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Old 12-05-2009, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Here
11,574 posts, read 13,894,559 times
Reputation: 6978

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(For our gullible CD members, yes, this is made up)

I wonder how long it will be til' we get rid of "holidays" all together.

************************************************** *******

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2008

RE: Gala Christmas Party


I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

************************************************** *******

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2008

RE: Gala Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty

************************************************** *******
Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2008

RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

************************************************** *******

Company Memo


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2008

RE: Generic Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

************************************************** *******

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: October 5, 2008

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

************************************************** *******

Company Memo


FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2008

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
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Old 12-05-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Florida
1,313 posts, read 1,546,326 times
Reputation: 462
3rd post of this I've seen
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Old 12-05-2009, 11:24 AM
 
Location: California
37,048 posts, read 41,988,658 times
Reputation: 34856
Yup. Tis the Season for mass emails.
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:18 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,455,213 times
Reputation: 22471
Now that they've managed to turn Christmas into a pagan solstice celebration, it will still be allowed. I've heard it referred to as the "winter holidays" lately. You can get naked and dance around a "holiday tree" and celebrate something the with the earth and sun and that's okay but don't mention Jesus.
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,671,579 times
Reputation: 3587
How about just this:

Dear Employees:

We will be hosting our annual holiday and end-of-year celebration on December 23rd in the grill room. Dinner will be served at 5PMK and we are happy to announce that a minute of silence will be observed at that time for those of you who wish to offer prayer to your God(s). We request that non believers please remain silent and respect the rights of other employees as we believe your rights should be respected in return.
Christmas carols will be sung along with music from the Jewish and Muslim faiths as well as secular holiday music. The company prides itself on being diverse and we actively encourage all employees to enjoy all faiths and cultures.
A cash bar will be provided for those who wish to drink. As usual we request that you not drink to excess and, should you feel the need for a ride home, please see Cheryl or Dan and it will be arranged for you at no expense.
Please have a wonderful time and enjoy it!
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:46 PM
 
35,016 posts, read 39,031,807 times
Reputation: 6194
Very funny. I hope in 20 years or so it will represent quaint old customs that have to be explained to the grandkids.
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Old 12-05-2009, 02:05 PM
 
Location: California
37,048 posts, read 41,988,658 times
Reputation: 34856
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
How about just this:

Dear Employees:

We will be hosting our annual holiday and end-of-year celebration on December 23rd in the grill room. Dinner will be served at 5PMK and we are happy to announce that a minute of silence will be observed at that time for those of you who wish to offer prayer to your God(s). We request that non believers please remain silent and respect the rights of other employees as we believe your rights should be respected in return.
Christmas carols will be sung along with music from the Jewish and Muslim faiths as well as secular holiday music. The company prides itself on being diverse and we actively encourage all employees to enjoy all faiths and cultures.
A cash bar will be provided for those who wish to drink. As usual we request that you not drink to excess and, should you feel the need for a ride home, please see Cheryl or Dan and it will be arranged for you at no expense.
Please have a wonderful time and enjoy it!
I would probably wonder why there needed to be a moment of silence or any music of faith in the first place. People can pray on their own or with other believers or with their family and churches and sing songs about their maker all they want. In a mixed group like work I'd keep things neutral. Not everything we do has to be an expression of faith.

Last edited by Ceece; 12-05-2009 at 02:35 PM..
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Old 12-05-2009, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,200 posts, read 18,318,155 times
Reputation: 6655
My job calls it a Christmas party....in fact we had it last night and they played Christmas music all night long...to my knowledge no one cared
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Old 12-05-2009, 02:12 PM
 
8,762 posts, read 11,540,586 times
Reputation: 3398
My job calls it the Holiday party and very rightfully so.
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Old 12-05-2009, 02:19 PM
 
Location: wrong planet
5,161 posts, read 11,402,843 times
Reputation: 4336
I don't see what would be wrong with having a New Years party, with a buffet with a variety of food to make everyone happy. I am getting really sick and tired of all the whining about Christmas. Everywhere I go, I hear Christmas music, see Christmas cards, displays etc. - all that talk about "Christmas disappearing" is just total bunk. I guess some people can't stand it that Christmas isn't mandatory everywhere - hmmm... sounds about as intolerant as another religion.
I never used to mind "Christmas" - even though I am an atheist, but the more whining I hear, the more unappealing it becomes.
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