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Old 10-01-2018, 09:09 AM
 
42,732 posts, read 29,874,717 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
That's true but in 2018, women should feel confident to report, and do it as soon as possible.
It hasn't changed as much as you think. Just read this thread. You have a guy on here asserting that if a girl has drinks with a guy that she is giving consent. And women who step up and report it have to deal with disbelief regularly. If a woman isn't disheveled, or a woman isn't reacting the way the police officer thinks she should, disbelief. If she knew the attacker, disbelief. And there are plenty of people who blame the woman still, for putting herself at risk.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:11 AM
 
42,732 posts, read 29,874,717 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ryanst530 View Post
Fine, don't report it, but then don't be upset when the courts have a hard time believing you.

The inflexibility of people here is astounding... why is it okay for women to wait indefinitely before notifying someone, but it's not okay for the courts to be skeptical of women who have absolutely no evidence?

How on earth is that right??
What is evidence of rape? Semen and DNA are evidence of sex. Proving that it was non-consensual has always been an uphill battle, which is why rape and sexual assault or so under-reported.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:27 AM
 
28,122 posts, read 12,594,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge View Post
It hasn't changed as much as you think. Just read this thread. You have a guy on here asserting that if a girl has drinks with a guy that she is giving consent. And women who step up and report it have to deal with disbelief regularly. If a woman isn't disheveled, or a woman isn't reacting the way the police officer thinks she should, disbelief. If she knew the attacker, disbelief. And there are plenty of people who blame the woman still, for putting herself at risk.
Juries STILL factor things in like how a woman was dressed, what part of town she was in, the time, etc. My exwife was in a jury many years ago that involved a sexual assault, she said there were quite a few jurors that factored in how the girl was dressed and the particular club this happened. My exwife did not let this effect her decision though, but it didnt matter in the end.

It may not be PC or right, but it DOES still happen, so I dont think that is going to change anytime soon, juries are made up of different people...people are all different, there is no way around this without changing the entire justice system into something it was not meant to be.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:29 AM
 
6,790 posts, read 8,198,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevinm View Post
We are now told that women are equal to men. Suck it up and report or keep your mouth shut and treat it like a man would who was mugged for their iPhone.
Ignoring the fact that comparing a highly violating, physical assault to stealing an iPhone is asinine, there is no requirement that stealing an iPhone be reported within a short time frame. Like all other crimes, there is a statute of limitations and one can report anywhere within that time frame.

You should also realize that sexual assault happens to men too, the perpetrators may be male or female. Many delay even longer than women or never report due to trauma, embarrassment, and fear of how they will be perceived. Putting some arbitrary time limit other than statute of limitations would be treating sexual assault differrent than any other crime.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:46 AM
 
19,632 posts, read 12,222,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge View Post
It hasn't changed as much as you think. Just read this thread. You have a guy on here asserting that if a girl has drinks with a guy that she is giving consent. And women who step up and report it have to deal with disbelief regularly. If a woman isn't disheveled, or a woman isn't reacting the way the police officer thinks she should, disbelief. If she knew the attacker, disbelief. And there are plenty of people who blame the woman still, for putting herself at risk.
It seems to be the same few posters, not representative of the majority. Still, I would advise to look and behave like a victim when reporting it- because you are a victim.. It is not only rape, but any crime, if you seem to react "wrong" as a perp or victim you are suspect. Why would anyone who was raped not look disheveled at the least anyway. It is not true that it is denied if they know the attacker. It is common knowledge most attacks are by people known to the victim. But the longer you wait, the more evidence is lost.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Middle of nowhere
24,260 posts, read 14,205,611 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
That's true but in 2018, women should feel confident to report, and do it as soon as possible.
Should, yes. But that isn't what happens in reality. Remember the Brock Turner case? She was drug over the coals even though she was rescued by two people passing by. Questions like what was she wearing, why was she at the party, why did she drink, why didn't she have a friend with her? And he ended up getting out of jail in a matter of months.

She gets sexually assaulted, taken to a hospital where they comb over her entire body inside and out, has pine needles and dirt removed from inside her, questioned by police, questioned in court, and he gets a few months because it could ruin his charmed life if he were to serve any real time.

THIS is the reality for a woman reporting a sexual assault or rape.
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Old 10-01-2018, 09:59 AM
 
19,632 posts, read 12,222,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge View Post
What is evidence of rape? Semen and DNA are evidence of sex. Proving that it was non-consensual has always been an uphill battle, which is why rape and sexual assault or so under-reported.
The defense is going to play dirty. Women can keep being victims or take control of the situation. The rapist will blame the victim, and the lawyer will pull all dirty tricks to humiliate the victim. It makes it a lot harder for them if you show up with evidence of more than "having sex". Even minor injuries that show physical assault or a struggle go a long way in proving one's case.
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Old 10-01-2018, 10:02 AM
 
6,790 posts, read 8,198,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge View Post
This shows how clueless you are. Rape is not being beat up. It's much worse.
I don't fully agree with that, it can be worse, but I wouldn't discount being beat up. Any violation of one's physical person is traumatizing if one feels a lack of control in the situation. If it's an uneven fight where a man loses control physically, I would imagine a similar feeling. A lot of men don't like to think of being traumatized but the body doesn't care what gender we are, assault deeply affects anyone, it's cellular. Even something like surgery has some effect. The issue with rape is that it's a physical violation combined with all the complications of the sexual motive. That tends to make it much worse for many. I was sexually assaulted but much of the trauma was the lack of physical control involved with being held down against my will, not the touching itself. For me, the physical touching was not as big of an issue, I depersonlized it, but when I care about someone I allow it to be personal. To me, that feels like a choice. That's just me though, another victim may feel very differently and I respect that.

Being held down is what affected me the most. Decades later, I can get "freaked out" if I feel trapped. An example is my bf is hugging me on the couch, I can't tolerate it if he's in front of me and I feel trapped between him and the couch back. I fully trust him, I just need to be able to move past someone easily. I have a narrow bathroom and if one person walks in while I'm already in there at the sink, I get upset because I can't easily move past them to get out. That can be anyone, my bf or a friend. That's always been my issue. I have a hard time with planes because I'm physically trapped in there. I have to have an aisle seat to be comfortable and I hate it when the cart blocks me. Sexually, I have no issue. I've never conflated consensual touching with assault, thank God, I imagine that would be very hard to live with. As long as I have space to move, I'm fine.

As far as reporting goes, it probably depends. Sexual assault carries more stigma and blame, it makes people uncomfortable and that's always difficult. If a victim feels conficted about any sexual component it's going to be more difficult. If a man feels weak by reporting an assault that would probably be very difficult as well. Our bodies have meaning for us, any assault of them will be personal. It's important to give people "credit" for feeling trauma even if it doesn't seem that bad to us personally.

Last edited by detshen; 10-01-2018 at 10:21 AM..
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Old 10-01-2018, 10:07 AM
 
19,632 posts, read 12,222,208 times
Reputation: 26428
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjrose View Post
Should, yes. But that isn't what happens in reality. Remember the Brock Turner case? She was drug over the coals even though she was rescued by two people passing by. Questions like what was she wearing, why was she at the party, why did she drink, why didn't she have a friend with her? And he ended up getting out of jail in a matter of months.

She gets sexually assaulted, taken to a hospital where they comb over her entire body inside and out, has pine needles and dirt removed from inside her, questioned by police, questioned in court, and he gets a few months because it could ruin his charmed life if he were to serve any real time.

THIS is the reality for a woman reporting a sexual assault or rape.
There was a lot of outcry over that. The judge was recalled -the first time in something like 80 years this has happened. So the public has had enough of that. It is getting better and victims need to report.
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Old 10-01-2018, 10:08 AM
 
42,732 posts, read 29,874,717 times
Reputation: 14345
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
The defense is going to play dirty. Women can keep being victims or take control of the situation. The rapist will blame the victim, and the lawyer will pull all dirty tricks to humiliate the victim. It makes it a lot harder for them if you show up with evidence of more than "having sex". Even minor injuries that show physical assault or a struggle go a long way in proving one's case.
That's why women don't report it. Many times there aren't injuries, or the injuries are bruising or tears in the pelvic area. When you've just been traumatically raped, getting those minor injuries documented can be excruciatingly humiliating. And minor injuries can be explained away. "She told me she likes it hard and fast." "She said she liked to be dominated, hard." "We were both rough, I've got bruises, too. She never told me to stop."
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