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Our city YWCA had occasional Friday night middle school dances for the 8th and 9th graders. While it was normally boys asking girls to dance they always ended each evening with a girl's choice slow dance. I was the "odd bird", a poor farm girl. I remember the night that that I asked the boy who sat next to me in art class to dance. He was part of the "in crowd", the rich kids who lived in those huge houses on East Hill. The immediate look on his face (which he quickly hid) was absolute terror as he glanced over to his rich "in crowd" friends standing near him. But, he then smiled at me and said "Yes" and we danced together. This was over 50 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I bet that he was teased by his friends later on but the kindness that he showed to me that night was one of my fondest memories from middle school and high school.
I have a similar memory...only I was a poor boy in the ninth grade. One of the "in" girls from the rich crowd asked me to dance during the girls choice dance at the end of the evening. I still remember that thirty-one years later.
So while "protecting" boys from hearing "no", meaning you have been judged a loser in this case, how do we protect girls who never receive an invitation for them to either accept or turn down? Are all dances by a random lottery assignment and the "asking" is just a bit of Kabuki Theatre?
A school dance rule described by a school district in Weber County, Utah as a way to teach inclusiveness raised concerns for one student's mother, KTLA sister station KSTU reported Thursday.
So apparently, this school has had this policy of NOT turning down anyone who asks you to dance. You HAVE to say yes, and dance with whoever asks you. This is a bunch of 6th graders.
The school is saying it's about being inclusive and teaching kindness. I think it's about teaching children, and especially female children that they don't have autonomy over their bodies. Honestly, if I was the mother of a female student (especially) I'd keep the student away from the dance, and go do something else special.
Either we believe that females get to have the final word on who they allow to touch their bodies...or we don't. I guess this particular school thinks it's more important to spare a boy's feelings, than it is to respect the girls' right to give consent.
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Originally Posted by Taiko
So while "protecting" boys from hearing "no", meaning you have been judged a loser in this case, how do we protect girls who never receive an invitation for them to either accept or turn down? Are all dances by a random lottery assignment and the "asking" is just a bit of Kabuki Theatre?
I have no idea what Kabuki Theatre means, but I would think this school would also protect the girls asking the boys to dance.
Does that solve your question? If the girls could ask the boys to dance and be assured of an acceptance?
It is a form of theatre where people in old fashioned clothes scream and run around to mostly drum music and scream a lot. Sort of like a rock and roll concert, only in Japanese.
BTW, you can learn things on the internet. Between Google and wiki, you should never need to say "I have no idea." Perhaps you could get away with "I have never seen or heard Kabuki, but then again, "We'll always have Youtube." "Here's looking at you, Babe."
I want to completely and clearly separate myself from the idea of racial mixing. I'm much more concerned that my (grown) kids be in relationships with people who value them, are good to them, and are loving people, then the color of their skin. For that matter, color of the skin doesn't really register to me.
So while "protecting" boys from hearing "no", meaning you have been judged a loser in this case, how do we protect girls who never receive an invitation for them to either accept or turn down? Are all dances by a random lottery assignment and the "asking" is just a bit of Kabuki Theatre?
At the risk of playing devil's advocate...
It's usually boys doing the asking, and girls are usually more choosy. So due to how male/female attraction works, it kind of makes sense to protect the boys (emphasis on "kind of"). After all, schools protected girls from all sorts of things ever since feminism went mainstream. Of course, this creates another problem: a boy getting the idea that if a girl accepts his dance offer (having forgotten that it was mandated by the school), it means she likes him. And acting on that idea! What will the school do then? As for protecting the girls extending dance offers, boys have to accept them too, and both parties will know. So it's a level playing field.
Still, the school is screwing the pooch big time! Adults generally understand that a one-time dance is just that. While most middle-schoolers do not. I look forward to finding out what ramifications this rule will have.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-14-2018 at 10:27 PM..
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Everyone is reading way too much into this - I love the idea - it's one dance - it teaches people kindness and tolerance - something this society needs now more than ever.
The girl / guy accepting won't die - but the asker will feel so much better about themselves. It's a 3 minute dance - everyone will survive!
I have no idea what Kabuki Theatre means, but I would think this school would also protect the girls asking the boys to dance.
Does that solve your question? If the girls could ask the boys to dance and be assured of an acceptance?
In this case since there is no risk in asking her part is mandated by the script is just acting while the teacher/chaperone claps her approval. However the risk that the girl feels like a loser since she was never asked remains. If she has to demand mandatory acceptance as that is the script is different from the winner girls having more offers than they can accept and girl who has to demand a dance knows it
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As for protecting the girls extending dance offers, boys have to accept them too, and both parties will know. So it's a level playing field.
