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There might be like let's say 10% impact of what parents are teaching, but it is more about what the world is teaching, though some stuff has improved.
I will just talk about my own personal experiences, I am also a dark skinned black woman, and this reflects reality for someone of my age group.
Here are some examples of white supremacy that can shape why a person will get this underlying message of black is bad, and colorism is very very relevant as well.
1. when we say "nude" that implies some sort of beige color that is closer to the average white person than the average black person. This is seen as the default shade - from bandaids to bras to pantyhose. It is still pretty difficult to find nude lingerie in my shade. And I have never seen a "nude" bandaid that matches me.
2. mainstream TV shows were full of white people when I was a kid, there were very very few shows with black people. And I can't recall a kids book I read with a main character that was black. All the default books were stories of white kids. Because white kids were deemed as the "normal" kids. Same with TV shows. You had to specifically seek out media with non- white people. 3. When I was younger, and I needed to get hair products, we had to make a special trip to the black neighborhood. Because the Target/Kmart/Drugstore had zero products for my hair. This is somewhat improved now, as most stores carry things, but typically in an "ethnic" section. Not the "regular" section - which is for people with straight hair, not my delicate oily hair. But this wasn't possible for most of my life. If I went to a "white" neighborhood or city there would be no haircare products for me. If I go to a hotel today, I better bring my own hair stuff because there will be nothing for me. 4. Even today, I can hardly find a shade of makeup that matches me. Maybe 20% of brands will have something that works for me, and it is certainly not at every drug store or Target. I wanted to get BB/CC cream when they came out, nothing was available for me until 4 years after the trend launched.
6. Black female celebrities - in all spaces - tend to be lighter like Beyonce and not darker like viola Davis (this is improving somewhat in the past 5 years). This is not related to talent, but because of both internalized racism, and the way "Hollywood" works. Darker women get to be druggies, prostitutes or sassy friends. Not love interests and stars and main characters. Now you may not have noticed this, because maybe you think "black is black" but look around to see what actresses get the most hype, what singers get the most hype, and which people play the most lead characters. It is rarely someone of Viola Davis's shade!
7. Let's talk about interracial relationships. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that "mixed kids are the cutest!" Because we have decided lighter is better in our society.
So here you go, all this stuff adds up to tell you white (or closer to white) is better. And it isn't because your parents said so, it is because society did.
This is where it's a parent or parents job to tell the young lady to get over herself. There are more important things to worry about than such nonsense.
These are exceptions not what typically happens. Yes there are some areas/situations where I will be assumed to be the most credible person in the room, but that isn't most of them.
What it seems that you are misunderstanding, is that privlege doesn't mean that you will never have any problems or challenges. It is that area in which you are privileged won't be the reason. And there are other forms of privilege - it is layered - and in some situations other "privilege" may be more beneficial than others. Class privilege, gender privilege, ability, and so on.
Sounds to me you are just looking for someone to blame. Seems to me you WANT to be in victim mode. Such is life.
I think it is really hard to see that white privlege isn't so much as you get complete and obvious advantages - like a cookie. It is more like instant credibility that not everyone receives.
White people are generally presumed to be credible, qualified, and innocent until there is evidence to the contrary. Black people are generally assumed to be uncredible, non-qualified, and guilty until proven otherwise. This invisible cloak can make a big impact in the outcomes of your life.
Obviously you can somewhat impact these perceptions, but it is a lot harder to come up from skepticism than it is to fall from grace. Starting with with positive assumptions leads to more second chances.
Not really...if i am walking alone and see a well dressed black man (like polo shirt/khakis, or shirt and tie, clean cut), and a white gang banger wanna be type, i would trust the black guy more. It is less about skin color than appearance. Same thing if hiring someone for a job. Clean cut, well spoken beats out thug looking, poorly dressed tatted up person.
In fact, when I took over the Jaguar car dealership here, the first salesman I hired from the pool of salespeople at the ford store next door (owned by same person) was a 35 yr old black man. He dressed well, spoke well, was fantastic with customers, showed up on time. I found out later on that HE was hesitant about coming over because luxury stores have more down time so employees tend to talk to each other. His concern was "What am I gonna have to talk about with this white lady". We got along great, and our conversations are some of my fondest memories there. He used to bless my office, and jokingly call me a heathen. Used to ask for a woman's point of view about things going on in his marriage. He sold a lot of cars and we enjoyed working together.
That's simply not true. If the dos and don't of life including self-worth are learned inside the home at an early age a child's foundation will be infinitely stronger.
I think you are underestimating the negative experiences that happen outside of the home. Black parents need to work super hard to overcome the overwhelming amount of negative messaging and signals out in the real world.
I have shared only a tiny set of observations the have happened in my own life. And these are minor ones.
I think that is a terrible analogy. Different races are not different species. I would agree that its not natural to be sexually attracted to something that one cannot reproduce in whole. If a person is sexuality attracted to someone because of RACE, primarily, that person has a mental problem. If you go out looking to date a different race than your own...thinking its "better" or something....that is a problem.
I don't know. Some folks find other races attractive. I know that I do. It isn't that I don't feel white women aren't attractive, many are. You show me a strong, secure, black woman and Ill show you beautiful. I think Asian women are the most feminine, I may be biased because of my wife and daughters. White women? Many are beautiful and strong and secure. I don't disqualify simply because of race. It's a package deal.
Society is great for generating stereotypes. Behind every stereotype is a grain of truth.
Helicopter mothers. What first comes to mind? Me? Asian, then white. My wife was tough with our kids, especially our daughters.
Moms who think they are their daughter's best friend? White. No maybe to it. It never goes away. You Marry a white girl and you married her mother too. LOL
Worst woman to have mad at you? Black woman. Legend has it that they can kill with a glare and only black women have that glare down pat...
I know guys that go crazy over big girls, race isn't a qualifier. The bigger the better. Im not judging, just not my taste. I also know guys that make ugly look great who think they only rate 10's. Go figure.
My point is that taste in women is just that, taste.
I literally fell for my wife within a minute of meeting her. That's the truth. 36 years later and going strong. It took a little longer for her. LOL
Not really...if i am walking alone and see a well dressed black man (like polo shirt/khakis, or shirt and tie, clean cut), and a white gang banger wanna be type, i would trust the black guy more. It is less about skin color than appearance. Same thing if hiring someone for a job. Clean cut, well spoken beats out thug looking, poorly dressed tatted up person.
In fact, when I took over the Jaguar car dealership here, the first salesman I hired from the pool of salespeople at the ford store next door (owned by same person) was a 35 yr old black man. He dressed well, spoke well, was fantastic with customers, showed up on time. I found out later on that HE was hesitant about coming over because luxury stores have more down time so employees tend to talk to each other. His concern was "What am I gonna have to talk about with this white lady". We got along great, and our conversations are some of my fondest memories there. He used to bless my office, and jokingly call me a heathen. Used to ask for a woman's point of view about things going on in his marriage. He sold a lot of cars and we enjoyed working together.
You are acting like these are absolutes here. If you have two well dressed individuals - assumptions are very different.
And here is the question - why did you feel compelled to remember this "well dressed, well spoken" salesperson as the black guy who was like this. That is the bare minimum for the job, you hired him because he represented what you are looking for. You don't get a special price because you hired a qualified Black guy. That is the minimum bar.
I have personally found that despite my appearance on a given day, I can be treated poorly for no apparent reason, and see other people who are not well dressed and polite who are treated very differently - friendly and accommodating but the same salesperson who ignored me 2 minutes earlier. Sterotyping and assumptions are real, and being well-dressed and well-spoken doesn't guarantee you'll be treated well.
I think you are underestimating the negative experiences that happen outside of the home. Black parents need to work super hard to overcome the overwhelming amount of negative messaging and signals out in the real world.
I have shared only a tiny set of observations the have happened in my own life. And these are minor ones.
You are wrong. A positive self-worth developed in the home at an early age is a foundation which cutting remarks or negative messaging will be hard to crack.
When I was around 5 or 6 my mother told me one day when she was driving I was good looking. She said that out of the blue while I was seated next to her in the car.
Now, I'm not sure how others saw me and I might have been laughed at a few times which I certainly didn't like.
Mr. Brody. A few things. I see that you boast about having made a nice life for yourself. And that is FANTASTIC! Kudos to you for making it through. You should be applauded for navigating the gauntlet that is American racism and discrimination. I believe you have navigated it so well as to almost believe that is ceases to exist.
Even you Mr. Body, were more than likely the victim, no, recipient of racial bias or discrimination without you knowing. There is a good chance that you probably would have received even better interest rates, got a higher raise, been promoted faster, or if you own your own business, probably more customers, better prices on goods and services, etc. Unless you're GOD, there's no way to know for sure that racism or discrimination didn't hold you back from YOUR full potential. So, I find it difficult to accept the fact because you made it, that somehow those who didn't are the cause of their own station in life. Especially when there are mountains of evidence that racism and discrimination is the cause of inequality in this country. Unless you are self-loathing in believing that white people are inherently better than you in everything.
Unbelievable that you try to convince a successful American man that he was a victim of discrimination without even knowing it. Does he not seem intelligent enough (to you) to make his well-supported assessment? Or is it that his story does not fit your narrative so he has to be wrong?
If blacks were 70% of the population in America and whites were 13% do you think whites would be treated fairly?
Take a look at South Africa. Blacks were given control of the country and recently the black government has declared "open season" on white farmers. Soon S. Africa will likely become a food importer as the white people flee. When the entire country is black, will life suddenly become better for it's inhabitants? The evidence says no. It will descend further into murder and chaos and become a failed state. Zimbabwe is a good example.
If this happened in America would blacks then be better off?
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