak guy who can be easily pushed to study something that is not profitable and get you in huge debt, instead of studying something practical like IT. A guy who did not check the market and blaming his parents for HIS decisions.
2. A couple that insist to live in one of the most expensive areas of the country. You could easily live in Houston or other southern cities where starter 2 br decent houses can be bought for 80-100k and even less. And yes, there are jobs. So maybe instead of 15$ you will get 12, but the COL and housing is much lower.
So, it's not that you "can't". You "can't" in Boston. And because of poor decisions in the past.
If you read my follow up post, you would see that I am a stage IV cancer survivor with an extensive medical team that I need frequent follow ups with. Even though MD Anderson is in Houston, I would still need to find an employer who would allow me to fly back to Boston 4 times a year at a bare minimum and take several days off for tests and procedures. People fly in from all over the world to see my specialists, and I have a particularly oddly presenting case of an already rare cancer that needs careful monitoring. As it stands, I know that I will be "safe" in Massachusetts with regard to health insurance access. With politics so uncertain, I can't say the same about much of the rest of the country. Boston is also the best city in the world for my field, by far. That is why I stay, for now, until my health is more stable and I finish my paid for master's degree.
Unfortunately, the "poor decision" of getting stage IV cancer right out of college, medically barring me from the field I initially trained in (forcing retraining), draining my savings and throwing my credit out of whack, and causing long-term financial ramifications in the form of where I can live and how much I have to pay for medical care is far more of an impact for me.
I agree - my boyfriend's past financial decisions (made long before I met him) are problematic. He grew up in a dirt poor family in a dirt poor area and, as a particularly smart guy, saw law as a ticket out of poverty for him and his family. As an only child, he feels an obligation to take care of his parents which is how his business was formed - he employs both of his parents as well as a few dozen people in his Rust Belt hometown. The law market was OK - not great, but OK - when many began law school. Then the recession hit - and even still many Boomers, college career centers, etc pushed smart people into law. It was incredibly stressful for me to push back at all of the people yelling in my ear about law school, and I was lucky to have a much broader view of the legal market, as well as a less congenial relationship with my parents than my boyfriend had.
That is part of the reason why we are holding off on marriage - he needs to make significant headway with saving for the future and paying down student loan debt before I will be willing to co-mingle our finances.
I live in the most expensive part of the country, but live frugally. Despite my struggles, I am now able to save between 25-30% of my income and benefit from my higher Boston-area salary going toward my retirement early. I'd rather sacrifice for my career now than suffer because of stagnated career and retirement growth later.
If you read my follow up post, you would see that I am a stage IV cancer survivor with an extensive medical team that I need frequent follow ups with. Even though MD Anderson is in Houston, I would still need to find an employer who would allow me to fly back to Boston 4 times a year at a bare minimum and take several days off for tests and procedures. People fly in from all over the world to see my specialists, and I have a particularly oddly presenting case of an already rare cancer that needs careful monitoring. As it stands, I know that I will be "safe" in Massachusetts with regard to health insurance access. With politics so uncertain, I can't say the same about much of the rest of the country. Boston is also the best city in the world for my field, by far. That is why I stay, for now, until my health is more stable and I finish my paid for master's degree.
Unfortunately, the "poor decision" of getting stage IV cancer right out of college, medically barring me from the field I initially trained in (forcing retraining), draining my savings and throwing my credit out of whack, and causing long-term financial ramifications in the form of where I can live and how much I have to pay for medical care is far more of an impact for me.
First I want to wish you health. As a cancer survivor by myself (colon) I can imagine what you'v been throw. Second, I'm really sorry but you are not a typical case and it's not representing the common crowd of young people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
I agree - my boyfriend's past financial decisions (made long before I met him) are problematic. He grew up in a dirt poor family in a dirt poor area and, as a particularly smart guy, saw law as a ticket out of poverty for him and his family. As an only child, he feels an obligation to take care of his parents which is how his business was formed - he employs both of his parents as well as a few dozen people in his Rust Belt hometown. The law market was OK - not great, but OK - when many began law school. Then the recession hit - and even still many Boomers, college career centers, etc pushed smart people into law. It was incredibly stressful for me to push back at all of the people yelling in my ear about law school, and I was lucky to have a much broader view of the legal market, as well as a less congenial relationship with my parents than my boyfriend had.
That is part of the reason why we are holding off on marriage - he needs to make significant headway with saving for the future and paying down student loan debt before I will be willing to co-mingle our finances.
I live in the most expensive part of the country, but live frugally. Despite my struggles, I am now able to save between 25-30% of my income and benefit from my higher Boston-area salary going toward my retirement early. I'd rather sacrifice for my career now than suffer because of stagnated career and retirement growth later.
First you say that you barely pay the rent and now that you save 30% of your salary? I think I'm not following you.
I came to this country 8 years ago. After few days I bought my first clunker, and when I was coming from the dealer to my motel I needed to turn left at the light. When I approached the intersection I saw about 10 cars waiting inline to turn left at the "right left" turn like sheep while the "left left" turn line was absolutely free. I took that line and when I approached the intersection the light turn to green and I left all the other cars behind. At that second I realized that I will be ok in the country and even more than ok.
What do I see in your post?
1. A weak guy who can be easily pushed to study something that is not profitable and get you in huge debt, instead of studying something practical like IT. A guy who did not check the market and blaming his parents for HIS decisions.
2. A couple that insist to live in one of the most expensive areas of the country. You could easily live in Houston or other southern cities where starter 2 br decent houses can be bought for 80-100k and even less. And yes, there are jobs. So maybe instead of 15$ you will get 12, but the COL and housing is much lower.
So, it's not that you "can't". You "can't" in Boston. And because of poor decisions in the past.
And I see in your post someone being awfully judgmental about a total stranger.
I don't care why they don't want to. I think it's great that they're not getting married because they feel they ought to, for whatever reason. In fact, I suspect that many people throughout history would rather have stayed single than get married. They just didn't have the choice. I'm very pleased that these kids feel they truly have the choice.
Marriage is a terrible deal and high risk for men these days. Combine that with very long educational careers, high debts, high taxes, crappy jobs, and low wages for young people in general and you have your answer. It's not that hard to figure out.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
