Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I cannot picture the young today staying 30+ years in a marriage.
I suspect my kids will be married for decades in the future. They all come from stable married homes, met in college, married young, multiple graduate degrees, good jobs, mortgages and kids. It seems to be the only life they know.
It's not a requirement, but it can be a lonely road. My parents don't expect me to get married. If they do, they aren't pushing me to do so. My brother and sister aren't married either. No kids either.
When I am a church, this is when it gets lonely. The people with a bunch of kids with gather together. The people who are older and happily married will gather after church. Being single and childless, it's harder. Very few single individuals in church. People find it easier to gravitate to those similar to them. However, when you stand out, it's harder. People do talk to me, but there tends to be a situation where the married/parents clique up.
In some cases, single people are viewed with suspicion, particularly in more conservative, religious places.
You wouldn’t believe the number of weddings in our church of middle aged people that have met in some of our active groups. At least a couple a year. Keep trying, join a small ministry or club that interests you. Lunch bunch, book group, hiking club, food pantry volunteers or discussion groups?
Although a controversial figure, I really lean to Jordan Peterson's view on marriage. It's a VOW. You take the vow in front of God, family, loved ones, friends. You say I AM NEVER GOING TO LEAVE YOU, so whatever issues we have, we have to work them out. If we have children, we must combine the best of each of us to raise them properly (subjective though that may be). We vow to bring out the best in each other and minimize the worst in each other. He has several commentaries on marriage on YouTube. I agree with his take on why marriage is important.
That said, changes in societal norms have eroded the foundation of marriage and people don't seem to believe they 'need' to be married, even when they have children. I think this has contributed to many of our social problems, particularly with children.
I don't remember where I read this, and it was awhile ago, but a magazine article argued that the concept of marriage will evolve from one spouse for a lifetime into serial monogamy - much more widely than occurs already. The article stated that it's one thing to say "until death do us part" when the average life expectancy is 40-50, as it was in 1800. It's another when life expectancy extends into the late 70s as it does now.
But either way, marriage isn't going anywhere, even if people choose to marry once, or in a serial fashion, or if they choose what used to be called common-law marriage - "without benefit of clergy", if you will. There always will be people who commit to each other for a lifetime, but don't feel the need for a ceremony, religious or civil.
People who survived childhood often lived about as long as we do now. Yes, they could die of certain things that surgery or antibiotics can cure now. But, in some agricultural or hunting societies, they were not exposed to all the toxic artificial junk we are now exposed to.
There were times and places where cities were crowded and filthy and disease was rampant. But out in the country, people were probably healthier than we are.
So longer life is not a reason for marriages to fail.
Although a controversial figure, I really lean to Jordan Peterson's view on marriage. It's a VOW. You take the vow in front of God, family, loved ones, friends. You say I AM NEVER GOING TO LEAVE YOU, so whatever issues we have, we have to work them out. If we have children, we must combine the best of each of us to raise them properly (subjective though that may be). We vow to bring out the best in each other and minimize the worst in each other. He has several commentaries on marriage on YouTube. I agree with his take on why marriage is important.
That said, changes in societal norms have eroded the foundation of marriage and people don't seem to believe they 'need' to be married, even when they have children. I think this has contributed to many of our social problems, particularly with children.
So tell me what problems my children had in the past vs now. They were born out of wedlock, all to the same father. We committed to each other, without marriage for more 15+ years. Tell me how we contributed to society's problems. Then tell me how all of those problems stopped when we got married two years ago.
People who survived childhood often lived about as long as we do now. Yes, they could die of certain things that surgery or antibiotics can cure now. But, in some agricultural or hunting societies, they were not exposed to all the toxic artificial junk we are now exposed to.
There were times and places where cities were crowded and filthy and disease was rampant. But out in the country, people were probably healthier than we are.
So longer life is not a reason for marriages to fail.
Of my great grandparents (born in the 1860s and 1870s) one died in her 50s from cancer, but at least four of the others lived to be over 80, with one living to 104.
So tell me what problems my children had in the past vs now. They were born out of wedlock, all to the same father. We committed to each other, without marriage for more 15+ years. Tell me how we contributed to society's problems. Then tell me how all of those problems stopped when we got married two years ago.
You stayed together - even though not married - and parented your children together. Your children had a father.
I was referring to those who have children with no fathers in their lives at all. I could have been clearer in my language.
I am curious, though, why you only chose to get married two years ago.
You stayed together - even though not married - and parented your children together. Your children had a father.
I was referring to those who have children with no fathers in their lives at all. I could have been clearer in my language.
I am curious, though, why you only chose to get married two years ago.
You're backtracking. Your language here does not match the "clear language" in the post I replied to (unless you posted earlier and I missed it).
Quote:
That said, changes in societal norms have eroded the foundation of marriage and people don't seem to believe they 'need' to be married, even when they have children. I think this has contributed to many of our social problems, particularly with children.
I don't believe we need to be married, even though we have children. And I know for a fact that our family has not eroded anything. Plus, my children are exemplary, with my youngest even testing as Gifted. We are financially stable, self-employed, business owners. And have been for years.
Your reply here, I agree with. We stayed together and committed to our family. And I think that is the ultimate determining factor for successfully raising children, seeing parents loving each other. I had married parents who screamed at one another and fought for years. That marriage license was albatross around their necks.
My significant other and I made a vow to each other that did not take place in a church, in front of others, or with any legal standing. But it has been much more significant than a legal marriage. We are happier and more committed than most of the married couples we know. This entire thread that seeks to condemn those that choose not to get married are afflicted with tunnel vision. There are many unmarried couples building a family life that is stronger and more meaningful than we are given credit for.
To your question. We decided to get married, because of an inheritance issue in probate that I experienced. I realized without a legal standing, either of us could face some issues down the road.
But the anniversary we celebrate is still the day we met... and I'm actually not quite sure the date of our ceremony - sometime in May?
You're backtracking. Your language here does not match the "clear language" in the post I replied to (unless you posted earlier and I missed it).
I don't believe we need to be married, even though we have children. And I know for a fact that our family has not eroded anything. Plus, my children are exemplary, with my youngest even testing as Gifted. We are financially stable, self-employed, business owners. And have been for years.
Your reply here, I agree with. We stayed together and committed to our family. And I think that is the ultimate determining factor for successfully raising children, seeing parents loving each other. I had married parents who screamed at one another and fought for years. That marriage license was albatross around their necks.
My significant other and I made a vow to each other that did not take place in a church, in front of others, or with any legal standing. But it has been much more significant than a legal marriage. We are happier and more committed than most of the married couples we know. This entire thread that seeks to condemn those that choose not to get married are afflicted with tunnel vision. There are many unmarried couples building a family life that is stronger and more meaningful than we are given credit for.
To your question. We decided to get married, because of an inheritance issue in probate that I experienced. I realized without a legal standing, either of us could face some issues down the road.
But the anniversary we celebrate is still the day we met... and I'm actually not quite sure the date of our ceremony - sometime in May?
I wasn't backtracking, I was attempting to clarify what I meant, since I admitted I should have been clearer. It was never my intention to denigrate people in a committed relationship who were not married.
Your personal situation sounds wonderful. Again, I was referring to those who have children with no father present. My personal belief - which seems confirmed in general by various psychologists and family counselors - is that children do much better with two parents in a committed relationship - married or not. So we agree there.
Both my parents were alcoholic and my father was abusive to my mother (never to us kids but that is trauma, having to witness that, nonetheless, as I'm sure you know.) They were married in the church - a church that never stood by my mother when she wanted to leave my father early in their married years and according to her, foisted blame for his angry violence on her. So I don't believe that being married in a church is a guarantee of anything. I was relaying what Dr Peterson articulated about taking a vow, which clearly is not required to be taken in a church.
continued happiness to you and your family.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
