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How do you or Clara btw know which side of the 50% divorce rate you fall on, in the future? Crystal Ball? I wish all well, but none of us know amongst the married, how long it will last.
As another poster said, we all have insurance for the unknown.
If anybody marries with a contingency plan, they have no faith or commitment in their partner or the marriage.
Our plan was the one who left 1st had to take the kids. Then after they were grown divorce was more trouble than it was worth. Whatever our differences were, we figured how to work it out.
Excellent, A friend who was a SAH first did retail then became a realtor.
It 2023, so many careers exist which are not 9-5.
And the first house was to fill in the shortfall with 2 kids in college. Rehabbed it, paid 2 years tuition for 2 kids and bought DH a new pick up. And had enough left to do another house.
But DH never knew what was up. He came home in a cab one night, was telling the cabbie which house on the block. The driver said the one with the for sale sign? Ya want me to wait?
Not everybody is suited to living in a construction zone for weeks or months.
Her mom was in even worse shape, and spent 6 years doing zero to become a backstop for the child. They were in counseling for marital issues 6 years before filing, btw. She stayed home, her youngest was 13 at the filing, and added one EXCEL course to her resume, which consisted of Steno & Gregg (1980 style dictation stuff).
The latter is her fault. You can all pretend you know which side of the 50% divorce curve you fall on, but why not mitigate risk and prepare in case it's on the side less favorable? My sister refused to do that, and that part was her fault. She spent decades calling out one lady after another as divorce material. Guess who was? Her daughter paid the price of the head in sand approach.
Sounds like mom and dad both had major issues that had nothing to do with her being a stay at home mom. I doubt they would have done so much better if mom had worked.
It can be but it isn't. Alimony is still awarded in states even if they are Community Property States.
For example, California is a Community Property State and also allows permanent(well long term with no specific end-term) alimony...all you have to be is married for 10 years.
I understand about some alimony. Hubby a womanizing jerk who might have put the wife in a very bad financial position at an old age or maybe sick. The judges knew how to handle it- what was the reason all of a sudden he put the hammer down ? Helping out one of his buds ?
How do you or Clara btw know which side of the 50% divorce rate you fall on, in the future? Crystal Ball? I wish all well, but none of us know amongst the married, how long it will last.
As another poster said, we all have insurance for the unknown.
It’s not really a 50% divorce rate.
Based on CDC and other government stats:
The majority of marriages (60%) are first marriages for both partners. The divorce rate for those marriages is roughly 25% unless they cohabitated together first and then the rates rise to almost 50%.
This mean 40% of marriages involve at least one person who has been married before. As many as 20% of these unions involve one person who has been married before while the other 20% are repeat marriages for both parties.
67% of second marriages end in divorce
73% of third marriages end in divorce.
Among these the highest divorce rates involve those where both partners have multiple marriages.
6% of divorced couples get remarried to each other and 72% of these reunited couples remain married after reuniting
The average length of a marriage at divorce is 8 years.
Here is a surprising stat - Couples who have friends who are divorced have a 75% increase in the risk of their own marriage ending. However, when I think about it, maybe it isn’t surprising. I am one of nine kids and only one of us got divorced. On my husband’s side it’s the exact opposite, 3 of 5 of them got divorced. My parents had a stable marriage while his father was living with his third to fifth live-in girlfriend, depending on how you counted them, by the time I met my husband.
I am nearing 50 years of marriage and simply can’t imagine life without him. Sure, we had bumpy times, but we were both committed to the notion that marriage was a lifetime partnership. I just don’t think marriage is as risky of a proposition as you seem to think it is.
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There is more to having kids than what's left after the divorce.
Some here are trivializing what it takes to raise competent caring contributing human beings. What's that worth?
Maybe we were blessed with having a very dear friend who was a high dollar divorce lawyer. He told DH any judge in Texas would give me 80% of the jointly held assets because of my duties as a homemaker.
DD is director of a preschool daycare in NYC. They charge 30K a year for full time school and afternoon daycare.
In Texas one can work in daycare with 40 hours of training via computer. Is that where you want your kids 40+ hours a week?
This site is full of threads and comments about the idiot next generation. And the liberal run public education system in the USA.
Perhaps if families took care of their own kids we'd have a more competent culture.
PS. I never concerned myself with what I'd get after the divorce because I owned 1/2 the assets. There are more ways for a SAHM to earn money than a 40 hour a week job where she has to leave her kids with some minimum wage day care worker. I bought and rehabbed houses. That way I had total control of time and money.
A family friend gave up a phd program because she was pregnant. Husband and wife thought families needed to raise their own kids. When her dh wanted a divorce years later, the judge gave her 1/2 his salary for the rest of his life.
Not all daycares are the same. Not all States or daycares for that matter have requirements as slack as Texas apparently does. I would assume though that there are daycares even in Texas with carers who hold early childhood education degrees. They just probably cost more than the one you describe.
It’s funny that you think kids will be better educated if they’re at home all day with a SAHP since the “liberal” education system is so bad. Who do you think educated most of their parents? Hint: It’s the same public education system you distain that’s who.
I know great working moms. I know great SAHM moms. But there are lousy parents in both groups too. Staying home isn’t worth much educationally if the kid is parked in front of the TV all day. IMO, neither choice is a bad one unless the people (parent or carer) make it that way.
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