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Old 03-26-2018, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Home is Where You Park It
23,856 posts, read 13,743,685 times
Reputation: 15482

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin View Post
You don't believe a 16yo sold off for $20k is not a "Forced Marriage". You think she had a choice?
No, that's child abuse, she was underage, refused the marriage and was punished, and that is a CRIME.

The question is, why do you think that these actions are typical of arranged marriages?

Many asian Indian young adults still rely on their parents and/or a marriage broker to find a spouse for them when they feel ready to marry. They may meet their prospective spouse only once. But no coercion or punishment is involved.

They do it this way because they believe that an older, more experienced person is a better judge of spouse quality/compatibility than a younger, less-experienced, more hormone-driven person. They have a point, as all too many of us married-and-divorced-young know.

While I wouldn't do it this way myself, I can see no reason why this is not as good a way to find a spouse as, say, Tinder.

BTW, to the case in the OP? Fine with me if these parents serve a good long prison term, and are then deported. The girl gets to stay.

Last edited by jacqueg; 03-26-2018 at 08:27 AM..
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Old 03-26-2018, 08:24 AM
 
Location: NE Ohio
30,419 posts, read 20,301,605 times
Reputation: 8958
Quote:
So, I would recommend people who don't like the West to stay where they are from and fix their economies instead.
Ann Coulter has also made this same statement ...stay where you are and fix your own countries problems, don't come to America and then expect to establish the same culture from which you fled, here.
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Old 03-26-2018, 08:27 AM
 
Location: NE Ohio
30,419 posts, read 20,301,605 times
Reputation: 8958
That's interesting, since Muslims are not supposed to associate with either Jews or Christians. It's better for them to associate with atheists (for example), who can be converted to Islam.
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Old 03-26-2018, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,892 posts, read 30,262,451 times
Reputation: 19087
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6oo9 View Post
This does exist in America. My understanding is the practice come from parents of these immigrants (Indians, Mideastern muslims ...) out of love of their children and fears of marrying wrong persons with wrong race or wrong religion, they had to arrange the marriages. However, US laws have limited power to interfere. One of my daughter's middle school 16yo friend from mideast had such tragedy. Her parents arranged her to marry a middle aged old man. She run away from home and stayed in friends homes. Court issued restraining order to protect her.
yes, you are correct, however, I believe we're all missing what they did to their child, upon her refusal...what a terrible thing to do to someone, if that isn't terroristic, I don't know what is....just saying....

in referencing your post....some of these country's cultures are extremely primitive in their way of thinking and believing, which you can't change....but once here on American soil, there are just some things that shouldn't be tolerated, and are criminal acts.

my granddaughter, had a friend in school she wanted to hang out with after school hours...my DIL phoned her parents to invite their child over for dinner and a movie. They refused and said, she wasn't allowed to associate with anyone outside of their religion, so.....
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Old 03-26-2018, 09:30 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
25,947 posts, read 24,739,641 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nononsenseguy View Post
Ann Coulter has also made this same statement ...stay where you are and fix your own countries problems, don't come to America and then expect to establish the same culture from which you fled, here.
I don't even mean it in an aggressive way in order to get rid of them, but it would also be better for themselves as I know from my stays abroad that living in a different culture can make you feel rather lonely and isolated, even start to dislike your host country as you start to miss things you know and like from back home.
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Old 03-26-2018, 09:38 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
25,947 posts, read 24,739,641 times
Reputation: 9728
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacqueg View Post
No, that's child abuse, she was underage, refused the marriage and was punished, and that is a CRIME.

The question is, why do you think that these actions are typical of arranged marriages?

Many asian Indian young adults still rely on their parents and/or a marriage broker to find a spouse for them when they feel ready to marry. They may meet their prospective spouse only once. But no coercion or punishment is involved.

They do it this way because they believe that an older, more experienced person is a better judge of spouse quality/compatibility than a younger, less-experienced, more hormone-driven person. They have a point, as all too many of us married-and-divorced-young know.

While I wouldn't do it this way myself, I can see no reason why this is not as good a way to find a spouse as, say, Tinder.

BTW, to the case in the OP? Fine with me if these parents serve a good long prison term, and are then deported. The girl gets to stay.
I don't share those views on Indians at all. Based on my Indian friend's statements (she never got married, but her parents tried to marry her off repeatedly, inviting all kinds of guys into their living room and putting pressure on her) that is not how it works. Arranged marriages are more like financial transactions in India. Compatibility basically means comparing wealth, degrees and asking priests for astrological evaluations. The result is that many Indians are not happily married. Lower divorce rates don't mean such marriages lead to happy couples. Far from it. Being a divorcee is not easy in India, especially for women.
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Old 03-26-2018, 09:44 AM
 
21,467 posts, read 10,570,105 times
Reputation: 14115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64 View Post
There are a few problems with that. The proposed travel ban is very selective, to the point of seeming a bit arbitrary. Have we forgotten so quickly that the 9/11 terrorists were primarily Saudis?

I am not in favor of banning anyone on the basis of their religion or country of origin, but if we are going to do so, at least let's be consistent about it.
Only arbitrary because you refuse to understand what they were saying. Saudi Arabia works with us now on terrorism. They keep records, and provide them to us on their people who want to immigrate to this country. The countries on the travel ban list DO NOT. They are mostly failed states with no records, and/or do not share the truth with us.
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Old 03-26-2018, 09:55 AM
 
8,090 posts, read 6,960,223 times
Reputation: 9226
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacqueg View Post
No, that's child abuse, she was underage, refused the marriage and was punished, and that is a CRIME.

The question is, why do you think that these actions are typical of arranged marriages?

Many asian Indian young adults still rely on their parents and/or a marriage broker to find a spouse for them when they feel ready to marry. They may meet their prospective spouse only once. But no coercion or punishment is involved.

They do it this way because they believe that an older, more experienced person is a better judge of spouse quality/compatibility than a younger, less-experienced, more hormone-driven person. They have a point, as all too many of us married-and-divorced-young know.

While I wouldn't do it this way myself, I can see no reason why this is not as good a way to find a spouse as, say, Tinder.

BTW, to the case in the OP? Fine with me if these parents serve a good long prison term, and are then deported. The girl gets to stay.
I’ve known lots of Indian and Pakistani-Americans in arranged marriages. As typically employed in America, it’s basdically matchmaking. The young people choose who they marry, but the families choose the candidates. They spend time getting to know the person and their family has selected for them, and then they choose whether not to go through with the marriage. Marriage in and of itself is patriarchal, and Western society isn’t far removed from arranged marriages and dowries. So-called shotgun wedding were common as recently as 30 years ago. Southern evangelical courtship is not much different from the arranged marriages of the east.
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Old 03-26-2018, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Here and now.
11,904 posts, read 5,585,357 times
Reputation: 12963
Quote:
Originally Posted by katygirl68 View Post
Only arbitrary because you refuse to understand what they were saying. Saudi Arabia works with us now on terrorism. They keep records, and provide them to us on their people who want to immigrate to this country. The countries on the travel ban list DO NOT. They are mostly failed states with no records, and/or do not share the truth with us.
I understand that. The thing is, records are not necessarily a guarantee of good intentions.
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Old 03-26-2018, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Home is Where You Park It
23,856 posts, read 13,743,685 times
Reputation: 15482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling View Post
I don't share those views on Indians at all. Based on my Indian friend's statements (she never got married, but her parents tried to marry her off repeatedly, inviting all kinds of guys into their living room and putting pressure on her) that is not how it works. Arranged marriages are more like financial transactions in India. Compatibility basically means comparing wealth, degrees and asking priests for astrological evaluations. The result is that many Indians are not happily married. Lower divorce rates don't mean such marriages lead to happy couples. Far from it. Being a divorcee is not easy in India, especially for women.
Did they force her? Did they throw burning oil on her?

As for being happily married, I know of exactly no way to ensure that outcome. Do you?
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