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Statement from President Joe Biden's Trek FX 1 Disc bicycle regarding the events of June 18, 2022:
First of all, I want to thank the Washington Free Beacon for reaching out. It was the only respectable media outlet to express concern and show any interest in telling my side of the story. It is a story the American public deserves to hear.
The incident that took place on June 18, 2022 in Rehoboth Beach was no accident. I accept full responsibility for my role in deliberately causing President Joe Biden to bust his elderly ass on the pavement in front of a gawking mob. My actions, which I do not regret, were motivated by years of festering resentment and an overwhelming sense of moral outrage. I took the geezer down to send a message.
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I put my body on the line to call the world's attention—on Father's Day weekend—to the ongoing inhumane treatment of an innocent child. More than two and a half years have passed since a DNA test determined with "scientific certainty" that Hunter Biden, the crackhead who stole me from a garage in Georgetown, was the biological father of the baby girl identified in Arkansas court documents as "NJR."
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The president and his "doctor" wife (don't get me started) continue to deny the existence of "NJR," determined as they are to punish her for the crime of being born to a "nasty woman." The first few times Joe claimed to have only six grandchildren instead of seven, one could reasonably write it off as a honest mistake given the old man's rapidly deteriorating brain. But when the Bidens hung just six children's stockings above the White House fireplace this past Christmas, I was forced to confront the sinister truth.
So the lack of being a real father/grandfather sparked the First Bike to take Biden down in front of the cameras.
Where's Atty Gen Garland? oh- he's heading to the Ukraine to find war crimes.
This whole incident must be supremely embarrassing for Brandon, since (he claims) in his younger centuries he was a regular at the Tour de France and took the gold several times during the first years--1903 through 1916. His interest in going fast started centuries earlier in Roman chariot racing.
His bicycling career was cut short by WWI when he was commissioned a five star general and given command over the entirety of Allied forces. He claims to have flown several Zeppelin bombing missions over Germany--but because this seems to be historically inaccurate, the Woke Historians are currently rewriting the history of WWI to include Allied airship bombing missions over Germany.
You know a fall like that left bruises. I drunk fell off my bike like that and I had a goodun for about a week. Codger just lucky he didn't break a hip, that happens we have headboard, heals up Harris. Shudder. With Nancy as backup QB..... ewwww
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