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Agreed... so you're on board now with telling daughters, sisters and mothers not to walk down the street naked?
There is a HUGE difference between me advising my daughter to behave in ways to protect her from being victimized and blaming a woman for making herself a victim.
If I am assaulted, I am assaulted regardless of my actions. We can work backwards until we say I shouldn't have been born female, but it won't change the fact of the assault. Being raped is not the fault of the victim, it is the fault of the rapist. Full stop.
It is not one or the other! It is BOTH! OF COURSE rapists should not rape, boys should be taught to respect women (everyone should be taught to respect everyone, actually), but that does not eliminate the need for women to do all they can to keep themselves safe.
There is a huge difference between "victim blaming" in a court of law (how the woman was dressed or what she was doing has NO BEARING on the guilt of her rapist), versus "victim blaming" in terms of analyzing how the victim might have avoided being the target of the crime.
It seems like some posters are saying that women should be allowed to live as recklessly as they wish, because men "should not rape." Well of course men should not rape. And women should be keenly aware of the dangers that exist in our imperfect world. Lock your car and house doors, don't walk alone in the dark, carry mace, be trained in self-defense, don't get drunk and go home with a man you just met at a bar, etc. Be smart!
I don't recall any poster saying women should just be able to do whatever they want. I think everyone agrees people should err on the side of caution but not to the extent that we avoid all socially acceptable attire and behavior and that dressing a bit risky or having a drink does not by default give someone the green light to assault you.
There are common sense precautions that can be taken to lessen the chance of something happening but there is still always a chance something could happen. That's not a reason not to take common sense precautions.
And I nor anyone else suggested that people should not take common sense precautions.
Say I'm walking through the ghetto at night and I get mugged. Well, perhaps I shouldn't have walked through the ghetto at night alone huh?
Say I'm a girl who decides to get drunk and high on God knows what drugs in the middle of a bunch of hypersexualized jocks who have always been taught that girls were just playthings.
Why is it that we can't bring up some basic common sense safety tips without being accused of victim blaming?
Because you don't tell rape victims how to avoid something that should never be done. It's insensitive.
Can you suggest ways that ALL people can keep themselves safe in the event that they encounter a person who may harm them? Sure... that's smart to discuss.
But, to single out rape victims to tell them what they could have done to prevent it?
Noooo.
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I have daughter. And as she grows I will continue to show her that she is boundless and to live her life fully and that she demand respect from all who she encounters and never settle for anything less.
And no matter what she does and where she goes, if any ill were to befall her, it would NEVER be her fault.
OK great but what about taking precautions? That will never come up?
The victim is never to blame no matter how many times you put the phrase in a quotations. That's the point. Whether a women takes precautions or not, she is not to blame, ever. EVER. EVER!
Agreed. It's no different than someone being a victim of car theft or home burglary. Suggesting that people keep valuables out of sight and lock their cars or lock their houses, have lights on timers and have someone picking up their mail when away isn't "victim blaming". Any more than suggesting that there are things that women can do to reduce their risk of being victims of a sexual assault.
People can play the stupid "teach men not to rape card" and it's just that-stupid. Rapists are criminals, just like burglars, car thieves, armed robbers or murderers. You can't stop them with a little meme or sound bite. And 99% of the population are not criminals by their nature.
Who do you think draws more attention to herself: A girl in a hooker outfit or someone more modestly dressed?
I already told you my experience. I got more attention than girls in slutty outfits, so the I disagree with your generalization. A LOT of men don't want the girl/woman who appears easy to them. They (especially the rapist type) enjoy a good chase. And exerting control.
I mean I was dressing modestly because I had been taught not to appear slutty, and I didn't want any more male attention than I already had, but it never was meant as a protection from rape, because that is nonsense.
I never once thought, oh this dress is too short, I might get raped if I wear it. Ever. It had to do with whether the dress was too short for the occasion to be appropriate.
My father burned things into my mind as a teen to not appear 'loose' but never one time did he say or think that dressing modestly would keep me safe from rape. Not even safER.
I have daughter. And as she grows I will continue to show her that she is boundless and to live her life fully and that she demand respect from all who she encounters and never settle for anything less.
And no matter what she does and where she goes, if any ill were to befall her, it would NEVER be her fault.
I don't have daughters but I think it wise to also teach daughters and sons that their actions do have consequences.
And I nor anyone else suggested that people should not take common sense precautions.
Like what? Keeping in mind that most rapes are not at 2:AM to women walking down the street in hooker clothes or even drunk at a party in hooker clothes. 85% of assaults are people that the woman knows. School friends, co-workers, etc.
Agreed. It's no different than someone being a victim of car theft or home burglary. Suggesting that people keep valuables out of sight and lock their cars or lock their houses, have lights on timers and have someone picking up their mail when away isn't "victim blaming". Any more than suggesting that there are things that women can do to reduce their risk of being victims of a sexual assault.
People can play the stupid "teach men not to rape card" and it's just that-stupid. Rapists are criminals, just like burglars, car thieves, armed robbers or murderers. You can't stop them with a little meme or sound bite. And 99% of the population are not criminals by their nature.
The point just flew over your head on that one. We have to continue to talk about consent because there is a problem where women who are unable to consent are assaulted. And date rape happens. THOSE are the cases where we must continue to teach men not to rape. If I am too drunk to say yes, the default is no. End of story. Even if I was making out hot & heavy 15 minutes ago, if I am unconscious, it's a big NOPE. You know what's stupid? That we have to keep saying it. I'll teach my kids that they cannot have sex with someone who cannot consent. Meanwhile, I'll continue to teach them not to get herself into that sort of situation.
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And women should be keenly aware of the dangers that exist in our imperfect world. Lock your car and house doors, don't walk alone in the dark, carry mace, be trained in self-defense, don't get drunk and go home with a man you just met at a bar, etc. Be smart!
