Opting for pets over children is selfish and 'takes away our humanity,' says Pope Francis (suspect, how much)
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For me it's just my personality and culture. Women are attracted to confident men and I'm naturally more passive and shy. They are more into novelty and new experiences... I'm thrifty, boring, responsible. With social media they've got a seemingly endless number of men to choose from that are more stimulating then I am at least until they break open my shell.
If one decides to initiate maybe I'll have a family, otherwise probably not. It is what it is. Don't hate our species for being genetically wired behave the way it behaves. I have a certain level of acceptance to the situation at this point.
I don't see how there could be a shortage of marriable men...a shortage of the ones with the type of playful and dominant personality that turn women on perhaps, but there are plenty of nice yet socially awkward men out there in the pool. This divide will continue unless women do more if the pursuing rather than waiting to be pursued. I myself am not weak, I just lack small talk ability and game. I could develop it, but it remains to be seen if I will or not. Truthfully I have little interest in what I dub as "testosterone induced escapades" and the sort of cocky behavior that goes along with being human...but that's what turns women on at a subconscious, instinctual level. Oh well. I could easily support a stay at home mother with a modest, middle class lifestyle. They have to want that though.
Don't pigeonhole yourself into a betabux position. If the attraction isn't there, don't even waste your time.
Pets are less likely to be sexually abused by the Catholic Church.
Although I would still keep any pets away from the Catholic Church, just in case, as they are not fussy.
Then you should also keep your pets away from public school teachers. I’m not a defender of the Catholic Church, but There is far more sexual abuse that happens in public schools than the Catholic Church. The media completely ignores this inconvenient fact.
I’m not a fan of the Catholic Church but I understand what he is saying. As someone who has decided not to have kids, I often wonder if that was the right choice and wonder if I missed out on a special part of being human. I have several reasons for not wanting children most of which are not selfish I don’t think, but I can understand what he is saying.
I'm going to be 36 this year. I remember the Great Recession. I also ran into some other issues during that time, ranging from being depressed alot to some physical health issues. By the time I graduated and got myself into a decent job (and not all at the same time), I wasn't in the mood to get married or have kids.
Now, I'm in my 30s and trying to make up for some of the stuff I missed out on. I don't have any incentive to have children. And some of the women left who are single, many aren't worth dating. I struggled at getting a woman when I was much younger. I got rejected. Eventually I stopped trying. Now I'm at a point where alot of women out there aren't worth marrying and having children with.
I don't have any pets either. It's enough work just taking care of me. The responsibility of a pet would be something I'm not in the mood for.
I feel your “pain”. It seems like the selection of viable candidates gets much smaller as we get older — especially if you’re closer to average. Once you’re 35+ it seems like you’re dealing with what little is left over…lots of people that are unstable, addicts (drugs/alcohol), jaded, divorced and/or already have children that you’d have to be willing to take on full force (some can indeed do this). Seems most of the down to earth “good ones” don’t remain on the market this long and for good reason. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it certainly seems to get more difficult. It may get easier once you’re 40+ and people tend to mature, kids are older and they are done with having more kids, competing with friends, etc.
I think the prime time to meet someone with hopes of possibly having a family is in your early-mid 20s. Those coming from somewhat secure/wealthy/supportive families have another leg up as far as this goes.
I feel your “pain”. It seems like the selection of viable candidates gets much smaller as we get older — especially if you’re closer to average. Once you’re 35+ it seems like you’re dealing with what little is left over…lots of people that are unstable, addicts (drugs/alcohol), jaded, divorced and/or already have children that you’d have to be willing to take on full force (some can indeed do this). Seems most of the down to earth “good ones” don’t remain on the market this long and for good reason. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it certainly seems to get more difficult. It may get easier once you’re 40+ and people tend to mature, kids are older and they are done with having more kids, competing with friends, etc.
I think the prime time to meet someone with hopes of possibly having a family is in your early-mid 20s. Those coming from somewhat secure/wealthy/supportive families have another leg up as far as this goes.
I was just giving some insight to why I'm in my mid 30s and a bachelor. And part of that insight.
The selection of viable candidates can get even smaller depending on what region you live in. I live in the southern USA. The average age of marriage down here is younger than in some regions. The South also has the highest divorce rates in the country. The South also leads the country in out of wedlock births.
Source: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/s.../unmarried.htm
I started to notice the pool of eligible women was dwindling fast by the time I was in my mid 20s. I gave it my best shot and kept getting turned down by women, or getting ghosted. By the time I was 30 the selection of eligible women had declined rapidly. And the thing is, I found that there weren't that many places I felt comfortable going to. I don't do most night clubs (too loud, too much of that "bro" element, too much stupidity). After a certain hour, the only women I frequently see are between ages 20 and 24. Around my age group, I'm really not seeing many single women in most places at all. Every time I go out, tend to see alot of couples. I also see many people together in packs. I'm more likely to run into single men than single women. Me being out by myself is normal to me.
And kids, I am not ready to take on children, much less someone else's children. I'm not at that point yet. I understand there is a chance that I'll run into that.
I was just giving some insight to why I'm in my mid 30s and a bachelor. And part of that insight.
The selection of viable candidates can get even smaller depending on what region you live in. I live in the southern USA. The average age of marriage down here is younger than in some regions. The South also has the highest divorce rates in the country. The South also leads the country in out of wedlock births.
Source: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/s.../unmarried.htm
I started to notice the pool of eligible women was dwindling fast by the time I was in my mid 20s. I gave it my best shot and kept getting turned down by women, or getting ghosted. By the time I was 30 the selection of eligible women had declined rapidly. And the thing is, I found that there weren't that many places I felt comfortable going to. I don't do most night clubs (too loud, too much of that "bro" element, too much stupidity). After a certain hour, the only women I frequently see are between ages 20 and 24. Around my age group, I'm really not seeing many single women in most places at all. Every time I go out, tend to see alot of couples. I also see many people together in packs. I'm more likely to run into single men than single women. Me being out by myself is normal to me.
And kids, I am not ready to take on children, much less someone else's children. I'm not at that point yet. I understand there is a chance that I'll run into that.
I’m the same way as far as going to the typical places people go to meet people (I’m in the south too). Some people might say I’ve always been an “old man”. I’ve been to a bar a few times (not very fun) but never a club…just seems like the last place I’d like to be (too loud and I kinda hate drunk people) and it seems like anyone I’d meet would likely want to do more clubbing/drinking.
My job over the years has mostly been done in solitude so not meeting any coworkers like many do. I go to church but the only thing they have is a group for young people under 25. I’ve been to the gym frequently but that definitely seems like a waste of time as far as meeting people. A lot of people in my small town have large social circles that date back to childhood/high school or they work around a lot of people which makes meeting someone easier…friends of friends. 30+ or 35+ just isn’t an easy time to meet people especially if you aren’t a extroverted bar fly. By this age (especially in the south), it seems like 90% of women have already did the marriage/kids thing…many of them multiple times by 35.
I also feel like being somewhat intelligent/rational/financially prudent, etc can be a hindrance as “dumber” people seem to have an easier go at meeting people on their level. In the south think along the lines of the typical burpin’, fartin’, beer drankin’, huntin’, big truck drivin’, country bros (no offense to anyone in particular).
I’m the same way as far as going to the typical places people go to meet people (I’m in the south too). Some people might say I’ve always been an “old man”. I’ve been to a bar a few times (not very fun) but never a club…just seems like the last place I’d like to be (too loud and I kinda hate drunk people) and it seems like anyone I’d meet would likely want to do more clubbing/drinking.
My job over the years has mostly been done in solitude so not meeting any coworkers like many do. I go to church but the only thing they have is a group for young people under 25. I’ve been to the gym frequently but that definitely seems like a waste of time as far as meeting people. A lot of people in my small town have large social circles that date back to childhood/high school or they work around a lot of people which makes meeting someone easier…friends of friends. 30+ or 35+ just isn’t an easy time to meet people especially if you aren’t a extroverted bar fly. By this age (especially in the south), it seems like 90% of women have already did the marriage/kids thing…many of them multiple times by 35.
I also feel like being somewhat intelligent/rational/financially prudent, etc can be a hindrance as “dumber” people seem to have an easier go at meeting people on their level. In the south think along the lines of the typical burpin’, fartin’, beer drankin’, huntin’, big truck drivin’, country bros (no offense to anyone in particular).
There are a few bars I've gone to where I live and a few other places. Even there I would rarely recommend it as a place to meet a woman. Just my experiences. Oddly enough, where I live, most of the women I've met at bars are already married. I'm not much a clubbing type these days. I had trouble with it back when I was in my 20s. I notice the easiest place for me to meet other people is at the coffee shop. Sadly, pretty much ALL of the coffee places close by 7pm.
The job I have, I meet people. Most of the time I'm in the office. However, where I work, the vast majority of the females who work there are married or in a relationship. Same goes with the men. Vast majority are married or in a relationship. I do get to meet people at work. I don't live in a small town. I live in a city of about 210,000 people. However, I run into people who seem to have large circles that date back to college (if not necessarily childhood). The city (and the state) I currently live in, I've only been living there for 2.5 years.
I'm not an extroverted bar fly. I've been to a few bars. I might talk to the bartender or the waiter. However, it's harder for me to talk to the person next to me, unless something comes up. I'll speak when spoken to. I don't mind speaking to the person next to me. However, I'm more likely to do that if I have something to talk about, or if there is something that happens to come up.
Where I live I'm not running into the "typical burpin’, fartin’, beer drankin’, huntin’, country bros ". I'm not in a small town. Plenty of big trucks though. I do run into many people who love drinking, who love football, who love clubbing. I notice that the people who love to drink, who love to talk about football (especially college football), they have the easiest time meeting each other.
Being rational and financially prudent are not necessarily a hindrance. Being book smart, however, that varies. It's hard to meet people when you can't relate to what other people are talking about. It's hard to meet people when people are listening to very loud music and drinking up a storm.
I was just giving some insight to why I'm in my mid 30s and a bachelor. And part of that insight.
The selection of viable candidates can get even smaller depending on what region you live in. I live in the southern USA. The average age of marriage down here is younger than in some regions. The South also has the highest divorce rates in the country. The South also leads the country in out of wedlock births.
Source: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/s.../unmarried.htm
I started to notice the pool of eligible women was dwindling fast by the time I was in my mid 20s. I gave it my best shot and kept getting turned down by women, or getting ghosted. By the time I was 30 the selection of eligible women had declined rapidly. And the thing is, I found that there weren't that many places I felt comfortable going to. I don't do most night clubs (too loud, too much of that "bro" element, too much stupidity). After a certain hour, the only women I frequently see are between ages 20 and 24. Around my age group, I'm really not seeing many single women in most places at all. Every time I go out, tend to see alot of couples. I also see many people together in packs. I'm more likely to run into single men than single women. Me being out by myself is normal to me.
And kids, I am not ready to take on children, much less someone else's children. I'm not at that point yet. I understand there is a chance that I'll run into that.
You mention bars and clubs. Are you not volunteering? Doing social activities around your hobbies? That's where I always found men to date. I would suggest your place of worship, but Christians in the South are going to have less luck past 30 there than I have in synagogues in New England just based on how the faiths value marriage. It would be *weird* to be married before 30 in my culture - both men and women are expected to be ambitious and have careers and other pursuits.
Hell, if a man does not spend some of his free time helping others then he's not an eligible bachelor in my book. Volunteering is a great way to meet people with values that match your own if you choose organizations and opportunities with that in mind.
As a woman, I never bothered with bars or clubs (other than my local breweries... but never in a singles sense) because the men who are attracted to that type of environment are not appealing. If you are looking for marriage, particularly if you are on the more serious side, why would you look there? That might be the right environment for some people, but not all.
Animals are far superior to humans. They don't mess you over, rip you off, or bite the hand that feeds them and give you unconditional love. And "Religious leaders" talking about being "selfish". Hypocrisy at its finest. These people demanding money to congregate in million dollar chuches to pass the collection plate. You can do that in barn. Why does it have to cost so much?
You mention bars and clubs. Are you not volunteering? Doing social activities around your hobbies? That's where I always found men to date. I would suggest your place of worship, but Christians in the South are going to have less luck past 30 there than I have in synagogues in New England just based on how the faiths value marriage. It would be *weird* to be married before 30 in my culture - both men and women are expected to be ambitious and have careers and other pursuits.
Hell, if a man does not spend some of his free time helping others then he's not an eligible bachelor in my book. Volunteering is a great way to meet people with values that match your own if you choose organizations and opportunities with that in mind.
As a woman, I never bothered with bars or clubs (other than my local breweries... but never in a singles sense) because the men who are attracted to that type of environment are not appealing. If you are looking for marriage, particularly if you are on the more serious side, why would you look there? That might be the right environment for some people, but not all.
I brought up bars and clubs to demonstrate something. Those are places where alot of people tend to gather and meet alot of people. I was setting out to prove that such places are not the best places to meet people. My point is that such places don't work for everyone.
I do quite a bit of hiking, and sometimes I will do it with a group. I haven't met any singles around my own age. However, it has given me opportunities to go hiking. I have done some volunteer work related to hiking. I have done some work with restoring trails.
As for this thread, this was about Pope Francis talking about people choosing having a pet over having children to be selfish. I never found the right woman. I was just talking about my own experiences. I mention that after a certain age, if you haven't found that right person, it gets harder.
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I could easily support a stay at home mother with a modest, middle class lifestyle. They have to want that though.
