Marriage and child well being (ethic, soldier, statistics, racist)
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A love marriage is a relatively new concept across human history. Any studies on the outcomes of children of arranged marriages vs love marriages? Or of those being raised in a commune?
That is a fair point. As I pointed out, however, there used to be finishing schools and rites of passages to prepare young people to adults. The burden was not on the parent to groom the kids...but the whole village or community. We have lost that along the way.
You are thinking shallow, in my opinion. If a man or women does not want to be with you, in marriage, maybe that something that prevents them wanting to marry you also makes one not a good parent. For example, say if a person is abusive and selfish to the degree that no one wants to marry them or stay married to them. The result is the person not being married. However, that same abuse and selfishness gets practiced on the children by that parent....and that results in the children turning out bad. Ergo, its not the fact that the person was a single parent that resulted in the kids going bad, BOTH the kids going bad and not being married are both a consequence of the persons selfish abusive nature. Now....that is what seems like common sense to me. It's not being a single parent.....but rather.....being a bad person.
You are being a bit myopic.
Yes I agree that bad people can make bad spouses and bad parents, which leads to what you say. I didn't say anything that would contradict that.
However, even single parents due to death of a loving person or a loving parent being gone long-term for work puts the same constraints on a kid as deadbeat dad kids have....it increases the odds that they have negative life outcomes.
There is so much to parenting like love and instilling a good culture, but part of parenting is simply being there.
You honestly don't think that more parental love, supervision, and guidance is a good thing in a kid's life?
Yes I agree that bad people can make bad spouses and bad parents. I didn't say anything that would contradict that.
However, even single parents due to death of a loving person or a loving parent being gone long-term for work puts the same constraints on a kid as deadbeat dad kids have....it increases the odds that they have negative life outcomes.
There is so much to parenting like love and instilling a good culture, but part of parenting is simply being there.
People who love and practice and believe in traditional culture.....tend to get married. What I am trying to point out to you is that a good marriage, in this country, and marriage in general, are the consequence of high functioning people, in regards to education, values, culture, etc. The marriage does not produce high functioning people....IT REFLECTS it. These people, as single parents, would not likely produce dysfunctional children. However, but because they are highly functional, they tend to get married.
On the other hand, higher dysfunctional people tend to get married less. When they have kids, the kids learn to be dysfunctional from the parent. Its not the fact that they are single.....they are single because they are dysfunctional and their kids become dysfunctional because the parent is. Marriage cannot reconcile this because a highly functional person does not want to marry a highly dysfunctional person and if they did the result would be a high conflict marriage, as the study pointed out, which is not better than a single parent home.
A healthy marriage is a SYMPTOM of functionality in individuals. A lack of marriage is a SYMPTOM of dysfunction in individuals. Thus, the issue are the forces creating functionality and dysfunctional in individuals that manifest in the SYMPTOM of marriage....or the lack there of. This is why in the black community the REAL issue is not marriage....but what has created dysfunction among so many black individuals to the degree that it has reduced the rate of married households.
Said another way. Hypothetically, if most dysfunctional people got married while most highly functional people tended to not get married, among which group would people in prison come from the most, assuming children from both groups as the supply source?
Last edited by Indentured Servant; 01-18-2019 at 11:33 AM..
I would almost venture to say that toxic marriages are almost worse than single parenthood.
What kind of things are the kids being taught when they witness their primary role models being nasty to one another, using unhealthy coping mechanisms, cheating, or even being violent to each other? And perhaps even taking out their anger and resentment on the kid?
No way. In that case, the parents need to peacefully separate.
I would almost venture to say that toxic marriages are almost worse than single parenthood.
What kind of things are the kids being taught when they witness their primary role models being nasty to one another, using unhealthy coping mechanisms, cheating, or even being violent to each other? And perhaps even taking out their anger and resentment on the kid?
No way. In that case, the parents need to peacefully separate.
True...and many people who have children from an intimate relationship......KNOW that to get married would create a TOXIC marriage....and they choose not to get married.
That is a fair point. As I pointed out, however, there used to be finishing schools and rites of passages to prepare young people to adults. The burden was not on the parent to groom the kids...but the whole village or community. We have lost that along the way.
That is a fair point. As I pointed out, however, there used to be finishing schools and rites of passages to prepare young people to adults. The burden was not on the parent to groom the kids...but the whole village or community. We have lost that along the way.
We have? Or was the evolution of that what brought about our K-20 schooling system?
So let me understand. Because certain tribes in Africa conduct an annual "rite of passage" similar to a boy scout gathering "we" had a society that groomed children collectively taking the burden of parenting from the shoulders of the actual parents but we have lost that.
So let me understand. Because certain tribes in Africa conduct an annual "rite of passage" similar to a boy scout gathering "we" had a society that groomed children collectively taking the burden of parenting from the shoulders of the actual parents but we have lost that.
This was widespread tradition in Africa....not just one tribe. The village groomed boys to be "men" and girls to be "women" through the collective of the village. African society was not about individualism and going it alone.
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