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I remember many friends who had a laundry list of what they wanted from their partner. Then I get invited to their wedding and their partner meets almost no criteria on their pretend lists!
Love is irrational, emotional. Love also conquers all barriers (I feel) including racial. So if Black women fall in love with a white man they will date him no matter what anyone says. That goes for any match you can imagine.
So no use writing about people should do when they will follow their heart no matter what
Where are you meeting your friends. Seems like most of the women I'm around had a laundry list when they were younger that only got more unreasonable as they aged. The guy has to be 6 feet +, have 6 pack abs, make 6 figures, have a chiseled jaw line, be spiritual, emotionally mature and available, love pets, be masculine but super caring at the same time.
Look up Nikki McElroy. Look up the book A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men. She wrote it. One rule she mentions is "leave the angry Black woman attitude behind" when it comes to dating and marrying White men.
Are Black women with Black men because no one else wants them? For some it might be. For others, this is not the case. One particular fact I will mention is this. Black couples have the highest divorce rates in America. Black female/White male couples are actually less likely to get divorced than Black female/Black male couples.
Sadly, the Black population has been leading the country in divorce rates as far back as the 1940s and 50s. This is nothing new.
I think Nikki McElroy book says something about some Black people reserving their worst for each other. This is more concerning to me than interracial marriage. I don't have a problem with interracial marriage. People are going to fall in love with whoever they fall in love with. It My thing is this. If a Black woman is going to treat a White man with the utmost love and respect, she should do the same when being with a Black man. And the same goes for Black men dating outside of their race.
I don't think Black people who date outside of their race are doing so to escape each other. However, I do believe there are some issues involving lack of respect for one another.
And I will come out with it. I grew up having crushes on White females. However, I understand this. Dating outside of your race should be viewed as "it is what it is", not some big accomplishment, not "we've arrived". It should be treated like same-race relationships.
I'll have to give that book a read. You make good points. Coming up in my area, there was this belief amongst certain women to marry white men because black men can't act right. Well some took the plunge and ended up divorced anyway. It was never the men that were the problem. Doesn't matter the race. No self respecting decent man is going to put up with a bad attitude or lack of feminine character for long.
I grew up having crushes on many different boy/men. Tonto (a very handsome Native American man), Jimi (Hendrix, of course; who else?!!), Omar Sharif, Peter O'Toole, and the ultimate perfect man: Sidney Poitier.
I agree with your "big accomplishment" statement. Meghan Markle (who, curiously, claims to be black, even though her father is white and her mother is partially white) married into the whitest establishment family that exists -- even though her husband, to put it kindly, is not very bright, capable, or attractive. I guess she thinks she's "arrived," and I don't just mean the Windsor money.
I never got the Megan Markle thing either. People were celebrating the fact she bagged the 5th in line to the throne. I wouldn't say he isn't bright or capable. The guy flew helicopters in the military. Definitely have to be bright and capable for those types of operations.
I never got the Megan Markle thing either. People were celebrating the fact she bagged the 5th in line to the throne. I wouldn't say he isn't bright or capable. The guy flew helicopters in the military. Definitely have to be bright and capable for those types of operations.
Well, his brains seem to have disappeared since his marriage. He now acts and talks like a clueless dimwit in servitude to his wife.
At age 35, I've come to the conclusion that I struck out when I was younger. I was always considered the "friend",but never "boyfriend material". And most of the time, I was getting turned down by women, regardless of race. I never found that right woman when I was younger (age 19-22). At this point, I am at a point where I am not saying "never", but the likelihood is quite low. Most women close to my age are already married with kids (at least where I live). And those that aren't come with alot of baggage. Most already have kids and previous baby-daddy drama. I don't have kids, I'm not ready for kids yet, and I don't have any patience for drama.
And as someone who frequently goes to church, I have not found the right woman there. Most are already married. I hardly ever see any unmarried women in church in the first place.
I never got the Megan Markle thing either. People were celebrating the fact she bagged the 5th in line to the throne. I wouldn't say he isn't bright or capable. The guy flew helicopters in the military. Definitely have to be bright and capable for those types of operations.
I went to the UK myself last year. I saw more Black women with White men than I did in America. Black women who are visibly Black, not women who look like Markle. I never saw it as impressive that Megan Was bagged a royal. I didn't care. America had a Black First Lady. And Black American women had access to White men before Black American men could even think about being with White women.
On the flip side, I didn't see anything impressive about Kanye West landing one of the Kardashian sisters. Kim Kardashian just seems trashy to me. I'm actually more impressed with interracial couples that I personally know, people I went to college with.
I'll have to give that book a read. You make good points. Coming up in my area, there was this belief amongst certain women to marry white men because black men can't act right. Well some took the plunge and ended up divorced anyway. It was never the men that were the problem. Doesn't matter the race. No self respecting decent man is going to put up with a bad attitude or lack of feminine character for long.
Dunno about that. My wife has a measure of femininity, but in a lot of ways she’s like hanging out with the boys. Femininity only goes so far.
I'll have to give that book a read. You make good points. Coming up in my area, there was this belief amongst certain women to marry white men because black men can't act right. Well some took the plunge and ended up divorced anyway. It was never the men that were the problem. Doesn't matter the race. No self respecting decent man is going to put up with a bad attitude or lack of feminine character for long.
It would not hurt to give it a read.
I never knew that such a belief was even prevalent, until I was in my mid 20s. Growing up, it used to shock me to hear about Black women being with White women. I rarely saw interracial couples when I was in my adolescent/high school years. I knew maybe 2 Black females who admitted they found White guys to be cute. 99.9% of Black/White pairings I ever saw were Black male/White female. I'll get back to this later.
I don't know where you gree up, but in the outskirts of metro Atlanta, most Black females chose Black males. Even if they didn't see Black males as the best, they hardly ever chased White males, or men of any other race. To this day, I don't know many Black women in America who are married outside of their race. They are out there, but I haven't seen many. Now, in the UK, I saw more of the Black female/White male pairings.
Back to Black men and White women. I remember in high school some of the White girls who dated Black guys (and one Hispanic female who dated Black guys). I even tried to ask one out (I got turned down). Most of them wanted thugs, and/or tended to be trashy. One of them lost custody of her child (that she had with a White male, ironic). When I went to college, I saw a different dynamic.
Most divorces are initiated by women. I know plenty of White couples where I grew up that got divorced. Divorce is an epidemic. While there are certainly Black males who aren't right,just the number of White people that I know who are divorced, that's enough to show me that there are bigger issues. No many of any race, and no woman of any race, will put up with garbage for very long.
I guess if any White men don't want to marry black women, they're racist, right?
I married a Salvadoran girl. So I’m at least 50% not racist, right?!
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