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Yup name calling and personal attacks -- not a good trend in our society. Top down. Yup I believe the President can set the tone for our country. Any day now he can....waiting.
I just saw this....
no one can make anyone do what isn't already in them to do....I think it's high time we own our own faults instead of blaming someone else for setting a tone...
there are lots of people I don't care for...but am I going to harass them online, or any where else, heck no! I'm seeing clips of grown teenage girls fist fighting with other girls over boy friends. How did they get like that? Why so violent? That isn't anyone's fault but the people she hangs out with and perhaps her parents...but to blame one person for a violent country is none productive.
This thread has been very interesting, I hope that you don't mind if I chime in.
I'm a mom who lost her son to suicide 7 years ago. Mike was 23, not a child. He did not end his life due to bullying, the reasons someone opts for suicide are often quite complicated, seldom as linear as we imagine. There is absolutely no doubt, that bullying is one of the leading factors, especially for those who are very young.
Stats and our beliefs about suicide can be complicated and easily misunderstood as well. One of the primary reasons for the confusion is that there is a genuine stigma surrounding the subject. When one loses someone they love to suicide one of the first and most continuously haunting questions is 'Why?', often followed by 'Why wasn't it prevented?' Even the very common (and to me, deeply hurtful) proclamation that all suicide can be prevented if we pay attention. Traumatic loss/grief of this sort brings on such tremendous pain that these questions can be debilitating.
In even the recent past, it was very typical for other causes to be blamed for a death, anything other than suicide. The survivors left behind may tell any who would listen that it was a heart attack, accidental overdose, or a myriad of other things. Even death certificates would often list a cause other than suicide in the effort to help the family who was left behind as death payment was not always paid.
These things are changing, but they continue. This means that often what we imagined was death due to something, may have in fact been suicide. This skews the numbers. And then there are our general beliefs, assumptions we make based on what we read on social media, hear on the news, discuss with friends and colleagues. It can make something feel like a fact, regardless of whether it is or not.
I share these tidbits because I am reminded how much we look for blame, it's a way of shifting some of those terribly hurtful feelings. If I can blame someone or something, perhaps I am not at fault. When really, to my way of thinking, assigning blame and guilt is not helpful at all. But rather seeing cause and taking responsibility for shifting what I am able to shift - that's what is powerful.
There are many paths that lead to suicide. Bullying is certainly a harsh, horrible path that is not new at all. Unfortunately, humans continue to devise ways to torture and hurt one another. We have been doing so since time began, and I suspect that we will continue to create new ways until we all cease to exist. Or evolve to a more kind level.
All of that being said, what can we do? We can call out and shine a light on cruelty, unkindness, unfairness. But that's not enough, we need to stand with those being hurt. Again, with kindness and compassion.
To my way of thinking, this does not mean actively hurting those that are doing wrong - but teaching them something better. Helping them to develop empathy and compassion. I truly believe that when we know better - we do better.
I appreciate the experiences and wisdom that I read within this forum. Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts.
This thread has been very interesting, I hope that you don't mind if I chime in.
I'm a mom who lost her son to suicide 7 years ago. Mike was 23, not a child. He did not end his life due to bullying, the reasons someone opts for suicide are often quite complicated, seldom as linear as we imagine. There is absolutely no doubt, that bullying is one of the leading factors, especially for those who are very young.
Stats and our beliefs about suicide can be complicated and easily misunderstood as well. One of the primary reasons for the confusion is that there is a genuine stigma surrounding the subject. When one loses someone they love to suicide one of the first and most continuously haunting questions is 'Why?', often followed by 'Why wasn't it prevented?' Even the very common (and to me, deeply hurtful) proclamation that all suicide can be prevented if we pay attention. Traumatic loss/grief of this sort brings on such tremendous pain that these questions can be debilitating.
In even the recent past, it was very typical for other causes to be blamed for a death, anything other than suicide. The survivors left behind may tell any who would listen that it was a heart attack, accidental overdose, or a myriad of other things. Even death certificates would often list a cause other than suicide in the effort to help the family who was left behind as death payment was not always paid.
These things are changing, but they continue. This means that often what we imagined was death due to something, may have in fact been suicide. This skews the numbers. And then there are our general beliefs, assumptions we make based on what we read on social media, hear on the news, discuss with friends and colleagues. It can make something feel like a fact, regardless of whether it is or not.
I share these tidbits because I am reminded how much we look for blame, it's a way of shifting some of those terribly hurtful feelings. If I can blame someone or something, perhaps I am not at fault. When really, to my way of thinking, assigning blame and guilt is not helpful at all. But rather seeing cause and taking responsibility for shifting what I am able to shift - that's what is powerful.
There are many paths that lead to suicide. Bullying is certainly a harsh, horrible path that is not new at all. Unfortunately, humans continue to devise ways to torture and hurt one another. We have been doing so since time began, and I suspect that we will continue to create new ways until we all cease to exist. Or evolve to a more kind level.
All of that being said, what can we do? We can call out and shine a light on cruelty, unkindness, unfairness. But that's not enough, we need to stand with those being hurt. Again, with kindness and compassion.
To my way of thinking, this does not mean actively hurting those that are doing wrong - but teaching them something better. Helping them to develop empathy and compassion. I truly believe that when we know better - we do better.
I appreciate the experiences and wisdom that I read within this forum. Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts.
Namaste,
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
I am so so sorry for the loss you have experienced, and thank you kindly for your brave words, truer words could not be spoken. Please know, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.....and thank you for your personal feelings and testimony....greatly appreciate.
And had all of those "mean girls" had their asses handed to them good and proper, this thread and discussion wouldn't exist.
Bullies understand one thing, and one thing only - violence. When dealing with a bully, speak in the language they understand, and do so loudly and clearly. Since time began, this is how problems with bullies hae been resolved.
My kids were bullied in the 80s and 90s. Nobody cared.
My granddaughter is being bullied now. Nobody cares.
At my last job I was bullied. I complained. I was fired, the bullies were not.
All these years I have heard a lot of lip-service about stopping the bullying. No one follows up. Nothing has changed other than the bullies now have social media to use for their attacks, and now kids are killing themselves. Still more lip-service, still no action. The people that can do something about it don't care, and I doubt they ever will.
Why don't people who are being bullied call out people publicly, via social media?
Why don't people who are being bullied call out people publicly, via social media?
Why be victims?
I believe bullies home in on the weak, they certainly don't pick on people they know would fight back....have you ever noticed that when you stand up to a bully they back off?
middle-aged mom One of the more challenging aspects of parenting now days is to convince your child that what others say / post does not define you.
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Seems to me that for the first time in history, kids have the ability to use social media to torment each other.
How exactly is the school / township responsible for the crap kids post on social media? Were the mean girls doing this while in class?
yeah, and I've seen some woman on FB feeds that are fighting with each other...as well as young girls, it's really horrifying...to say the least...
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Why not sue the parents of the offending kids? Won’t go anywhere but will cause parents of offending kids to focus on their kids’ behaviors.
totally agree with this, when we were young, if we cut classes, our parents were fined...by the school...now I'm talking about a repeated offender, which made the parents more strict with their kids, or I should say Us. LOL, My foster parents never spanked us...but, it was always there in the back of our minds, that we'd get a real beating, if we got in trouble. And when a teacher told our parents we were not paying attention, or causing a disruption in class, our parents didn't yell at the teachers, they worked with the teachers.
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Why does a 12 year old need access to social media?
I honestly believe parents today are so burnt out, trying to work full time jobs to support themselves and their mega mansions, that social media becomes a babysitter?
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I live a few blocks from an elementary school and see young kids walking in the street, oblivious to everything, reading and posting on their phones.
yes,indeed, and they do it, b/c their parents do it....and allow them to do it.
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Why do these kids need 24/7 access to everything?
they don't, but I do believe their parents think they do....and if everyone else does it....right?
I'm going to try and share something that I think you might understand, just hope I can explain it right.
I observe and watch a lot of people....and what I'm seeing and reading a lot is, there is no respect for rules and laws...
When I was growing up, it was like something was imprinted into our DNA...in other words, we didn't think about hurting other kids....or doing something wrong, or disobeying rules and laws. It never crossed our minds...We would have never defied our parents, let alone a cop. My gosh, even today, at my age, to defy a cop would turn me into a nervous wreak. Even to have an argument with someone, upsets me, however, I won't back down...what upsets me the most is the fact that I allowed someone to bring me "down" to their level....and be mean...or mean with my words, and believe me, I can be nasty....which is something I really loath what that person comes out....
But somehow, that is not imbedded deeply in our young people today...oh yes, some it is, some were bought up like we were, but not the majority...
In another thread, I've posted where I've actually observed people a lot of people, disobeying traffic laws, why we would have never thought to do that...we were taught to stop at a stop sign, not coast thru...and stop at a yellow light, not run it....and I'm talking grown adults here, not just kids, so their kids are certainly not going to obey laws...even the little ones...
Does that make any sense? Do you understand what I'm trying to explain?
Online bullying is another one of those things a dictator can easily prevent.
no he cannot...a child cannot act any other way than what he/she knows....
In other words, you can't give what you've never known. Children learn behavior from parents, role models, etc...but no one outside of the home can prevent them from being anything else then they already are. If it's not in you to do, you won't do it.
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