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Yeah, monogamy is a tricky business. I don't really know that I'd say that people just are not wired for it, but maybe not full time and for life. Or, too, (and this is totally me projecting my own situation but I just don't think it's all that uncommon) we are expected to make permanent life choices when we're just too young to know ourselves, to know what we need and want, too unwise to spot red flags or to heed them... I don't really think that it's good or right that I be held to the choices of my teenage self and never allowed to grow or change past them. Ever. Like a life sentence for the crime of letting the wrong person get close to me when I was barely old enough to consent, with a dice roll on the death penalty at about the two decade mark? Don't think that's fair.
I wanted the American dream, to work hard and prosper and earn a happy life. I could not do that with a gun toting psycho albatross around my neck.
Your comment that men want sex with multiple women, though? Men and women cheat about 50/50 you know. And I don't really believe that men want to have multiple partners any more than women do. I've talked to a lot of young men even (my sons and their friends, who are in their early 20s) and while they all want to get laid, they'd all MUCH rather find The One and get going on their happily ever after. As for women wanting "alpha" males I don't really buy that all the way either, I think that posturing, pretentious, arrogant men are able to fool a lot of people up front, but the illusion rarely holds up over time and some of us see right through it from the get go. I do, but I didn't always...see my first paragraph regarding young people and red flags, eh?
But I really think that the social restrictions about women's sexual behavior, all of the shame and moralizing, is because left to our own devices, women won't necessarily be all that fidelitious or prudish at all. Not if we don't have to be. And it makes men crazy to think that they might not know for sure who their children are, or that women might be able to consent to sex but refuse a relationship when it's what a man wants, or refuse to have children if he wants her to. I think if men don't get to be in control, they get angry and violent, and at some point the heads of institutions (religion, government) just found it easier to impose restrictions on women to pacify and placate them. But it's negotiating with terrorists and I'm not sure that modern society is going to revert to that in the face of current happenings, or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women. This statistic suggests that more women are unsatisfied with their marriages. In an 2012 survey by Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty, a sample of 886 divorcing parents were interviewed and found that common causes of divorce were:
Distance in the relationship / lack of physical intimacy (55%)
Communication problems between partners (53%) 2
I posted a link earlier. According to a Pennsylvania State University study, these are 10 reasons why women divorce. The number one reason, "we grew apart'.
Infidelity
Incompatible
Drinking/drug use
Grew apart
Personality problems
Lack of communication
Physical or mental abuse
Loss of love
Not meeting family obligations
Employment problems
Women divorce men MOSTLY because of feelings. Families suffer as a result. Feelings can't be 'unfelt', but they can be changed. Divorce shouldn't be so easy and women telling other women they deserve better is the BIG lie, by those women who failed in their relationships. If I wanted to destroy families that's exactly what I say and the data supports the reality, families are in a crisis.
Secular Society is pathological when it comes to telling women they deserve MORE. Truth... You get what you deserve. Your return is equal to your investment. Reap what you sow.
Pointing to "grew apart" to try and prove that women's grievances with their husbands are frivolous and selfish? LOL
"Grew apart" is the, "You're a great guy but I think we should just be friends" of divorce reasons. The reason on the paperwork that my ex and I filed was, "irreconcilable differences."
Which was code for, after years of escalating abuse and refusal to get mental health treatment, over a year of not just unemployment but spending all his time at home being more and more of a drunk and pothead and a-hole to everybody, and several instances of threats involving loaded firearms, the wife no longer wishes to be married to her husband.
He threatened me with a loaded gun, dude. But do you think I told the judge that? Are you nuts?
By the time a couple files for divorce, no matter who submits the papers, there have typically been YEARS of drama putting pressure on the dam before it bursts. The court doesn't give a crap and they don't want to hear the story. Which is why, at least in Colorado where we filed, unless both parties submit paperwork with all points identical and agreed to regarding custody of kids, division of assets and liabilities, etc. ...either you lawyer it up, or the court sends you to mediation to sort it. The judge doesn't want to hear it.
And I have already explained at length why women don't report a ton of the domestic abuse and bad behavior that their husbands get up to. It often only makes things worse. We just want to get away, that's all. To get out safely with no one getting killed. Getting the authorities involved does not improve our odds.
But if you got your way and divorce were suddenly at-fault only and a lot harder to get, you would suddenly find women being a LOT more honest, and I don't really think that you (or a lot of other men) can handle that. "Me too" pretty much PROVED that guys can't handle that. Modern women are not going to just shut up and take it. Not unless you start issuing a whole lot more drugs to keep us compliant like they did in my Grandma's day.
That's because you don't want your narrative/agenda turned upside down.
Familes are in a crisis.
what narrative/agenda would that be?
What makes you think it's fairly easy to spot a person who will become an abuser? Any person having any knowledge of psychology or domestic violence, or relationships would know that is not true.
Basically you are saying the only good, safe men are organized and disciplined men (military?) and they are strong (physically, mentally?) and only strong men are protectors.
What exactly is a 'bad boy' that women seem to be attracted to in your mind. It would appear your definition is a weak, (physically, mentally?) unorganized, undiscipline which would naturally be dangerous and an abuser.
It seems to me that you are the one with a narrative/agenda.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women. This statistic suggests that more women are unsatisfied with their marriages. In an 2012 survey by Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty, a sample of 886 divorcing parents were interviewed and found that common causes of divorce were:
Distance in the relationship / lack of physical intimacy (55%)
Communication problems between partners (53%) 2
I posted a link earlier. According to a Pennsylvania State University study, these are 10 reasons why women divorce. The number one reason, "we grew apart'.
Infidelity
Incompatible
Drinking/drug use
Grew apart
Personality problems
Lack of communication
Physical or mental abuse
Loss of love
Not meeting family obligations
Employment problems
Women divorce men MOSTLY because of feelings. Families suffer as a result. Feelings can't be 'unfelt', but they can be changed. Divorce shouldn't be so easy and women telling other women they deserve better is the BIG lie, by those women who failed in their relationships. If I wanted to destroy families that's exactly what I say and the data supports the reality, families are in a crisis.
Secular Society is pathological when it comes to telling women they deserve MORE. Truth... You get what you deserve. Your return is equal to your investment. Reap what you sow.
No it doesn’t. Who ultimately files DOES NOT MATTER. You want to blame women for divorce and failing families. Go on ahead and do so, but rest assured women know the truth and it’s nothing like you want to believe.
It's fairly easy to spot a person who will become an abuser. The problem is no one teaches women anymore and of course... young women love the 'bad boys'.
Weak men are abusers. Weak men are dangerous. Bad boys are weak men.
Strong men are protectors. Strong men are safe. Good guys are organized and disciplined.
Good grief. You must live in a bubble if you truly believe no “good” guy ends up being a “bad” guy. You clearly dislike women having the right to run their own lives and have an agenda to disallow the practice. Thank goodness few men have this mindset. The divorce rate would be even higher.
Good grief. You must live in a bubble if you truly believe no “good” guy ends up being a “bad” guy. You clearly dislike women having the right to run their own lives and have an agenda to disallow the practice. Thank goodness few men have this mindset. The divorce rate would be even higher.
Who speaks in absolutes? I'm not. I actually revere women and your understanding lacks insight.
When biology is involved there's typical behaviors and atypical. Your draw a ridiculous conclusion. Why is that?
You don't revere women. You may revere women who think as you do and act as you prefer. Big difference.
Well you would be wrong. Women have been lied to mostly by other women and have put families in a crisis. Certainly you can't deny the erosion of the family... or can you?
Well you would be wrong. Women have been lied to mostly by other women and have put families in a crisis. Certainly you can't deny the erosion of the family... or can you?
The "erosion" of the family is due to men neglecting their responsibility as husbands and fathers. It is women who are left to provide for and raise the children best they can.
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