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Location: Somewhere gray and damp, close to the West Coast
20,955 posts, read 5,546,892 times
Reputation: 8559
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer
A woman has to provide some kind of evidence that she was raped and the evidence has to be from the time it allegedly happened. Coming forward years or decades later without any evidence is as good as the rape never having happened.
And a woman who falsely accuses a man of a rape needs to serve prison time.
Liberal here. I must admit that I have never been a fan of women coming forward with their stories decades after the alleged rape, sexual assault, groping, etc. I didn't like it when women came forward against Trump after decades. I didn't like it when they came forward against Kavanaugh after decades. And now, I don't like it when they come forward against Biden after decades.
Why wait decades?
Personal story. Years ago, as an engineering manager I was given a few fresh-out-of-college young engineers to train. A couple of guys and a couple of women. One of the women started avoiding me like the plague. I didn't think much of it until someone told me she was accusing me of hitting on her. That was also the day I showed everyone in the office a picture of my husband (I'm male). Came out in the office on that day. The end.
What if one day I decide to run for political office some 20 years later and she comes forward with her story? Would I, a very gay male, be subjected to the same scrutiny?
I'm not saying that these accusations aren't true. I don't know their situations, so I'm not going to say they are false accusations. But I just find it odd that these women waited literally decades to come out and say something.
Can we please as a society promote the idea that if you were raped, assaulted, groped, looked at creepily, or whatever else that you come forward right away? File a police report. Write it down and save the notes. Anything.
The problem is they allow it to happen and then "regret it" later.
So in the time they are into it, don't say no or anything. Afterwards, they have time to reflect, decide that the guy isn't their type, feel disgusted and then feel bad about it.
The problem is that they should say no as soon as something happens. Also some people lie about rape and sexual harassment. I would say its 90/10. There needs to be consequences for those that lie because they not only destroy that person's reputation, but their career as well.
Personal story. Years ago, as an engineering manager I was given a few fresh-out-of-college young engineers to train. A couple of guys and a couple of women. One of the women started avoiding me like the plague. I didn't think much of it until someone told me she was accusing me of hitting on her. That was also the day I showed everyone in the office a picture of my husband (I'm male). Came out in the office on that day. The end.
Some people are differently twisted. I mean totally whacked.
Those people interpret your acknowledgement of their existence as you're in love with them.
That's how totally whacked they are.
Others are manipulators. That's what they do, manipulate people to their own advantage and they'll concoct a variety of schemes to do that.
I've always encouraged clients to use psychological testing to weed out people like that. Sure, they're expensive, but if you save money tracking down and exposing an embezzler, or defending against a bogus sexual harassment, sexual or racial discrimination claim, or you hired a moron who loves to sexually or racially harass and discriminate and you end up in court because of that moron, or someone who'll fake an injury and drain your worker's comp account, it's worth it.
$235 for a test, or $235,000 plus attorney fees to settle a false claim, or $2.5 Million plus attorney fees to settle a real claim or $800,000 in worker's comp? It's a no-brainer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetroWord
What if one day I decide to run for political office some 20 years later and she comes forward with her story? Would I, a very gay male, be subjected to the same scrutiny?
Yes, because they'll claim you're a latent bi-sexual. I would hate to think how much it would cost for you to track down and interview every woman you ever met, because that's pretty much what you'd have to to do.
The problem is they allow it to happen and then "regret it" later.
So in the time they are into it, don't say no or anything. Afterwards, they have time to reflect, decide that the guy isn't their type, feel disgusted and then feel bad about it.
The problem is that they should say no as soon as something happens. Also some people lie about rape and sexual harassment. I would say its 90/10. There needs to be consequences for those that lie because they not only destroy that person's reputation, but their career as well.
Status:
"Smartened up and walked away!"
(set 28 days ago)
11,792 posts, read 5,798,330 times
Reputation: 14221
Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge
Your perspective is still a male perspective, regardless of your sexual orientation. Women don't come forward because society blames them. They don't come forward because they blame themselves. They don't come forward because they feel ashamed. They don't come forward because they don't want anyone to know what happened. They don't come forward because it impacts every aspect of their lives. People see them differently. They don't come forward because they are afraid of reprisals. They don't come forward because they don't want to face their rapist in court, they don't want authorities questioning them, they don't want their past sexual history to become an issue.
There's a tremendous amount of pressure to stay silent, and most women do.
Some women feel empowered by the metoo movement, and feel like they have an obligation to speak out, even decades later.
Quit making excuses because he's a male. I'm female and abhor all these women coming back 10,20,30 after the fact. Sorry there is no reason to wait until someone is rich or powerful. I've had 2 instances in my life where I was sexually harassed and one where I said no and he didn't listen. My time to speak up was then - not 10, 20 yrs down the road.
And yes we'll also probably disagree that I believe women need to be responsible and not put themselves in certain situations that may lead to them getting manhandled or raped.
And yes we'll also probably disagree that I believe women need to be responsible and not put themselves in certain situations that may lead to them getting manhandled or raped.
The term I use for that is contributory negligence. Sure, the guy that you (the general "you," not the poster I'm quoting) just met at a bar, and then went back to his apartment with while you were sloshed out of your mind, shouldn't have raped you. That's on him, and he's 100 percent at fault for the actual rape. But your own blatant irresponsibility set the stage that made the assault possible.
Why did so many boys wait decades to report talk about what the priest did? The baseball coach? Name the male authority figure.
1 word. Shame.
Then who will the public believe. Little Tommy or Father Joseph, pillar of the community?
Victims tend to blame themselves first. Second guessing their own actions.
Let's talk abuse in general. How many wives report their abusive spouses?
How many children report their parents?
Why not? Shame. They blame themselves.
Now I don't believe every allegation is true. I know that not every true allegation can be proven.
I know a person who was horribly abused as a child. The neighbors knew what was going on and ignored it. Now why would that person ever believe that the police would believe him? His teachers didn't.
Look what happened to Bill Clinton's accusers.....
That's why people don't come forward. It hurt bad enough when they were being abused, they carry that shame with them. Who wants to add public shaming to it?
I believe this 100%. The very best we can do is just evaluate each case on it's own merits.
There is no ONE good answer that fits every situation.
I raised a little boy - the thought of a priest abusing him and threatening him to silence - ENRAGES me to no end. Should there be a statute of limitations on that?
I don't know.
These are very hard questions.
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