A Conservative's To-Do List:
6:00am - Wake up to counnnntry music.
6:15am - Take bath with 50 gallons of steaming water.
6:30am - Eat McDonald's breakfast.
7:00am - Read the Watchtower publication.
7:30am - Watch FOX for fresh pack of lies.
7:45am - Talk to your buddies about how much them heretics suck, and they'll all agree.
8:00am - Steal money from your employees.
9:00am - Cut down a tree.
9:15am - Flash a picture of a dead fetus to unsuspecting people.
10:00am - Silently consider how great Middle Eastern justice is.
10:30am - Talk with friends about how great capitalism is and how it's awesome it's destroying the planet.
11:00am - Bomb wedding of gay couple.
12:00pm - Go to lunch with rich friends.
1:00pm - Get upset because lunch was NOT plated in gold.
1:30pm - Attend rally to add prayer to public school.
2:30pm - Argue out loud with yourself that Sarah Palin will change things in America.
3:00pm - Convince self that Palin's hatred of women's rights and the environment doesn't matter.
4:00pm - Attend the church of Bill O'Reilly for opinions about things he doesn't really believe in.
5:00pm - Purchase a world map in order to determine which country a Republican will declare a useless war on after being sworn in during January 2009.
6:00pm - Watch local news to see which talk show host made derogatory remarks about Democrats today. Swell with pride like Smilin' Bob.
7:00pm - Eat dinner while watching highlights of a Palin rally when she speaks in her shrilling, self-righteous voice.
7:03pm - Sit down from the 3 minute standing ovation you gave McCain for that quote about being a Veteran and how that makes him automatically the better candidate.
8:00pm - Flip between Fox, Rush, and your church for all the latest gossip.
11:00pm - Say Prayers (to Jesus and Bush).
There, some good ol' Republican style revenge.