Are we raising generation of cowards unable to cope with conflicts? (Reagan, school)

[nwman2830]

From school to workplace to neighborhood, I get impression unlike in my younger years, more and more people increasingly when they have a problem with another person, instead of starting a dialogue, they just resort complaining directly to someone in authority and fail to bring attention to you directly. Instead they would prefer to talk about you behind your back with peers. It seems to be more common with people in 20's. Those in 40's seem to have more willingness to bring something to surface upfront to give you chance to sort it out with them before giving up on you. Is it just me or do you get that sense too?

[AFP]

There's been a definite breakdown in the sense of community and of course communication has suffered.

[loves2read]

How do you equate your theory when the incidents of road rage are WAY higher in past 5 yrs than say 15 yrs ago
Growing up in the 50-6-70's I never saw people are argumentative as they are now
People will fight with so little provocation
I think people are so angry/hostile now...
Many reasons for it

[Phil75230]

Originally Posted by nwman2830

From school to workplace to neighborhood, I get impression unlike in my younger years, more and more people increasingly when they have a problem with another person, instead of starting a dialogue, they just resort complaining directly to someone in authority and fail to bring attention to you directly.

It's because people are realizing that you can't reason with a bully - not someone you simply have a disagreement or one-off / rare spat with - a bully. We as a society also are coming to recognize that psychological abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, even if the wounds aren't visible. It also disrupt workplace and student morale, leading to lower productivity / grades, increasing sickleave / truancy, and in the case of adults, high staff turnover (and in modern times, lower student enrollment, now that homeschooling is an option).

Originally Posted by nwman2830

Instead they would prefer to talk about you behind your back with peers. It seems to be more common with people in 20's. Those in 40's seem to have more willingness to bring something to surface upfront to give you chance to sort it out with them before giving up on you. Is it just me or do you get that sense too?

I think it's just you. I'm 50 and it happened when I entered the workforce and has been ever since. I do agree the direct approach - politely done - is best. However, that option is open only for those who are at more or less the same power level (official or personality) as the person they have a conflict with. If you're the target of abuse/harassment, odds are they have a lot of the coworkers on their side already.


Added: I don't agree cowards deserve whatever castigation that comes their way. It's not like they choose to be subjected to more fear than they can handle. Some people simply have less ability than others. So it's difficult for me to see how it's right to fault them for their inability to face up to their difficulties.

Originally Posted by loves2read

How do you equate your theory when the incidents of road rage are WAY higher in past 5 yrs than say 15 yrs ago
Growing up in the 50-6-70's I never saw people are argumentative as they are now
People will fight with so little provocation
I think people are so angry/hostile now...
Many reasons for it

I think it's our sense of entitlement (and I mean that in the petty sense). People looking down on others who disagree with them, or seeing a threat in them. Plus our "grab all the goodies (or at least glory) you can" attitude doesn't help either. Look at the corporate CEOs since the start of Reagan, the "celebrity CEOs" of the late 90s (Ken Lay, Bernie Ebbers, "Chainsaw Al" Dunlap, Jack Welsh, etc). And the crowing achievement of this attitude -- Trump as president, regardless of your politics, it's hard to deny that his brash, rude behavior is precisely part of his appeal.

[Avondalist]

It's hard to reason with people in a post-truth society. You need to outnumber them to carry the day.

[sholomar]

Originally Posted by loves2read

How do you equate your theory when the incidents of road rage are WAY higher in past 5 yrs than say 15 yrs ago
Growing up in the 50-6-70's I never saw people are argumentative as they are now
People will fight with so little provocation
I think people are so angry/hostile now...
Many reasons for it

You are actually proving the OP's point.. people who are coddled, spoiled, etc. are more easily angered than people who are put through hardship in life. They expect everything to go their way and get upset when it doesn't.

What we are missing when we raise our kids is a basic understanding in evolutionary psychology. Hardship builds character. We've become a society obsessed with instant gratification and the people who manage to delay gratification and set rules and boundaries are the ones who end up more successful in life.

[Phil75230]

Originally Posted by stockwiz

You are actually proving the OP's point.. people who are coddled, spoiled, etc. are more easily angered than people who are put through hardship in life. They expect everything to go their way and get upset when it doesn't.

What we are missing when we raise our kids is a basic understanding in evolutionary psychology. Hardship builds character. We've become a society obsessed with instant gratification and the people who manage to delay gratification and set rules and boundaries are the ones who end up more successful in life.

Not all hardships build character. If all hardships build character, then we can use that to justify any kind of outrageous acts or exposure to the most hideous acts we know about (I won't give examples, everybody can use their imagination here). Some hardships - no instant gratifications and such - are character builders, but as I suggested, you can only take this one so far before you end up in absurdities.

[Huckleberry3911948]

Yes but it is not restricted to personal conflict we carefully and severely and consistently punish any attempt to confront wrongdoing cowards are not born but cultivated

[MAGAalot]

Its like in the early years of school, kids would tell the teacher instead of solving the problem themselves.
Adults today are using the same methods as school children.

[EDnurse]

Originally Posted by nwman2830

From school to workplace to neighborhood, I get impression unlike in my younger years, more and more people increasingly when they have a problem with another person, instead of starting a dialogue, they just resort complaining directly to someone in authority and fail to bring attention to you directly. Instead they would prefer to talk about you behind your back with peers. It seems to be more common with people in 20's. Those in 40's seem to have more willingness to bring something to surface upfront to give you chance to sort it out with them before giving up on you. Is it just me or do you get that sense too?

Because they’re whiners: everything was done for them so they cannot cope with anything.

Examples:

1. Crossing the street. My parents taught me how to cross the street when I was 5 yrs old. Nowadays? Kids need a cross guard. Go to the parking lot of any large store and look at the people. They don’t even bother looking.

2. Figuring out a tip in your head? Forget it.

3. Figuring out which way is east/west/north/south? Forget it.

That’s just a few examples. That’s just the small stuff. People today can barely wipe their own behinds without assistance.