Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlzrl
So I have a question. I used to be friends with a black man at job I once had. He was 20 years older than me and we would go to lunch sometimes with a group of coworkers. He had two kids that were around early 20's. He used to tell me that he told them no matter what you do, you may not make it because you are black. They were all educated as was he. My feeling was, he was teaching them to hate white people. He disagreed. We argued over it. But we were still friends. We could have those discussions back then and still be friends. But do you think he did a good thing or a bad thing by telling his kids that?
|
I hear variants of this a lot, actually. Sometimes it's from parents to children, or an educator to a student. The idea of White Privilege is often spoken of as a insurmountable challenge.
Have you ever heard of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)? Amenclinics.com describes them in these categories:
FORTUNE TELLING
This is the ANT of almost anyone who has a panic disorder. They are masterful at predicting the worst, even though they don’t have any evidence.
MIND READING
Where you arbitrarily believe that you know what someone else is thinking, even though they didn’t tell you. Many people do this, and more often than not it gets them into trouble. It’s a major reason why people have trouble in relationships.
GUILT BEATINGS
Thinking with words like should, must, ought and have to. The words we use to talk to ourselves are very important. Guilt is not a very good motivator for change. Telling yourself “I should go see my grandmother” rather than “I want to spend time with my grandmother” only serves to make you feel negative.
BLAME
Whenever you blame someone else for the problems in your life, you are a victim and you can’t do anything to change it. Many of us play the blame game, but it rarely helps us. Stay away from blaming thoughts and take personal responsibility for changing the problems you have.
LABELING
Calling yourself or someone else a derogatory name. This diminishes your ability to see situations clearly and labels are very harmful.
Telling someone with darker skin that they may not succeed because of their skin color will likely lead them to be subject to fortune telling, mind reading, and blame ANTs. Negative thoughts actually release chemicals in the body that make you physically feel poorly. On the flip side, positive thoughts release chemicals that help the body and mind.
Discussions of race relations are important for every parent to have with their child. There are racists out there. If there is anything a person could possibly discriminate against another over, someone is going to use that excuse. Race is an easy target. But the discussion can be framed in such a way as to empower the child to strive for success.
Given which thread you chose to pose this question in, I'm going to go a step further.
I was not there and don't know what else your coworker said, or how he made his initial statement, but based on how you presented it, I don't think what he said should be classified as racist. Not because black people can't be racist, of course they can. Rather, partially because it has been true in the past. I mean, right after the Civil War, there were about a dozen black U.S. Congressmen from the Confederate states, but most died penniless in obscurity because the Klu Klux Klan took over. Partially because studies have shown that blacks, black men especially, have more trouble getting a job or buying a car than other groups. That holds true regardless of qualifications, criminal background, or income.
That said, telling his kids the "no matter what" portion is unnecessarily fatalistic and discouraging, since blacks have succeeded in this country. Barack Obama was president. Condoleezza Rice was Secretary of State.
Thoughts?