Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In the case of your friend, maybe he heard the relatively recent survey that 4 of 10 of Trump voters think violence against Democrats may be necessary and blew it out of proportion (because I assume you are not one of those people).
That anyone that thinks violence against someone based on their political views is appalling
You and David are doing what friends do when one decides to put some distance between each other. You were a good friend reaching out to him and you did well to start with a text and then move it up to the more personal phone call. (A lot of people give up at texting if they didn't get the response they wanted.) He was a good friend keeping some form of communication open along with a reason for the distancing. His reason may not seem deep enough for you but at least he has one and shared it.
Though he has reevaluated his friendship with you, which I welcome with all of my friends so that they may develop as people, there is a lot to be thankful for while going through this bumpy process. Sometimes our acceptance of these changes is the reason for lasting friendships.
One of the reasons why this situation bothered me is that I rearranged plans for the dinner the night before his wife's passing, the Shiva for his wife (not to mention his two parents a few years earlier), and being drafted as a notary on a few occasions. These are concrete occasions where I have sacrificed. He even called back in February to commiserate about needing to put his Goldendoodle down. This was, of course, after the election. I am a friend when someone is in need of a friend; I don't like ingrates. In other words I don't enjoy friends who are there when they need you.
I can be friends with someone who has different politics. I cannot be friends with someone who supports a man whose words and actions disgust me.
It's supporting racism, sexism, misogyny and cruel bullying that would cause me to back away from a friendship. If not totally cutting off all contact, it would be keeping such contact to a minimum.
One of the reasons why this situation bothered me is that I rearranged plans for the dinner the night before his wife's passing, the Shiva for his wife (not to mention his two parents a few years earlier), and being drafted as a notary on a few occasions. These are concrete occasions where I have sacrificed. He even called back in February to commiserate about needing to put his Goldendoodle down. This was, of course, after the election. I am a friend when someone is in need of a friend; I don't like ingrates. In other words I don't enjoy friends who are there when they need you.
Sacrifice seems an odd choice of word. I’ve never once considered doing things for friends as a sacrifice of course you’d rearrange plans to be there for a friend whose wife is dying, that’s what good friends do.
If your relationship has never been reciprocal then this isn’t really about politics.
Getting back to the original question: "should political differences shred a friendship?" my answer would be No, they shouldn't. BUT (and its a big BUT) how the people in the friendship behave based on those differences is another matter. That's where the disrespect, arrogance, ignorance, deliberate blindness, and intolerance rush in. Doesn't matter which political party you love/hate or which candidate. While its tempting to join in with those who couldn't resist name dropping as an excuse to haul out their agendas I refuse to do it. All politicians are trying to manipulate you and their rhetoric is intentionally divisive. If the people in the friendship refuse to acknowledge that reality and rise above it, the friendship is probably doomed...and not only because of politics.
Best post yet.
Not only is it politics (and particularly, divisive identity politics), but also corrosive social media, and COVID-isolation - all are straining long-held friendships.
I've released a few "friends" due to political matters, but it's not due to their voting. It's their loud and annoying shrill ways, day in and day out, that is "nails on chalkboards". It's a feverish obsessiveness, as though politics is the most important, and only important matter, in life.
Hey, Election Day is 1 day out of four years, not 1460 days of those four years. Get a life! Turn off the TV, radio, Internet, or whatever is feeding the warped mania.
People decades ago had a better balance and grip on things, but some now have gone insane.
Last edited by Thoreau424; 07-08-2021 at 05:48 PM..
Quite frankly, I have friends on all sides of the political spectrum. I've had spirited discussions, but never lost a friend over politics. To wit:
1) If you think your politics automatically makes you a person of value or that someone else's politics demonizes or devalues them, then you are a narcissist afflicted with preening self-righteousness with little appreciation of nuance.
2) If you've never heard a different political opinion with with an open mind, rather than simply looking for an opening into which to pour forth your rebuttal, you're not just a narcissist afflicted with preening self-righteousness, but you're also a terrible conversationalist. Politics is interesting some of the time. Politics all of the time makes you a terrific bore.
3) If you breathlessly hang on every word written or spoken by your favorite news source without perhaps listening to a different viewpoint or potentially see how the other side has a point, then you're consuming propaganda, not news. After all, Rachel Maddow is as much a lazy, worthless partisan hack as Rush Limbaugh ever was. And I despised Rush Limbaugh.
CNN, MSNBC, Fox, and the rest exist to stoke virtue signaling and little else. Their editorial positions are driven by business models, not actual belief systems. And so if you take what Sean Hannity or Ari Melber say seriously, then you have been duped.
In truth, take 99% of all political debate today and the truth typically lies in the middle. Both political parties are kind of dinosaurs that pay lip service to their outdate ideals and cater to a select clientele of which you're likely not a member. And if either political party had full control of the levers of power for more than a few years at a time, we'd have a bankrupt autocracy on our hands.
4) If the majority of your self-identity is based on how you vote on the 1st Tuesday of every other November, then you've got serious limitations as a person. If your self-identity is challenged by someone who might cancel out your vote, then you kind of have an atrophied little soul.
5) Politics should be about 5% of who you are, maybe less. A person is the sum total of the books he or she reads, the music that person hears, the kindness, the generosity, the sense of humor, and about a zillion other things that have nothing to do with how he or she votes. Instead, by reducing someone down to how they vote, you do the same thing to yourself, no matter how many lame rationalizations you toss out.
6) The other thing? You believe a lot of things that even your political heroes don't believe. I think it's hilarious that liberals thought Joe Biden was going to be the Great Progressive Hope when, truthfully, he is a middle-of-the-road centrist who has quietly expunged the left from the party. And it's equally hilarious that the conservatives thought that Joe Biden was the 21st Century's answer to Leon Trotsky have been disappointed that the president hasn't done anything all that enraging. So all they're left with is dumb culture war nonsense that's good for whipping up the rubes and no one else.
Here's an amazing idea. Next time you're with a person or a group of people, do everyone a kindness and avoid the subject of politics altogether. Talk about music, movies, books, the weather, their jobs, their kids, their funny stories, and everything else under the sun except what the bloodsuckers are doing in Washington.
If you can manage to not slap a label on someone, you might be surprised to find that they are people of value. Plus, when you don't make every dinner out with friends into a perpetual whinefest or a winner-take-all political debate, you might find yourself not being exhausted all the time. You might even make a few new friends along the way. You should definitely try it.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 07-08-2021 at 05:45 PM..
One of the reasons why this situation bothered me is that I rearranged plans for the dinner the night before his wife's passing, the Shiva for his wife (not to mention his two parents a few years earlier), and being drafted as a notary on a few occasions. These are concrete occasions where I have sacrificed. He even called back in February to commiserate about needing to put his Goldendoodle down. This was, of course, after the election. I am a friend when someone is in need of a friend; I don't like ingrates. In other words I don't enjoy friends who are there when they need you.
If an arrangement doesn't work for me, and of course I am referring to the notary occasions and not the tragic death of loved ones, I simply don't do it and accept the consequences. I am not afraid to tell somebody that I have other plans. It is very important to me that I don't feel resentment towards people I interact with and being used will lead to those feelings.
I also agree with Spuggy's post below.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
Sacrifice seems an odd choice of word. I’ve never once considered doing things for friends as a sacrifice of course you’d rearrange plans to be there for a friend whose wife is dying, that’s what good friends do.
If your relationship has never been reciprocal then this isn’t really about politics.
One of the reasons why this situation bothered me is that I rearranged plans for the dinner the night before his wife's passing, the Shiva for his wife (not to mention his two parents a few years earlier), and being drafted as a notary on a few occasions. These are concrete occasions where I have sacrificed. He even called back in February to commiserate about needing to put his Goldendoodle down. This was, of course, after the election. I am a friend when someone is in need of a friend; I don't like ingrates. In other words I don't enjoy friends who are there when they need you.
Maybe you should compose a thoughtful letter expressing your feelings about your friendship and what it means to you, and express that discussion of politics does not need to be a part of it.
If he is so wrapped up in it that, to him, one's politics precludes friendship, well that would be his loss, I suppose. I don't think anyone needs friends like that. But maybe a letter would be better than a phone call so that you can get your whole message, thoughtfully composed, to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoreau424
I've released a few "friends" due to political matters, but it's not due to their voting. It's their loud and annoying shrill ways, day in and day out, that is "nails on chalkboards". It's a feverish obsessiveness, as though politics is the most important, and only important matter, in life.
This. I may not like someone's political views, but personality itself, regardless of one's politics, is the dealbreaker. Some people are insufferable about politics regardless of my approval of their voting record.
It seems like it is mainly a fringe of wokes and MAGAs that can't help but to make their vitriol against their "enemies" the cornerstone of their personality. I can't remember what these people used to talk about.
This is true. I told a lunch partner, when he wanted to talk about the lib media bias, "I don't watch news on TV. And, haven't had cable in 11 years." I mentioned if I want to know what's going on in the world I can read. He challenged me on what sites I'm reading.
me: AP news, Reuters, to get an overview of what's going on in like 10 minutes.
lunch partner: Well they're biased too, ya know!
me: "Those are the main sources commonly used by many other media companies. I just need the gist of what's going on in the world, I don't want opEd and opinion pieces.
I mean, when someone is so triggered that boring AP News irks them, and they declare it "biased" I don't know what they want. This is someone who watches Fox News, reads Breitbart, and subscribes to a couple conservative religious podcasts. I don't care, and I'm not going to criticize them for their choices, but I'm not interested in politics, I don't follow it closely, and my life doesn't revolve around it and never has.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
