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How do you or Clara btw know which side of the 50% divorce rate you fall on, in the future? Crystal Ball? I wish all well, but none of us know amongst the married, how long it will last.
As another poster said, we all have insurance for the unknown.
How do you or Clara btw know which side of the 50% divorce rate you fall on, in the future? Crystal Ball? I wish all well, but none of us know amongst the married, how long it will last.
As another poster said, we all have insurance for the unknown.
Because, Bob, if you look at the divorce stats in detail, you can know if you are more of a 20% at risk than an 80% or 50% at risk because there are many different things that factor into the 50% number and we are not all the same.
There are no guarantees in life regardless. You can do everything by the book and still get screwed over in the end. Most people will weigh their options and make the choices that make the most sense for them. I see nothing wrong with that.
Your niece was 17 years into adulthood before she recovered from her mom being a stay at home mom? That’s crazy.
Many bad options awaited her. Her dad, sole income, lost 2 jobs in a year, so she ended up housed by 4 different adult/families in her late teens. Went to college, but had problems from her less than stable life. Now married ten years, cut off from family, but I know via mutual friends, just got her BA and has a full scholarship for first year of Masters. I am still delighted she got her degree, and hope she goe back to work..NOW. She has a daughter in school, with autism, but I suspect she also has a high % of being divorced.
She recovered from her mom being sure only others got divorced, and not preparing to parent after the divorce.
Her mom wanted to live in her hometown when i did not, so has lived with two dysfunctional friends from high school for 20 years, neither of which any wise court would have granted her custody in. Hence the daughter went to live with her dad after the divorce. He then had a mid life meltdown.
Because, Bob, if you look at the divorce stats in detail, you can know if you are more of a 20% at risk than an 80% or 50% at risk because there are many different things that factor into the 50% number and we are not all the same.
There are no guarantees in life regardless. You can do everything by the book and still get screwed over in the end. Most people will weigh their options and make the choices that make the most sense for them. I see nothing wrong with that.
Do you have insurance on your home, auto, health, and life? Low risk most get used, but all wise people carry such stuff.
Many bad options awaited her. Her dad, sole income, lot 2 jobs in a year, so she ended up housed by 4 different adult/families in her late teens. Went to college, but had problems from her less than stable life. Now married ten years, cut off from family, but I know via mutual friends, just got her BA and has a full scholarship for first year of Masters. I am still delighted she got her degree, and hope she goe back to work..NOW. She has a daughter in school, with autism, but I suspect she also has a high % of being divorced.
She recovered from her mom being sure only others got divorced, and not preparing to parent after the divorce.
Her mom wanted to live in her hometown when i did not, so has lived with two dysfunctional friends from high school for 20 years, neither of which any wise court would have granted her custody in. Hence the daughter went to live with her dad after the divorce. He then had a mid life meltdown.
Her Dad lost two jobs in a year and she had to live with other families.
Her mom lived with friends for 20 years?
Dad had a mid life meltdown?
Sounds like there is a lot more to this story than this child’s mom ruining her life because she was a stay at home mom.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobNJ1960
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How do you or Clara btw know which side of the 50% divorce rate you fall on, in the future? Crystal Ball? I wish all well, but none of us know amongst the married, how long it will last.
As another poster said, we all have insurance for the unknown.
You can't know for sure.
You can just make eyes-wide-open careful decisions. My husband could have been killed in a car wreck, and I would have no way to predict that, and that would have been devastating. He's a very careful and skilled driver, so that was less likely than average, but still.
You can predict, very often, which couples will end up divorced just by being observant.
I was engaged to a man who was a jerk, although a lot of fun and incredibly good looking. But when I stared my future in the eye, with him, I knew it was a bad decision and broke it off even though we'd been together several years and were engaged.
There is some element of luck, that's true, but there's also a great benefit to making wise decisions about who you marry.
I wasn't wrong.
BTW - I wouldn't have gone into a marriage, and pledged to love honor and cherish til death do us part, if I thought I was going to have to give up raising my children to hedge my bets that this guy just might be a fraud and a liar, or insincere in his vows.
There is more to having kids than what's left after the divorce.
Some here are trivializing what it takes to raise competent caring contributing human beings. What's that worth?
Maybe we were blessed with having a very dear friend who was a high dollar divorce lawyer. He told DH any judge in Texas would give me 80% of the jointly held assets because of my duties as a homemaker.
DD is director of a preschool daycare in NYC. They charge 30K a year for full time school and afternoon daycare.
In Texas one can work in daycare with 40 hours of training via computer. Is that where you want your kids 40+ hours a week?
This site is full of threads and comments about the idiot next generation. And the liberal run public education system in the USA.
Perhaps if families took care of their own kids we'd have a more competent culture.
PS. I never concerned myself with what I'd get after the divorce because I owned 1/2 the assets. There are more ways for a SAHM to earn money than a 40 hour a week job where she has to leave her kids with some minimum wage day care worker. I bought and rehabbed houses. That way I had total control of time and money.
A family friend gave up a phd program because she was pregnant. Husband and wife thought families needed to raise their own kids. When her dh wanted a divorce years later, the judge gave her 1/2 his salary for the rest of his life.
Her Dad lost two jobs in a year and she had to live with other families but it’s all her moms fault for being a stay at home mom?
Sounds like there is a lot more to this story.
Her mom was in even worse shape, and spent 6 years doing zero to become a backstop for the child. They were in counseling for marital issues 6 years before filing, btw. She stayed home, her youngest was 13 at the filing, and added one EXCEL course to her resume, which consisted of Steno & Gregg (1980 style dictation stuff).
The latter is her fault. You can all pretend you know which side of the 50% divorce curve you fall on, but why not mitigate risk and prepare in case it's on the side less favorable? My sister refused to do that, and that part was her fault. She spent decades calling out one lady after another as divorce material. Guess who was? Her daughter paid the price of the head in sand approach.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
35,627 posts, read 17,953,728 times
Reputation: 50650
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobNJ1960
Do you have insurance on your home, auto, health, and life? Low risk most get used, but all wise people carry such stuff.
Buying insurance to protect your valuable assets doesn't require you to give up raising your children during their early formative years.
It just costs a little money.
Not the same thing at all, as deciding to forego being with your kids in their preschool years to "hedge your bets".
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