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Can’t you please admit, just once, that men are often treated unfairly? Would it really kill you?
The way the system works, the guy will always lose, except in the most extreme circumstances when the female is such an atrocious mother, the courts refuse to grant her primary custody. But she has to be really bad for that to happen. If she is just a rotten, lying, cheating disgrace, and totally responsible for the failure of the marriage, she’ll still walk away with not just half of everything, but also hefty child support payments that can literally drive the guy into financial ruin, on top of the broken heart, and loss of his children. Nice.
I personally know a couple guys like that. In fact, my 1st cousin … awesome guy … absolutely one of the best human beings you could ever know … total straight shooter, great husband, devoted father, top notch provider who everyone admires. His wife had a secret. After three kids, and 8 years of marriage, he accidentally discovered this little secret …. his wife’s best friend, was actually her lesbian lover for the entire duration of their marriage, and years before. The moment he caught them together, that’s when it all came out. She coldly and callously informed him that the only reason she married him was to produce the children that her and her long time lesbian lover would eventually raise together, as a couple. That was the plan from the beginning.
And right on cue, she takes the 3 boys, they move in together …. and daddy gets to pay these two scumbags an astronomical amount of child support on his single salary, while they live large on both of their salaries, plus his large monthly contribution. He also had to buy her out for half of the home equity due her, or sell the house. Talk about messed up …. that should be a crime. It was absolute, premeditated fraud, not to mention evil.
Of course, the only way a court will not automatically grant custody to the mother is if it can be proven she is an unfit mother … an unworthy scumbag fraud doesn’t count …. but hopefully, she’ll get exactly what she deserves eventually, if such a punishment is even possible.
I feel for your friend. Something similar happened to me. My ex-husband was gay and knew it. And married me anyway because, at the time, it was no legal to be gay in the military and he needed a cover. Plus he got paid more for having a dependent. Like your friend, I tried to be a great spouse (wife in my case). I held down the fort when he was deployed, took care of the house, the bills, and our daughter so he could focus on what he needed to do. I worked full time too. And I would send him and his buddies care packages on a regular basis and wrote to him every day, etc. When he was home, I treated him like a king and I loved him deeply. But like your friend, I was duped. As soon as he separated from the military, my ex separated from me (no coincidence there). And guess who was left holding the bag on the upside down house we had to sell? I laugh when people say women make out like bandits in divorce, no, I got half of his secret debit and all of the upside down house because he had no money to pay for it since he put us in debt leading up to him leaving me (I borrowed money from my family to cover the house). At least I got to keep all of my IRA and 401K.
Where my story is different is that joint custody is automatic in my state unless one parent is unfit (or refuses custody), so we have joint custody. He does (or did) pay child support but he also earns 4x what I did (got a job in the private sector with clearance which pays well). He paid that, but I paid all the child expense bills like daycare, school supplies, clothes, activity fees, etc and such. The support was basically reimbursement but it was no where near enough to cover half of our child's expenses. I mean, even early on just daycare was over $1000 a month and support didn't even cover half of that. Even after she grew out of daycare there were other things to replace that cost. This year alone with college applications and graduation, I am spending a mint. And she's had a lot of doctor's appointments too at $120 a pop. That said, I am kind of surprised your friend is paying so much in support if the ex makes as much as you say. He should go to court to get it adjusted. Usually it goes by income and there is a formula. He should also try to get joint custody, it's pretty much the norm. Then he will get more time with his kids and pay less in support.
There are some awful people in this world. I don't think either men or women have a monopoly on being the bad guys or the victims.
There are some awful people in this world. I don't think either men or women have a monopoly on being the bad guys or the victims.
Exactly.
And all I'm saying is do as much as you can to protect yourself (and your kids) in the event of divorce. IMO, that includes remaining marketable. Its a plus for women, and I say women because it is still generally the mother who leaves work to raise the kids. As well its a plus for the man because he is most often the sole breadwinner.
The basics of divorce is not a hard concept and its not gender specific. A marriage contract is like a partnership contract in which at that point all future debts and assets become one regardless of which partner contributed what or did what. When the partnership dissolves the debt and assets are divided to try and give both partners an equitable share of the partnership. Thats where it gets complicated and similar to plea bargaining.
And this is where one must get a decent lawyer and BE PROACTIVE in your own divorce. And even that is not a guarantee your ex is not going to try to swindle, gazump, fleece or cozen you.
I am astounded that this thread is 84 pages long with a topic of men that have hit 30, and suddenly realize that time is passing them by, and I'm guessing many of the guys from their high school class have already settled down, and many of the women that are still unattached don't meet their expectations for sex and companionship, many probably women divorced or broken up from a long term relationship, have had enough of putting up with a man to last a lifetime!
I would discourage people from marrying. I think if marriage is "on the table", there should be a 5-year renewable contract, not an attempt to bond people for the rest of their life. Funny thing is there is another thread here with men harping about how unfair life is to them when the marriage fails, and the woman keeps the kids and get over with child support payments, which even when court ordered often don't show up.
So, men are just unhappy that they don't have a woman that is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, and ready to provide sex and companionship on demand.
Marriage is becoming outdated. Times change, and you either change with them or..............
You are the ONLY ONE who got that from what I said even after I explained over again. Its just going to be your problem if you want to refuse to accept what I actually said.
Again, there is nothing wrong with people who want to be stay at home parents. Get over it, it’s none of your business.
So, men are just unhappy that they don't have a woman that is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, and ready to provide sex and companionship on demand.
And they're unhappy that most women would not put up with that expectation.
I am astounded that this thread is 84 pages long with a topic of men that have hit 30, and suddenly realize that time is passing them by, and I'm guessing many of the guys from their high school class have already settled down, and many of the women that are still unattached don't meet their expectations for sex and companionship, many probably women divorced or broken up from a long term relationship, have had enough of putting up with a man to last a lifetime!
I would discourage people from marrying. I think if marriage is "on the table", there should be a 5-year renewable contract, not an attempt to bond people for the rest of their life. Funny thing is there is another thread here with men harping about how unfair life is to them when the marriage fails, and the woman keeps the kids and get over with child support payments, which even when court ordered often don't show up.
So, men are just unhappy that they don't have a woman that is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, and ready to provide sex and companionship on demand.
Marriage is becoming outdated. Times change, and you either change with them or..............
Many women insist on being married with children before they’re 30, as many of their friends have already done so. The old “Mrs.” college degree certainly runs rampant.
Not sure who is complaining about women not staying in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, and aren’t ready to provide sex and companionship on demand, but that’s also a 2 way street as many women are happy doing so. We know plenty of women that love being stay at home moms and having multiple children, and one of them being my brothers wife.
With sOOOO many options for sex and companionship these days, most anyone complaining needs to check themselves in the mirror and be able to accept that it’s them versus blaming others.
“Stay at home parents will be homeless and impoverished in the case of a divorce or spousal death.”
Your narrative has been disproven with countless evidence.
I dont think I said that but if I did I'm sure you Took that snip it out of context?
Yes I stated facts that single mothers are the largest demographic of those in poverty, including divorced women and especially those who were SAHMs with no marketable skills because they have been out of the job market.
It is not my narrative but statistical face. I never said there is anything wrong with it and I dont care at all how other people arrange their marriage. Quite curious why you are so sensitive about it.
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