Do you look down on people who don't want kids? (healthcare, crime)

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler

I don't frown on people who don't want kids. If someone doesn't want children, they should never have to feel like they need to have kids from society. People should totally live the lives they want, with as many people in their family as they want.

Here is a quesiton for debate though.....

Should people who chose not to have kids pay a higher tax rate? After all, they don't contribute any future tax payers, placing a huge burden on the system as they age into retirement. With fewer and fewer youth, the growing and growing elderly population needs funds to pay for retirement homes and health care. Why should people who raised eight children pay an equal amount in taxes for the elderly as a couple down the street who lived a -double income no kids- lifestyle.

Note- I myself will probably have no children. I would love to have many, but certain circumstances will probably insure that never happens outside of adoption. I am not opposed to paying higher taxes to support the elderly because I know that, near the end of my life, I will be a burden on the few youth that America has left.

We're not burdening the system with our offspring.
Education is a big cost; does that mean that we shouldn't pay school taxes? That's the biggest part of my tax burden on my houses. I'd love to not pay for schools, but it's part of my contribution to society.

Perhaps the model should change.
Are you saying that it's okay to suck from the system all of your life with the tax benefits afforded to unfettered breeding (tax credits, education costs, earth resources) and punish those who don't do so? The parents who have been "benefiting" from those kids will also be a burden at the end of their livees. Doubt that? Go look at retirement, assisted care homes. Most of those people have kids that don't support them.

Your being "a burden" for the end of your life is your choice.

I have paid into insurance for end of life care and to be honest, I'll off myself before it gets to that.

Your logic escapes me.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by rkb0305

I respect their choice, and I have never made a condescending comment to anyone who does not want kids (I have 2. My best friend never plans to have any BTW). Know your limits. No one should have kids due to peer pressure. That being said, it is sort of the "selfish" type to not be willing to alter your lifestyle to have kids, but that's ok. No one's choice but your own.

One could easily say that those who want kids can also be selfish -- by being so narcissistic that you want to clone yourself. Also, by reproducing humans, you're taking away more natural resources, such as taking up valuable space, creating more pollution and garbage.

Also, people who badly want kids are mostly likely highly co-dependent. They (overwhelmingly women) are needy and lonely, and long for love, being unable to sufficiently love themselves. Seldom do they realize that babies and kids need the parent's unconditional love and not the other way around. The kid grows up dysfunctional as a result of a codependent mother or father.

Why do you think the Dog Whisperer's customer is almost always a co-dependent woman? She uses her pet (toy) dog as a source of unconditional love when it is nothing but an animal companion that needs discipline and boundaries.

With children it is similar. But too many adults have children out of codependence, neediness, and loneliness. This creates generations of out-of-control kids and dysfunctionism. Prisons are full of such types. Society ultimately pays for idiots who breed.

So, that's my treatise on how HAVING CHILDREN can be the most selfish thing on the planet to do.

Disclaimer: Healthy, functional adults who have children and know what they are doing would be less selfish and provide us with human beings who are able to contribute to society.

What do I say to people who tell me to have kids? "There are other things to do in life that fulfill me." Simple.

[sailordave]

I wish liberals who think having kids are harmful to the planet would perform a late late term abortion on themselves in order to benefit the planet they love so much.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by sailordave

I wish liberals who think having kids are harmful to the planet would perform a late late term abortion on themselves in order to benefit the planet they love so much.

I knew a guy who hated kids so much that he joked that they are nothing but botched abortions.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler

Why should people who raised eight children pay an equal amount in taxes for the elderly as a couple down the street who lived a -double income no kids- lifestyle.

Because people who have children just aren't as smart? Just kidding. People who choose to be childless just want to ENJOY their lives all the way to the end. They don't see the point of experiencing all the drama of raising kids and also slaving away at work just to feed them and put them thru college. What is the point of all that? How many times do we hear parents say "Two are out of the house and one more to go!" as if they're looking mighty forward to getting their kids out of their house so they can breathe.

My advice: Why not skip that route and just enjoy life now? Yes, take their hard-earned $ and spend it on themselves or other people important to them? Also, there are many people who decide that it's not worth the hassle: whether it's the enjoyment of the freedom of being childless, or it's that they can't find a suitable partner or can't afford to adopt, they're being practical regarding their life. SMART.

Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler

Note- I myself will probably have no children. I would love to have many, but certain circumstances will probably insure that never happens outside of adoption. I am not opposed to paying higher taxes to support the elderly because I know that, near the end of my life, I will be a burden on the few youth that America has left.

I don't think that would get anybody's vote but yours. Don't run for office.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by annika08

My husband and I have decided we are not having children. Ever.

We don't want children; isn't that good enough of a reason?

I hate when people make comments like "when you start your family...". Or when they ask "how many kids are you going to have?" or some equally presumptuous question and I tell them "none", they continue on with "why not?". Even if I tell them I don't want children, they will continue berating me with questions about my choice. It's MY CHOICE. It's gotten to the point where I no longer argue with these people.

I have had people gasp at me, I have people question my reproductive and mental abilities, I have had people say stupid things like "what kind of a woman are you?" and "don't you know God thinks that's wrong of you?". What century are we in again?

Bashing people who have children? I've never witnessed that. I have witnessed plenty of child-free bashing, though (calling people who are child-less terms like 'selfish', 'immature', and so forth).

Only women with children ask me such questions. They are flabbergasted that I actually have found and can find other goals in life that are so fulfilling to me that having children becomes a total distraction and detraction.

I've never had men ask me if I wanted kids...oh, perhaps a couple of boyfriends in the past. They now have them, with other women. Good for them. One of them sends me photos of his kids. Probably to make sure I am reminded of what I'm missing. I just tell him, "They're SO cute!"

I'm happy for anyone who is a good parent and has a happy healthy kid. I feel sorry for anyone who has children and it isn't working out well.

I am not a child-hater. I adore the cute chubby ones (I know, I'm superficial) who aren't spoiled. A month ago I bumped into one that was a 1-year old bruiser of a boy, with a sweet and calm temperament, and I could not stop gushing on about him. I wanted to take him home! His mom told me that he gets this type of attention all the time, even from grown men! She can't get out of a store because people are always stopping her and admiring her big cute baby. This mom is so proud of him and rightly so.

But this isn't me usually. I don't go around oohing and aahing at the sight of any ole baby. Gee, I have standards! Unlike a friend of mine who goes nuts over anything that resembles a tiny human. She always wants me to look. I'm not that easily impressed. Not that I dislike the baby, but I just don't see what is so special about some baby that I have never seen and don't know, and who is not particularly cute or anything.

I view babies and adults alike. They are valued because they are humans and I appreciate that. Nothing more. I don't look at babies and automatically fall in love with them and think they are the world just because they are smaller than adults.

To me, they're just brand new people.

P.S. You can't just say, "I don't want children." People who ask you this need to know if there is something biologically, mentally, or emotionally wrong with you. They can't imagine life without children and babies and breastfeeding and coochy-coochy-coo and if you are not like that, either you are weird, or they are weird. And they know they are NOT weird.

[Mooseketeer]

I am one of those "un-natural" women so I am the one being looked down upon by other people ( mostly women ).

I am 42 and never had the slightest desire to have children. I have no maternal instinct and do not see why I should have kids simply to conform to society's expectation of what a "real" woman is.

I don't hate kids, I just don't want any. I find them boring in the extreme, dirty, noisy and incredibly hard work. They do not appeal in the slightest. Never have , never will. I am quite happy to baby-sit for a neighbour and take out the kids to the museum or read to them but then after a couple of hours I am just glad that I can hand them back.


Not everyone in the world has a "natural" imperative to reproduce. I think many women get terribly offended that I don't want kids because it is somehow to them an offence to their own choice of motherhood. They resent me being able to find fulfillment and joy without the addition of little humans in my life. They cannot understand how a woman can possibly be whole without a baby. Well I can and I am.


I know a lot of people think it selfish and maybe it is as ultimately I love my relationship with my husband far too much to jeopardise it by having a child. I would be bored to tears, unfulfillled and resentful and those are not traits terribly compatible with happy motherhood.

Some people, in fact I would go as far as say most people should never have children. A child should be wholly wanted and his/her needs should be a paramount consideration into a the familial equation. Most human beings are selfish and denigrate their own children, they neglect them , ignore them and most of the time spend as little time as possible with them. Having kids to me is almost akin to a vocation. One most of us cannot fulfill. Kids need love, and utter devotion, the desire to teach and educate them, to guide them to a stable and balanced life, to gently nudge them into becoming decent, intelligent, good human beings.


Most parents I see complain about their kids incessantly, they use the TV as a baby-sitter, they scream at them in supermarkets and seem to have not the most basic of clue about discipline and tough love. Most are unable to say no and mean it. Most kids I know run riot and parents have abnegated all responsbility towards them, because let's face it being a good parent is hard work. Most parents seem as bored by their kids as I am by them... The difference is I am honest about it and accept my limitations.

Kids have become the ultimate designer accessory for many or in a similar way simply a "must have" toy to fulfil what parents see as a necessary and unescapable part of life because society has always brainwashed people into having children. There is an amazing amount of societal pressure to conform to the stereotype of what a human is defined by... Get married ( same sex of course , because being Gay is simply not "right" according to some "well thinking" people, have kids, house, car, picket fence and die). Anything else is unthinkable and simply not playing the Game of life assigned to us by the powers that be ....

I do get increasingly annoyed at women who tell me I will regret it or that it has not "hit" me yet. That my hormones will somehow kick in and compel me into having a baby. Why is it a woman is a freak of nature if she has no interest in kids, and does not have any attraction to babies ?

If more parents were a little more honest about their feelings towards parenthood beforehand I guarantee that there would be a lot less kids around... But even in 2010 we still have silly people who think everyone ought to be the same and never deviate from that they consider the "norm".

Parenthood should not only be a choice but a gravely and seriously considered one because ultimately children are the ones who suffer from hasty , unthinking choices to have unwanted progeny.

In my 42 years I have met few people I consider good parents and only one couple I would consider great parents. Most others seem to simply exist and get by , not enjoying the ride and will little true interest in the children they want everyone else to have.

I let them frown at me and try to remember that it is their problem not mine...

[chielgirl]

Originally Posted by aqua0

P.S. You can't just say, "I don't want children." People who ask you this need to know if there is something biologically, mentally, or emotionally wrong with you. They can't imagine life without children and babies and breastfeeding and coochy-coochy-coo and if you are not like that, either you are weird, or they are weird. And they know they are NOT weird.

Sometimes I respond to this stuff with the idea that there is nothing wrong with me or people who don't breed. We actually thought about our lives and our futures and the idea of having kids. We decided against it because we actually thought about it.

If pushed: I further state that having a child is the easy way, the default.
You don't have to do anything except have unprotected sex; all animals do it. It doesn't make you special.

[GregW]

We could not afford children until we were too old to have any.

[Zimbochick]

I must say after reading all these posts I am astounded that those of you who have chosen a childfree life have had to deal with such insane comments, both from strangers, and from posters here. It would just never enter my mind to question someones life choices, especially someone I didn't know well.