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Money is the primary reason men don't get married. They don't feel that they could support a family. Well, welcome to the 21st century. Over half of all men will never be able to support a family, but if you can find a woman who is a real partner, you can still do well. If it had all been on me, my wife and I wouldn't have had much of a life, but it wasn't all on me. Between the two of us, we managed to build a very nice life together. Only once did we both end up unemployed at the same time, and by some serious belt cinching and working together we managed to make it through unscathed.
I'll tell you the same thing. Get a life. Go volunteer at the local animal shelter. You will be amazed at the number of attractive young women you will meet with no tendency to get on your nerves. I'll agree that dating is artificial and gives no information about what a person is really like. Work along side of them, and you will get to know them.
In my search I discovered that I could not find what I was looking for in Portland or any major city (outside of a church, where a man was going to expect any woman he's with to be a Christian or at least believe in god), and that I was lucky to have even found it in the south, because what I was looking for is a dying class of men.
Good luck to all of you who are in the search for the right one for you; I truly hope that you find what you are looking for, as I have.
I guess you never heard that the South is called "The Bible Belt"... you think you were "lucky" to find an Atheist in the Bible Belt? You can also find raving Bible Thumpers in the Pacific Northwest: the most unchurched area of the country. But you knew that. America is a mosh pit of different strains of people that have migrated and moved and meandered to their hearts content for so long that only the broadest strokes of regional flavors remain. You simply cannot say with credulity that "X" kind of people cannot be found in "Y" part of the country anymore. You could have found what you were looking for in Portland but you didn't because you didn't want to be in Portland anymore. You had already given up. That's no crime, and if you think its validation that in the space of one year you moved to a completely new part of the country, established a life and found a fiancee and don't think thats rushing things... who am I. You sound very judgemental about the state of humanity. If what you say is true and values are indeed dying everywhere and only you and your new sweetie have any of them left... ... you're snookered, because life is not just you and yours. We are social creatures. It matters who and what is around us. It will matter who your children play with, go to school with, etc. Just maybe it isn't all as bad as you think? But, do check back with us in another year. If the summer storms and the Red State politics start getting to you, you can always bring your young family to the PNW. Win/win, I think: living and growing with the southern man of your ideals in what is likely the best part of the country left.
Money is the primary reason men don't get married. They don't feel that they could support a family. Well, welcome to the 21st century. Over half of all men will never be able to support a family, but if you can find a woman who is a real partner, you can still do well. If it had all been on me, my wife and I wouldn't have had much of a life, but it wasn't all on me. Between the two of us, we managed to build a very nice life together. Only once did we both end up unemployed at the same time, and by some serious belt cinching and working together we managed to make it through unscathed.
I'll tell you the same thing. Get a life. Go volunteer at the local animal shelter. You will be amazed at the number of attractive young women you will meet with no tendency to get on your nerves. I'll agree that dating is artificial and gives no information about what a person is really like. Work along side of them, and you will get to know them.
I agree. Dating is artificial and gives no information about what a person is really like. That said, I haven't seen that people hook up because they play in the same jam band or work in the same animal shelter. When parents were removed from the dating equation a lot of young people really suffered. They are bombarded with so much materialism and alternative lifestyle choices that they develop paralysis by analysis. The successful relationships I am familiar with begin in a number of ways. Primary one is school. That one is usually the marriage and lasts for quite awhile, sometimes a lifetime. If however, the marriage ends, the second significant relationship will probably start online. That's really it: school and its counterparts like church or neighborhood network and online. Join a band if you like to play an instrument. You might meet someone you can date in a band or at some club you join or something you volunteer for but it is unlikely. The other participants are there to get their paint on or their sing or their whatever. Hooking up will be the last thing on their minds. Key though is knowing when you have a keeper. My SO has what some might say is a significant disability. She has spent lots of years without a relationship of any kind. We have been together for seven years and in all that time her four closest female friends who do not have any looks issues or disability issues or health issues or intelligence issues or economic issues, etc. and who are constantly dating and trying to find "the one".... they've all suddenly realized that at 45 - 50 they're in trouble. None froze any eggs. All wanted children. Badly. All wanted husbands. Badly. All had hundreds of dates. Each. They never thought my SO would be the one to beat them to a lifelong commitment but neither does it appear that any of them have any idea what a lifelong commitment should look like, feel like or smell or taste like. And, yes, you are probably right. Money is at the heart of it. I'm pretty poor. Divorce and children make it hard to start over. Most women wouldn't (didn't) give me the time of day when I went on the market the second time.
I know what you mean about women and materialism. I went through a divorce too, which left me deeply in debt. For three years I lived in a one room apartment and drove a clunky old used car, while working 3 jobs to get my life back together. A lot of women wouldn't give me the time of day. I met my current wife at the beginning of that period, and we were just friends for three years before we first got together. I had other things on my mind, and she was in another relationship. In fact, the joke about the evenings watching TV came from a friend of hers who had a real crush on me. She kept inviting me over to watch old movies on TV, and I kept falling asleep about 5 minutes after the opening credits. TV is boring. I still prefer to read a book. My library card got quite a work out in those days, and there was this cute librarian...
When I married my current wife, Ta Da! I had the down payment for 5 acres and a house in the country, but my credit was a wreck, so we bought on a 10 year purchase contract, I remodeled the house, we paid it off in 9 years, just in time to sell it for a huge profit, which was the down payment for the place we live now. The mortgage was paid off early in 2008.
It astonishes me that people don't have the courage to be poor when they don't have any money. If you are in debt you are broke.
I've been broke and poor my entire life span(41 years), but with NO debt to speak of, and NO credit at all! And by the way, speaking of animal shelters, I worked in the biggest animal shelter in nevada for 3 years, and ALL the women coming in were of 3 dispositions.. Married and not interested, boyfriend and not interested, and just plain not interested! Also, pretty much all of them come in distressed, crying, upset, etc.. NOT a good atmosphere for "flirting".. Add to the fact that shelter usually start at minimum wage, makes for a women repellent! I gave up on dating many many years ago, and don't intend to ever start again! So the last thing I want to be around is people in their 20's and 30's, I prefer solitude at this point.. Women in this country are amazingly materialistic, interest is not based on your personality, or who who are inside, but what you either have, or will have in the future! No money, no career to make anything significant as far as money, no car, no property, equals ZERO interest for all time! Thank god for porn right?
It always astonishes me to hear the men's experiences with women who seem to be looking for a wallet more than a relationship. I was married for ten years. Marriage was not for me. I have dated a lot and had some nice relationships. But I have to say that in many of these relationships, including my marriage, the guys wanted me to earn just as much if not more than they did.
In fact, looking back, I think I can safely say that I met more men who wanted me to support them than not. Maybe each person attracts a certain type over and over again regardless of gender.
It always astonishes me to hear the men's experiences with women who seem to be looking for a wallet more than a relationship.
agreed. I had a pretty modest upbringing, so I know i can get by on a lot less. I don't really care how much my husband makes, i'd rather him do something he loves and we can adjust our lifestyle accordingly. though for him, his paycheck is a very important part of his self-worth and so he will probably continue to climb the corporate ladder.
It always astonishes me to hear the men's experiences with women who seem to be looking for a wallet more than a relationship. I was married for ten years. Marriage was not for me. I have dated a lot and had some nice relationships. But I have to say that in many of these relationships, including my marriage, the guys wanted me to earn just as much if not more than they did.
In fact, looking back, I think I can safely say that I met more men who wanted me to support them than not. Maybe each person attracts a certain type over and over again regardless of gender.
Welcome to living in a man's world. My first wife was a real boat anchor like that. Once we got married she decided she wanted to put off having kids indefinitely. She quit two high paying jobs in one year, then decided she wanted to go back to school, but dropped out two terms in a row. Of course she did not drop out early enough that I could get a tuition refund. After that I told her if she wanted to go to school she could get a job and pay for her own tuition. Of course she didn't.
Any time you hook up with a leech like that, the best thing to do is get rid of them as soon as possible.
Welcome to living in a man's world. My first wife was a real boat anchor like that. Once we got married she decided she wanted to put off having kids indefinitely. She quit two high paying jobs in one year, then decided she wanted to go back to school, but dropped out two terms in a row. Of course she did not drop out early enough that I could get a tuition refund. After that I told her if she wanted to go to school she could get a job and pay for her own tuition. Of course she didn't.
Any time you hook up with a leech like that, the best thing to do is get rid of them as soon as possible.
Welcome to living in a man's world. My first wife was a real boat anchor like that. Once we got married she decided she wanted to put off having kids indefinitely. She quit two high paying jobs in one year, then decided she wanted to go back to school, but dropped out two terms in a row. Of course she did not drop out early enough that I could get a tuition refund. After that I told her if she wanted to go to school she could get a job and pay for her own tuition. Of course she didn't.
Any time you hook up with a leech like that, the best thing to do is get rid of them as soon as possible.
I have several similar stories, but without the marriage part.
I have to wonder how much of that is partially due to changing gender roles and Women (in general,) being forced to find their way in the world instead of getting married at 18 and having their first baby at 18 1/2 ?
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TV is boring. I still prefer to read a book. My library card got quite a work out in those days, and there was this cute librarian...
