Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Was anyone here actually a traditional housewife in the 1950's and 1960's?
Shouldn't we be talking/hearing from people who actually lived the life instead of listening to 'rose colored' recollections on you tube? I want to hear from people who actually lived the life, not from their children who might not have known everything that their mother was feeling about her role in the family. Some women might have loved their role, others hated it and still other might have been torn between wanting to balance between working and staying home.
Adults will often look back on their childhood and mourn for those halcyon days of childhood while adults living in the same era remember it quite differently.
My grandmother was. She was completely and utterly dependent on my grandfather until her kids were out of high school and she took a part-time job in a local sewing factory (she was a seamstress after she left the sewing factory and wanted a wee, side hustle to keep her in cash for stuff like buying gifts for us kids and getting her hair done).
She and my grandfather had a good marriage and they were together until they died, but if he'd been a bad husband (abusive, etc) she would have been screwed.
So, no. I never looked at them growing up and thought "I want to be like that."
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Was anyone here actually a traditional housewife in the 1950's and 1960's?
Shouldn't we be talking/hearing from people who actually lived the life instead of listening to 'rose colored' recollections on you tube? I want to hear from people who actually lived the life, not from their children who might not have known everything that their mother was feeling about her role in the family. Some women might have loved their role, others hated it and still other might have been torn between wanting to balance between working and staying home.
Adults will often look back on their childhood and mourn for those halcyon days of childhood while adults living in the same era remember it quite differently.
I knew women who stayed home and did volunteer work, women who played bridge and drank all afternoon and women who worked.
It was pretty boring, on the whole. That is one reason many went to work when the kids were in school.
A good number taught school so they could be home when their kids were home. IMO, that was not a good reason to pick teaching as a career. It showed.
My mom was divorced when I was 5. She always worked. A single mom could support 3 kids on a department store clerk's salary.
People got very used to women working during the war.
And some lucky women were able to go on to college during and after the war. The job thing depend on where you lived and luck. Not many female lawyers in those days.
There were plenty of women who worked while dh was in college.
I wouldn't say women were trapped. Some were left high and dry with a house they couldn't afford when dh run off with the secretary. Knew some in that situation, too.
It all goes back to personal choice. Some made way better choices than others did.
My grandmother was a woman who loved to work - and did, much to my own mother's embarrassment, so when her time came, she fully embraced the stereotypical housewife image. She loved every minute. It worked out well for her and despite a divorce she never worked outside the home again. It didn't work so well for her sister who's husband ran off with his assistant and left her with a house she couldn't afford and two children he was uninterested in supporting. They went from a comfortable suburban life including a country club, boat and a maid to living paycheck to paycheck in a rundown house in the country and the kids were sent off to various out of state relatives over the summer because there was no care available while she worked.
I have lately had some reasons to be discussing marriage and women with a variety of friends and relatives. Frankly, I've been shocked at the number of women who've stuck with an otherwise unsatisfactory marriage because they couldn't afford to leave. Some women who are my age (mid 50s) and some younger - even with young children at home. It's easy to say they should have "made a better choice" when some things are not obvious when dating or develop later on. Anyone making the decision to be fully dependent on another person is taking a huge risk. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
I have no idea how other families handle this finances.
I have always been a SAHM, even when the kids were gone and had kids of their own.
Every dime that came into our household went into one account. The family budgeted according to needs. We stuck to the budget religiously.
There was never any conversation regarding who contributed what between dh and me.
A very good friend is a high dollar divorce lawyer. He says the judge will give me 80% of all accumulated funds in all accounts.
And like I have already posted. If the husband and wife decided one will take care of the kids and the household and gives up education and career, they may get 1/2 of the income for life.
Most women who are divorcing cannot afford a "high dollar divorce lawyer". Sometimes their husbands can. It's funny how quickly "our" money becomes "my" money once a divorce is in the works. In my sister's case, her ex had a friend who was a lawyer and in order to keep her from her fair share of his 401k (she had given up working at his request when the kids were born) he just continually made her go back to court for things they had already agree on. The court would find in her favor but it cost her lawyer's fees each time. Of course she eventually got what she deserved but it took YEARS and the amount was diminished by the compounded lawyer fees it cost her to get what she was entitled to.
Looking back, between my sister and I, I was much more suited to be a SAHM (but save for a very short time, was not in a financial position to do so). She was in a financial position to do so and did but honestly she would have been much happier working. In the end, it worked out well for me. My working is what will enable us to retire - we would not have been able to save enough on my husband's income alone. I don't regret the choice we made and am very happy I was afforded the opportunities I deserved. As an added benefit, it ensured that I stayed in my marriage because I wanted to not because I felt I couldn't afford to leave without risking my (or my children's) future. Thanks feminists!
Last edited by maciesmom; 02-21-2018 at 04:50 PM..
Most women who are divorcing cannot afford a "high dollar divorce lawyer". Sometimes their husbands can. It's funny how quickly "our" money becomes "my" money once a divorce is in the works. In my sister's case, her ex had a friend who was a lawyer and in order to keep her from her fair share of his 401k (she had given up working at his request when the kids were born) he just continually made her go back to court for things they had already agree on. The court would find in her favor but it cost her lawyer's fees each time. Of course she eventually got what she deserved but it took YEARS and the amount was diminished by the compounded lawyer fees it cost her to get what she was entitled to.
Looking back, between my sister and I, I was much more suited to be a SAHM (but save for a very short time, was not in a financial position to do so). She was in a financial position to do so and did but honestly she would have been much happier working. In the end, it worked out well for me. My working is what will enable us to retire - we would not have been able to save enough on my husband's income alone. I don't regret the choice we made and am very happy I was afforded the opportunities I deserved. As an added benefit, it ensured that I stayed in my marriage because I wanted to not because I felt I couldn't afford to leave without risking my (or my children's) future. Thanks feminists!
I couldn't afford him even if he were to take my case.;-]
His point was since I washed and ironed the oxford cloth shirts for 40 years and laid out dh clothes for the day, the judge would see that as going beyond regular housewife stuff.
My point is this is 2018. All people can do what they want.
We are no smarter now in picking a life partner than we were in the 50s.
And IMO, we all should know the quickest route to poverty for a female is to have a bunch of kids and no father in the house. The goal of most parents is to raise self supporting daughters should they need to be.
DD's divorce cost the 2 of us 40K. But it was because her ex lied to the judge about his income. They had to haul in an accountant. It was a good thing for her. That lie cost him 80% of the child support and 1/2 the assets they could account for. And 5 years alimony.
Women need to get smarter. Or live in sin, like granny used to say.
I couldn't afford him even if he were to take my case.;-]
His point was since I washed and ironed the oxford cloth shirts for 40 years and laid out dh clothes for the day, the judge would see that as going beyond regular housewife stuff.
My point is this is 2018. All people can do what they want.
We are no smarter now in picking a life partner than we were in the 50s.
And IMO, we all should know the quickest route to poverty for a female is to have a bunch of kids and no father in the house. The goal of most parents is to raise self supporting daughters should they need to be.
DD's divorce cost the 2 of us 40K. But it was because her ex lied to the judge about his income. They had to haul in an accountant. It was a good thing for her. That lie cost him 80% of the child support and 1/2 the assets they could account for. And 5 years alimony.
Women need to get smarter. Or live in sin, like granny used to say.
Thankfully. But there are a few posters who seem to think that those opportunities and the choice to do what one wants are some conspiracy that set women back from their life of ease that they see in the rearview mirror.
And no doubt your friend's comments were balanced with your age and the length of your marriage. A younger woman with say..10 years of marriage who left the workforce to raise children, would most likely not be receiving such a generous settlement. As you demonstrated. And what would your daughter have received without your financial support and assistance? Probably significantly less.
Thankfully. But there are a few posters who seem to think that those opportunities and the choice to do what one wants are some conspiracy that set women back from their life of ease that they see in the rearview mirror.
But you can't really argue that women have the same level of opportunity to be SAHMs that they did in the 1950s.
Thankfully. But there are a few posters who seem to think that those opportunities and the choice to do what one wants are some conspiracy that set women back from their life of ease that they see in the rearview mirror.
And no doubt your friend's comments were balanced with your age and the length of your marriage. A younger woman with say..10 years of marriage who left the workforce to raise children, would most likely not be receiving such a generous settlement. As you demonstrated. And what would your daughter have received without your financial support and assistance? Probably significantly less.
My friend who got the good settlement was in her 40s with high school age children.
Thankfully. But there are a few posters who seem to think that those opportunities and the choice to do what one wants are some conspiracy that set women back from their life of ease that they see in the rearview mirror.
And no doubt your friend's comments were balanced with your age and the length of your marriage. A younger woman with say..10 years of marriage who left the workforce to raise children, would most likely not be receiving such a generous settlement. As you demonstrated. And what would your daughter have received without your financial support and assistance? Probably significantly less.
DDs problem was she married a man who lied. The cost came from his lying. It cost him in the long run. But, you are correct. It would not have ended well for her and her son had she not had a fallback position to see her through it.
But, that came form years of observation of human condition in the USA by her parents. Her dad decided if he needed to spend all those dollars sending daughters through grad school, they better damn well have all the same rights as his son.
DDs problem was she married a man who lied. The cost came from his lying. It cost him in the long run. But, you are correct. It would not have ended well for her and her son had she not had a fallback position to see her through it.
But, that came form years of observation of human condition in the USA by her parents. Her dad decided if he needed to spend all those dollars sending daughters through grad school, they better damn well have all the same rights as his son.
So she was at fault for making a poor choice then according to some posters. And grad school or not, she would have had a difficult time had she been in the same situation in the glorious 1950s where supposedly, all women were happy as long as their husbands had good jobs. Whether their husbands were liars or cheats or abusive or....didn't matter since they didn't "have" to work. She's both lucky she had you as well as an education and in an era that a single, working mother can expect the same opportunities as her male counterparts.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
