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Also interesting.....from what I read, most people on this board..not from Maine but transplants..I think whenever you move from location A to location B, especially one state to another.....you are really not to welcomed.......We were NOT treated well in CA as I arrived with my two kids.........seen as outsiders.....
Happens everywhere. After 20 years of being transferred to many different Duty Stations, my wife and I are totally used to it.
We learned that we need to make connections. If you expect others to come up to you, and to open their lives to you, you will have a long lonely wait. Many of the first connections we tried, when we first got to Maine did not work. That is okay. I do not have to be best-buddies with everyone.
But after 9 years I think we have established a number of close friendships here.
Quote:
... One guy said I was from Mississippi .............. what a "tard", I guess Massachusetts and Mississippi seemed similar to him ......
We all do that. My highschool friends [still living in California] generally cannot distinguish between NJ, DC, NYC, or Maine. They have never left the hometown, and their life experience / exposure is very limited. Stories they see projected at them by the media, lump all of the East Coast into a single jumble. When the Mid-Atlantic shoreline gets a storm, I get calls asking if we survived it.
When I was living in Naples Italy, we had one of my subordinates over for dinner. His wife is Swiss [a very charming lady], in my attempts to make small talk, I could not distinguish in my mind between Switzerland and Sweden. That evening I could not open my mouth without sticking a foot in it. I am sure that she must have hated me after that.
Also interesting.....from what I read, most people on this board..not from Maine but transplants..I think whenever you move from location A to location B, especially one state to another.....you are really not to welcomed.......We were NOT treated well in CA as I arrived with my two kids.........seen as outsiders.....
One guy said I was from Mississippi..............what a "tard", I guess Massachusetts and Mississippi seemed similar to him......
I think the percentage of out of state transplants actually living in Portland/Southern ME is far lower than what this forum would lead you to believe. While the area has a good deal of transplants, most are just from other areas in Maine. I think New England cities in general have a higher ratio of locals to out of state transplants than others (Boston is considered very insular and full of "townies" compared to other major metros), but I noticed this more in Portland than in any other place I've lived.
My experience with moving to Portland was that people were polite, but very skeptical of "outsiders." It's the only place I've lived where being from another place was talked about as a knock against me. People openly used the fact that I was from Massachusetts as an insult. It was bizarre (and one of the most off-putting aspects of living in Maine). My girlfriend at the time told me her relatives (not her parents- they were great) scolded her for dating someone from Massachusetts- before they ever met me. They warmed up to me a bit, but I was constantly told that we needed to "settle in Maine." It was mentioned in job interviews and as part any introduction to new people ("This is John- he's from Massachusetts") where half-jokes would be made at my expense.
I've lived in other parts of the country and any mention of not being from those areas or being from Massachusetts was met with mild indifference at most. Not so in Maine. It was an actual issue.
It's funny because I grew up mostly in Southeastern MA (not far from Cape Cod) where the annual influx of New Yorkers to the Cape is met with groans, and NY Plates are mocked and maligned. However, it really is lighthearted and nobody really hates New Yorkers. In Maine the distaste for outsiders (especially Mass.) is real. Very real. I'm sure some of it has to do with idealistic (and sometimes rude) MA transplants trying to change their new communities (something I'm opposed to) to fit their mold. However, I don't get where the skepticism of anyone from outside comes from.
Irfox: I think you're correct in many of your statements especially the last paragraph. In regard to your statement, "However, I don't get where the skepticism of anyone from outside comes from." I am guessing you are not a native Mainer. An expression associated with Harley Davidson motorcycles comes to mind. "If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand." I think Mainers (natives) would like NOT to have to depend on the tourists economically. Mainers don't like the extra traffic; resent the extra traffic and resent having to depend on tourism economically. I remember when the Beverly Hillbillies was on TV and at the end "ya'll come back now here" to me, that's not Maine.
I don't think it's been mentioned yet, but those who have lived elsewhere because of military service are probably inclined to get a pass for leaving. Mainers are typically supportive of those who have served in the military. (maybe that's why Submariner has so many friends)
People from certain states are stereotyped as rude and bad drivers. I've heard how some of them talk to sales clerks in Bar Harbor. (Does that mean all are rude, arrogant, and condescending? probably not) One day I was driving on 295 just outside of Portland in a downpour (could hardly see with wipers on high) when someone from Mass. passed me going about 80 miles an hour...at the least "fast for conditions." I thought he's either going to kill himself or someone else (just one example). I wonder if no fault insurance encourages unsafe driving.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Assimilation is key." I believe that most of the laws/changes that natives consider stupid and unnecessary are often initiated by and facilitated by those from away who have too much time on their hands oftentimes because they aren't busy working for a living. Maine seemed so perfect when we decided to move, but now that we're here, we see so many things that need to be changed....
You must have acquired all that class on your own, because Florida is far from classy.......it is full of rednecks.......and many less than sophisticate tourists........
When I was a kid, we were 'Okies'. My family had migrated to California from the Dust Bowl. Everyone living in California, who had moved there from Oklahoma, Missouri, Kansas, or Texas, were all categorized as "Okies'.
Serving in the Navy, since I was from California, I was categorized as a beach bum. There are no beaches anywhere near; Ceres, Turlock, or Merced. But the stereotype of 'Californian' is that you must have been a beach bum. I live closer to the ocean now, that I live in Maine, than I did living in California.
Stereotypes are a function of the brain, and they 'help' us to categorize other people. While I recognize that is how our brains work, I am not sure if it is beneficial.
Maine is nice.
There are places in Maine, where the culture is not all about keeping up with the Jones, or always trying to out-do your neighbors.
When we migrated to Maine, we did not know anyone here either.
Nice Story......do they call you a beach bum....from Maine?? Just kidding. There are those that fit sterotype, obviously.....but everyone is an individual....even tho then are part of "that group". It is a function of brain....
Sorry for the comparison but; they do that with dog breeds....Labs are loving and Rottweilers are vicious etc........I had a vicious (attacked other dogs etc) black lab...and having known Rotties that were complete teddy bears...just an example.
Happens everywhere. After 20 years of being transferred to many different Duty Stations, my wife and I are totally used to it.
We learned that we need to make connections. If you expect others to come up to you, and to open their lives to you, you will have a long lonely wait. Many of the first connections we tried, when we first got to Maine did not work. That is okay. I do not have to be best-buddies with everyone.
But after 9 years I think we have established a number of close friendships here.
We all do that. My highschool friends [still living in California] generally cannot distinguish between NJ, DC, NYC, or Maine. They have never left the hometown, and their life experience / exposure is very limited. Stories they see projected at them by the media, lump all of the East Coast into a single jumble. When the Mid-Atlantic shoreline gets a storm, I get calls asking if we survived it.
When I was living in Naples Italy, we had one of my subordinates over for dinner. His wife is Swiss [a very charming lady], in my attempts to make small talk, I could not distinguish in my mind between Switzerland and Sweden. That evening I could not open my mouth without sticking a foot in it. I am sure that she must have hated me after that.
It happens.
Did you see "Dinner For Schmucks" made few years back with Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd.....the scene when they had lunch with Swiss couple and Steve Carrell starts speaking Swedish.....check it out if you have not seen it....very funny movie
I think the percentage of out of state transplants actually living in Portland/Southern ME is far lower than what this forum would lead you to believe. While the area has a good deal of transplants, most are just from other areas in Maine. I think New England cities in general have a higher ratio of locals to out of state transplants than others (Boston is considered very insular and full of "townies" compared to other major metros), but I noticed this more in Portland than in any other place I've lived.
My experience with moving to Portland was that people were polite, but very skeptical of "outsiders." It's the only place I've lived where being from another place was talked about as a knock against me. People openly used the fact that I was from Massachusetts as an insult. It was bizarre (and one of the most off-putting aspects of living in Maine). My girlfriend at the time told me her relatives (not her parents- they were great) scolded her for dating someone from Massachusetts- before they ever met me. They warmed up to me a bit, but I was constantly told that we needed to "settle in Maine." It was mentioned in job interviews and as part any introduction to new people ("This is John- he's from Massachusetts") where half-jokes would be made at my expense.
I've lived in other parts of the country and any mention of not being from those areas or being from Massachusetts was met with mild indifference at most. Not so in Maine. It was an actual issue.
It's funny because I grew up mostly in Southeastern MA (not far from Cape Cod) where the annual influx of New Yorkers to the Cape is met with groans, and NY Plates are mocked and maligned. However, it really is lighthearted and nobody really hates New Yorkers. In Maine the distaste for outsiders (especially Mass.) is real. Very real. I'm sure some of it has to do with idealistic (and sometimes rude) MA transplants trying to change their new communities (something I'm opposed to) to fit their mold. However, I don't get where the skepticism of anyone from outside comes from.
Wonder if I should drive up there this summer with MA plates....?? Then tell them I am from CA.....but really NY?? Thanks for your input.....anyone who has lived anywhere for long time (2-3 generations)....does not like to see 1. People wealthier than them buy up property...2. Sometimes not wanting poor people from say other countries to move in either.....very long topic. BUT you cannot blame people for not being friendly.....who wants their way of life threatened.....
I lived in Maine for 25 years and never once felt assimilated. Coming from Maryland, friendliness was open and genuine, not guarded and reserved. A great line from a Herman Wouk novel reads: "They smiled when they were amused, not to be pleasant." (He was talking about the main character's reaction to the Russian people). I couldn't help but compare this observation with mine of the people around me in Maine. A cold stare was as common as a cold wind.
When it came time to retire, the logical choice was to return to Maryland. Being quite used to living in many areas and states, being an "outsider" has not been a problem. I accept the fact that I am merely a puzzlement, as if there's insecurity in the fact that I might have seen/experienced more than those who haven't and they feel they have nothing in common with me. I happen to be a good listener, so I attentively hear their stories and appreciate their lives whether they accept me or not.
A cold stare.....I like that description.......I guess I just would not expect too much from people/// If I am lucky enough to meet some cool people , I consider my self fortunate.............I will always defend everything New England however...especially if they are natives etc.....because; I do not trust people that come up all warm and friendly (the stereotypical Southerner).....and are stabbing you in the back or gossiping about you etc. Again, I am sure all Southerners are NOT like that, only a stereotype......people are just going to be guarded no matter where you go.
For me, I would rather get to know people slowly......and know that it is sincere//// AND when you get older, very very difficult to meet and keep deep friendships with people...as you have no history with them.
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