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Old 08-04-2022, 06:11 PM
 
14,854 posts, read 8,477,152 times
Reputation: 7302

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I agree, and often wish I'd left him a lot sooner. But I was of the impression that it would be evil and selfish of me to break up my family and take the kids away from their father unless it was REALLY bad. So long as it was merely not good...and I was only "not genuinely happy"...so long as I could focus on the kids and slap a smile on my face... I did that. I also believed in a future for us and felt that if I only worked hard enough, one day he would be happy and then we could be happy together. That was not to be. But the hostage situation only began when he came home from Iraq and escalated after he got out of the Army. Initially I saw it as "he is a mentally ill family member and I need to help him." But you can't help someone who refuses to get help.

I hung in there until that relationship hit rock bottom because lots of voices...his mostly, but also all of these "women are just bad people" judgments meant to tar us no matter what we do...made me feel that I had to set aside my happiness and prove that I could be good. I wish my kids had never had to experience the last year of it all, though. They had a pretty good life up to that point.
That’s unfortunate, and I can partially relate. I was involved with someone who was suffering mental illness and self medicated with voluminous amounts of alcohol. I stayed in it far longer than I should, no kids thankfully, but out of a sense of obligation, as you say, like a family member needing help. I will not share details of the consequences of that decision, but suffice it to say it was ruining for me on every level.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I did not give full context because it's a whole mess of a story I've told a hundred times around the forums, to a point I feel that anyone familiar with me is probably sick of hearing about it by now. Of course that may not be true. But it feels that way. Maybe I'm sick of thinking/talking about it, years later, too? Whatever.

I was 18, and a guy in his mid 20s moved into my apartment and wouldn't leave. I wanted to break up because he quit his job and was mooching off me, and I didn't work enough hours to support us both. I kept telling him it was over and he kept saying, "oh you don't mean that." When I met the guy who would become my first husband, he was the sort who was thrilled to growl and snarl and chase off another man. A real Capt. Save-a-ho...ly moly am I calling myself that? Hey maybe, I did get around in my younger days. I'm not ashamed, because yanno, the casual stuff never harmed me. It was these older fellas who viewed me as a possession to be owned that did. So there I was with Mr. Patchouli Hippie Mooch boyfriend tossed on his ear with his stinky futon to follow and this other, also older (29 to my 18) year old man moving on in. He was even more tenacious.
Hahaha … you do have a wicked sense of humor, I’ll grant you that. But easy on the patchouli thing, that chit smells good mixed with a bit of lavender in the defuser. Keeps the place smelling not of stale tobacco smoke. LOL. (tell me your first name doesn’t start with a B and end in a Y). ? I’m sure it isn’t, but you do sound a bit like someone I once encountered a few years back, and a real beauty, with a very complex past, but smart way beyond her years. Her life was so complicated, and riddled with past drama. I really enjoyed her company, but there was way too much of an age gap for me to be the one to save-a-ho LOL. But even now, I sometimes regret not agreeing to try. Had we been closer in age, I probably would have tried, because there was a diamond to be revealed in her, and an old soul to be sure. But I wasn’t about to engage in a restoration process on that sports car, just to watch somebody else drive off with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
The problem, I guess, is that at 18 I didn't realize that you just apparently can't do casual stuff with these kinds of men. Yes, they make barnacles of themselves. So this new one went behind my back and threatened and beat up friends of mine and made them stay away from me. I had no idea why suddenly the only friends who wanted to hang out were HIS friends. I did not see so, so many red flags that in hindsight...well. Are 18 year olds smart? No. I was not.


LOL, you are...but it's fine.
My 18 year old self was. The common factor was I wanted less serious relationships, not being ready to be a wife and mother, and these older guys did not care what I wanted, only that I was cute and they wanted to keep me. Permanently.
Not sure why I at 18 was supposed to be setting an example for men of age 24 and 29. But ok.
Well, age adds some missing context. And no, I’m not judging, as much as trying to highlight the fact that we are all products of our own choices and decisions, whether 18, or 38. It’s just a bit more understandable for the 18 year old to screw up royally. You must have been a real cute thing to have these men act so crazy LOL. If you didn’t know then, you sure know now, that nothing makes men more crazy than pretty girls. And that’s true of any age.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
...no comment lol.
But yeah, my point is that if men don't want women to "monkey branch" maybe frickin' LISTEN to a woman when she tells you it's over. Neither of these two men did that. They did not respect even the concept that a woman could simply leave of her own accord...after all, your car doesn't steal itself out of the garage, right? No, a man, an actual PERSON had to come along and be part of it. I did try to leave both of them without doing that. Neither one was having it.
This is where I must disagree with your version … monkey branching is simply a very well documented behavior many women have and continue to demonstrate, that involves becoming involved and testing the new “branch” out before letting go of the old one. And it goes both ways, really. Men do it too, but women are famous for it.

But you do realize that just because you decided it’s over, doesn’t necessarily obligate the other party to agree with your decision, right? That’s kinda how that works whether it’s the woman or the man making that choice. You should expect resistance, even though it’s pointless, really. I think the history of this goes back to the days of cave men and clubs. So, it’s not really new.

Frankly, y’all have been causing trouble since that little incident in the garden of Eden, so just admit it already. Ask Samson, if you don’t believe Adam’s story, LOL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
At age 18, yes I did.I often hope that today's young people with all the stuff on the internet explaining narcissism and toxicity and red flag behavior, are smarter than I was but I didn't have those resources back then.
I hope they come up with a better conclusion ….. when you’re 18, don’t shack up with men of any age, and particularly ones who are older, and don’t have good references.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
No worries, I am very happily remarried! This time for companionship and not under duress or in questionable survival situations of precarious youth, and this time taking things a lot slower before milestones like commitment, cohabitation, marriage, etc. We just celebrated 2 years married and coming up on 7 together in all. I honestly didn't expect to ever remarry, but over time both of us realized how great we are for one another.

Really one of the biggest mistakes I see people making is just acting too fast, too impulsively. And a lot of these theories men come up with about how "women" (as though we are all static and never change throughout our lives, and are all identical) behave, I think are born of the confusion you guys have over what women do when we are young and naive versus a little older and wiser. But that's alright, as I said before, whatever lets you sleep at night.
Well congratulations, everybody likes happy endings. As the old saying goes, it’s not so much how you start out that counts, but how you finish.

I agree that people do rush into things to quickly, and aren’t as careful in making important decisions. It’s also true however, that we’ve become too much of an instant gratification/throw away society, and too cruel and selfish in our treatment of one another. We’ve slowly become too concerned for what others have to offer us, and less about what we have to share with them.

I remember Deepak Chopra talking about the best way to make decisions. He said that if practiced enough, it would lead to spontaneous right decision making. It goes like this …. “When faced with a choice or a decision, ask yourself, is the choice I’m about to make, the best choice for me, AND, for everyone who will be effected by that choice. If the answer is yes, then that’s the right choice. But if the answer is no, make another choice”.

Can you imagine what the world could be, if everyone made choices and decisions that way? No war, no murder, no crime or antisocial behavior of any kind. No cheating, no lying … the world would be instantly transformed.

 
Old 08-04-2022, 06:15 PM
 
14,854 posts, read 8,477,152 times
Reputation: 7302
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeerGeek40 View Post
I am still trying to figure out why this thread is in the POC area and not the relationships area.
It’s the “controversy” element here, on full display. Politics and OTHER controversies.
 
Old 08-04-2022, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,622 posts, read 21,786,100 times
Reputation: 26203
I'm still trying to figure out how this thread went on for so long. Oh, boo-hoo, men aren't getting away with what they used to with women, well, as a woman, all I can say is "GOOD"! About time!
 
Old 08-04-2022, 06:36 PM
 
14,854 posts, read 8,477,152 times
Reputation: 7302
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Amen - this topic has been beaten to death already on the relationships forum. Whether they are incels, red pillers, mgtow, or whatever the latest collective being used for low value males who can't get the partner of their choice and can't stop bellyaching all over the internet about the eeevil wimmins - no one really cares. They aren't just seeking validation, they are also suffering from an outrageous sense of entitlement. Because they are "nice guys" - their idea of a relationship is purely transactional.
Hah! Right. This, from the gender that is known for “manning” the oldest profession, which of course is a much more honest version of the current transactional nature of modern day relationships, which hides behind promises that mean nothing, under the false pretense of a contract that only guarantees the service provider’s legal right to half of the John’s belongings the moment she finds a better paying client. This, while offering him nothing in return, other than perhaps children he must continue to pay for, but can only visit occasionally.

What a deal.
 
Old 08-04-2022, 07:03 PM
 
14,854 posts, read 8,477,152 times
Reputation: 7302
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I'm still trying to figure out how this thread went on for so long. Oh, boo-hoo, men aren't getting away with what they used to with women, well, as a woman, all I can say is "GOOD"! About time!
And exactly what is that that men have been getting away with, exactly? Don’t bother telling me … tell it to the chair you’re sitting on, and the computer you’re typing on, being sent along the wires and machines you rely on to make such absurd statements, all created by men. And when you sit down at the dinner table, made by men, you’ll consume food produced by men, using the plows and heavy equipment invented, built and maintained by men, in a country that was created by men, preserved over the last 240 years by the blood sacrificed by men, to protect your ungrateful insolent behind. And if so inclined, which I doubt you are, you’d be wise to give thanks for the men who stand ready to come to your rescue, firemen and police, while here on earth, but more importantly and especially to your FATHER in heaven for sacrificing his SON, for the salvation of your external soul when you leave here.

But, who needs men, right?
 
Old 08-04-2022, 08:18 PM
 
2,046 posts, read 1,097,406 times
Reputation: 3829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wee-Bey View Post

Tangent - The majority of liberals I know are all young college educated servers in restaurants. I don't know that they're all that bright. College doesn't mean much these days. They certainly are very convinced that they're bright. Tediously so.
I'm sure in due time, they'll be the ones running things. . I mean, I drove a bus the first few months after I graduated. Now I own a house in one of the hottest markets in the country and can talk about things like positive net worth and tangible assets. My right wing, red pill brother thinks I'm "the problem with this country". I guess the jokes on him, because I've been self-sustaining since I was 20 years old and moved out of my parents house and ultimately 1200 miles away. He still lives 10 minutes away though. Guess I didn't need mommy and daddy as much as he does.
 
Old 08-04-2022, 08:57 PM
Status: "A solution in search of a problem" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: New York Area
34,460 posts, read 16,551,453 times
Reputation: 29644
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Amen - this topic has been beaten to death already on the relationships forum. Whether they are incels, red pillers, mgtow, or whatever the latest collective being used for low value males who can't get the partner of their choice and can't stop bellyaching all over the internet about the eeevil wimmins - no one really cares. They aren't just seeking validation, they are also suffering from an outrageous sense of entitlement. Because they are "nice guys" - their idea of a relationship is purely transactional.
I tend to agree, though I rarely hang out on the "relationship" forum. Even being married at 65, relationships are almost platonic.
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