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I disagree. Marriage rates have been on the decline since the early 1970s. Homosexuals have nothing to do with it.
I've never understood why if homosexuals are allowed to marry, heterosexuals will quit doing so.
Now, there are those who get left in a lurch because their spouses realize they are actually attracted to those of their own gender. It happens. But hard to see how that's causing marriages to decline overall.
There are a lot of factors involved, but I suspect the primary factor is that people have more options than they used to have.
To me, the bolded part above doesn't make a speck of sense. When you have one household divide into two, there is no possible way either spouse can "maintain the quality of life to which they are accustomed." The same income that once maintained a single household can't possibly pay for two households at the same level.
I fully agree with sharing assets that were accumulated during the marriage. But if one spouse chooses to forego a career to stay home, I see no reason for the other spouse to support the stay at home one for years and years after they split up. When my husband filed for divorce, I had been stay at home mom (with a part time home based business) for 12 years, raising 3 children. That was my choice. When we split up, I got a full time job in my former field. Pulled up my big girl pants. Took care of myself. I would feel humiliated to imply I still needed my ex to support me for the rest of my life.
But then, I've never been one to feel entitled, to believe years and years of living on welfare is acceptable, or just to be a leech on anyone else in general.
Did you seriously just compare domestic support to govt handouts?
We homeschool. If we were to divorce and I was expected to work to support myself, what then? That would be devastating to all involved. If you use public school as daycare like most people, yeah, get a job during school hours. But if there is large disparity in one partner’s income while the other was staying at home, while I don’t think a standard of living needs to be maintained for us regular folk, it’s also not really right to just wash your hands of the other. That said, I think child support amongst us normal middle class people is much more common than any type of perpetual spousal support.
In this day and age there is no point in getting married. What does being married even mean. It means a whole lot of headaches if you divorce. There are so many long term couples that have been together for decades without being married.
“Don’t get married because it means a headache if you divorce.” So don’t get divorced?
Most of the adults that I know have been divorced at least once. I believe that marriage is something that only exists to encourage people to procreate and then move on. Staying with one partner in our society is just not feasible anymore.
Despite having read the entire thread, I’ve not seen any reasons for not getting married. It’s all speculation, bitterness over the past, and false assumptions based on statistics that don’t matter. Why is it “not feasible” to stay with one partner for life? People do it and it’s not rare.
BTW, I've known a number of unmarrieds from middle-class families who have their children without getting married. Some stay together and get married. Others move on.
Though they come from families of pharmacists, attorneys, business owners, government employees and so forth with married parents, they themselves may not have health insurance.
I don't recall anyone shunning them, nor them reporting that anyone was looking down on them.
You're backtracking. Your language here does not match the "clear language" in the post I replied to (unless you posted earlier and I missed it).
I don't believe we need to be married, even though we have children. And I know for a fact that our family has not eroded anything. Plus, my children are exemplary, with my youngest even testing as Gifted. We are financially stable, self-employed, business owners. And have been for years.
Your reply here, I agree with. We stayed together and committed to our family. And I think that is the ultimate determining factor for successfully raising children, seeing parents loving each other. I had married parents who screamed at one another and fought for years. That marriage license was albatross around their necks.
My significant other and I made a vow to each other that did not take place in a church, in front of others, or with any legal standing. But it has been much more significant than a legal marriage. We are happier and more committed than most of the married couples we know. This entire thread that seeks to condemn those that choose not to get married are afflicted with tunnel vision. There are many unmarried couples building a family life that is stronger and more meaningful than we are given credit for.
To your question. We decided to get married, because of an inheritance issue in probate that I experienced. I realized without a legal standing, either of us could face some issues down the road.
But the anniversary we celebrate is still the day we met... and I'm actually not quite sure the date of our ceremony - sometime in May?
This is a pompous attitude. I’m gifted as well but that’s genetics, not anything my home environment did.
The point being made that you’re missing is that marriage helps to keep people committed to the family unit. That’s generally speaking, of course, but people have children and one will walk away more often than not if there is no legal marriage. Or they get married bc she gets knocked up and they’re divorced a few years later. This is why it’s smartest to wait till marriage for sex. There is a level of “I am commited to working through our problems no matter what” that needs to take place that is vastly beneficial to both the marriage and to the family.
I'm talking about dealing with the ex. I'm talking about someone who tends to have a "shoot first, ask questions later mindset". Someone who got hurt so bad by the ex, she doesn't trust anyone, and she'll carry that into the next relationship. I don't want to play "clean up".
I think about this. In college, this woman I know was dating a guy who was basically a jealous jerk. He had been cheated on by his previous girlfriends. He took it out on her. She got rid of him soon after (she's married to another man).
If I do date, I'd prefer to keep the age range no younger than 30. I just rarely seen many mature 20-somethings. I don't know how old you are, but I'm wondering about then vs now.
I know several people who have been married and divorced several times, before the age of 34. I often wonder "what's going on? How does someone get married and divorced that many times? I've only heard of movie stars doing this".
In my 36 years of living, there are many thing I've seen, and not seen. I've maintained some innocence (more than some people my age). On the other hand, I've watched many people make some really bad mistakes. In many ways, watching other people make horrible mistakes has kept me from making those mistakes. I know several people who got pregnant as teenagers (or got someone else pregnant as a teenager) and it cost them big time. Watching several people get divorced several times, I thought "I don't know what their doing, but it's obviously not working".
You gotta choose what baggage you’re willing to deal with. My husband is not very emotionally open and had been hurt by women before me. Long-term relationships and he got cheated on, that kind of thing. I’m 38 now and he’s 52. I have baggage from my family of origin and I’m decently high strung. I personally could not have dealt with step kids or baby mamas, that may be a line for you as well. But I have a feeling when you meet the right one for you, you will overlook some of that and be more willing to deal with what she brings to the table bc the bad will be outweighed by the good. To answer the last part, most of the time, the issue is that people choose to walk instead of work.
Did you seriously just compare domestic support to govt handouts?
We homeschool. If we were to divorce and I was expected to work to support myself, what then? That would be devastating to all involved. If you use public school as daycare like most people, yeah, get a job during school hours. But if there is large disparity in one partner’s income while the other was staying at home, while I don’t think a standard of living needs to be maintained for us regular folk, it’s also not really right to just wash your hands of the other. That said, I think child support amongst us normal middle class people is much more common than any type of perpetual spousal support.
I don't know anyone who got spousal support for more than a couple years, if that. In North Carolina, spousal support is limited to half the number of years of marriage, but few get that.
A paycheck that is supporting one residence, will be stretched to cover two.
The expectation, even among those who homeschool, was that the kids would be put in school and the wives would go to work to support herself. She might need a year to two to get that organized. Perhaps finish a degree, obtain a certification, or whatever. But after that, it was child support only.
You are indeed in a vulnerable position. Whether it is right or not, if your husband decides to leave you, your life and the lives of your children will take a turn.
[quote=kajo13;64223861]Yep, there's trauma just being in a dysfunctional environment. My parents were very loving to me and I wanted for nothing. Decades later and I still can't stand the sound of a slamming door.
It pains me to read of your mother. I sincerely hope she found happiness.
It's so critical that people take their time in choosing a life partner and the parent of their children. It's so easy for it to go wrong.
I appreciate the dialogue, Kajo....although I never wanted for anything either, materially, I/we (my siblings) lacked the committed family structure that I believe is so important.
I was raised catholic and I believe the attitude of the church at that time towards my mother was what turned me away from it. That said, in small ways things have stayed with me that helped me stay grounded and I've found my own equilibrium in the subsequent years.
Thank you for your kind words. stay well.
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When my husband filed for divorce, I had been stay at home mom (with a part time home based business) for 12 years, raising 3 children. That was my choice. When we split up, I got a full time job in my former field. Pulled up my big girl pants. Took care of myself. I would feel humiliated to imply I still needed my ex to support me for the rest of my life. 
